Day 80 - The Last Full Day

So...

It had to end sometime right?

Technically speaking, this will be my last full day of watching the kids...

The next week or so I will be working in more of a support role as the kids will begin attending a Summer school program.

Basically, it's the perfect thing for them to do because they get to go on trips and take swim lessons and all sorts of other fun things...the alternative is that, for the first time in their lives, they're going to be spending full days outside of their home...

So that's where I'll come in...Basically, for a week or so we'll try and slowly submerge these kids into a totally new environment without freaking them out...

And then I'm letting go...

Which is kind of going to be really weird.

Monday I'll check back in with a whole lot more information...but regardless, I wanted to say now - on my last full day - thank you for reading.

I can't say it enough...

I'm also now 75% unemployed so if any of you know of any opportunities or want to bring me on as a nanny or sidekick or something, shoot me an email...

Thanks again.

Victor/Bictor

Day 80 - Chuck E. Cheese Recap

And we're back...

What a day...That place is crazy. Absolutely thrilled I never tried to take three kids alone...As we walked in Joe started singing the theme song to "My Two Dads" which pretty much set the tone...

However, I will say the Cheese has some wild technology where they give everyone an invisible stamp that ensures we don't steal anyone's kid...Much to Joe & I's chagrin...

So with our original plan to arrive with 4 and leave with 7 thwarted we regrouped...by purchasing the family saver deal complete with a large pizza and 100 game tokens.

It was 11 AM.

Game ON.

By 11:30 Joe and I were ready for the games to be over...Before you ask, we left after 1:30...Do the math.

Luckily for you folks, I'm going to provide a photo recap:

Bella & Ethan winning some tickets on the Dog Pound game...



Owen on this ride that basically put him in a basket and slowly went around in a circle...



Summer driving Mr. Tough Guy



Bella eating some pizza...



Ethan enjoying a delicious Sprite



Bella enjoying her pizza while sitting on her Dad's lap



The Quad Squad smiling after the meal



And the end result of the trip

(By the way, notice the lollipop in Summer's mouth...She's 100% asleep by the way)

All in all I would rate the afternoon an 8 on a 10 point scale...

PS - They pulled down 213 tickets between the 4 of them...

Day 80 - Chuck E. Cheese Friday

Few things to say

1) Got to come in at 9AM today so I'd like to thank the kids grandmother (my aunt Betty) for keeping them

2) Joe and I are solo with the kids so we're gonna take them to Chuck E. Cheese and then probably regret it...

Either way, as an apology, I'm posting some cell phone pics of the kids...Enjoy

The Macarena Picture



The See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil picture




The Bella Mean Face Picture




The Ethan Watching TV Wont Be Bothered By Stupid Pictures Picture



PS - This is the third day in a row - seriously - that Ethan has worn that Marvel Super Heroes shirt...

Day 79 - Early Dismissal

So, I'm checking out early because my little sister is graduating from high school today...I'm only telling you because this might be my last post...

Meanwhile, here's the convo I just overheard:

Joe - "Ethan how many girlfriends do you have?"

Ethan - "I don't KNOW!"

Owen - "He has Miss Lindsay, Suzie (my aunt), Victor's sisters...Tia (Joe's sister)"

Joe - "Wait...Tia? That's kind of weird"

Summer - "...Grammaw"

Joe - "Are y'all just naming girls now? Man, Ethan's going to have a huge alimony bill...You're going to end up like Travis Henry..."

Ethan - "NOOOOO"

Side Note: After Joe and I started discussing Travis Henry he tells me in a matter of fact way

"Hey, you know Travis Henry is like Forrest Gump right?"

"You mean he's a movie character who doesn't really exist?"

"No I mean he's not stupid stupid but more like half retarded..."

"Wait seriously?"

"Yeah...But I heard he's also really nice"

I trust Joe only because his father in law works in the NFL and also happened to attend the University of Tennessee...Which is where the half retarded guy in question played his college ball...So the source is trust worthy in my eyes...

Day 79 - This Is Awesome

You know how great it is to have Joe here wrestling with the kids while I make lunch?

It's like the coolest, easiest thing ever...I'm going to hire myself an Assistant Nanny...

Day 79 - Tears/Saliva = Weird Taste

I'm literally crying/laughing right now because Joe has the four kids up doing the macarena...

Being a quick thinker I found the you tube video which has helped the whole experience...

Randomly, Joe switched into the "Robot" dance which I had already tried to teach the boys...So Owen went and immediately dropped one arm into the dangling, swinging robot arm...

I'm super proud.

Moment of Realization: My nose is apparently not very strong as Bella's Mom came downstairs and immediately said it smelled like poop. Turns out Bella crapped herself...a LOT

Day 79 - Bella Bean

Bella's Knock Knock joke

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Orange"

"Orange who?"

"Orange you glad to see meeee?"

79 - Gotta Love Fresh Blood

Bella cracks me up...She's here for 10 minutes and I overhear her say

"Hey Summer, you shud go in that room there's lots to do"

By the way, sometimes I try and be careful to make it clear I'm not criticizing the office but since Joe brought it up and told me to blog it I will...

CEO & CFO...How in the world do you guys operate without paper towels? It's been driving me NUTS!

Day 79 - Crazy Weird Mixed Up Thursday

Today's all mixed up because my cousin Joe, his wife Jenn, and their child Bella are all in the office today...Apparently the Knoxville office decided to come over here and merge with the Richmond one to see if that might make me post more...

So yeah, I'm pretty happy because I like all 3 of the people mentioned above...Especially their daughter who I'm excited about seeing because I rarely get the chance to do so...Plus her parents were foolish enough to make me her godfather which makes it all the more exciting...

That doesn't mean I didn't mark out my territory by having a totally awkward conversation with Joe about how things around here work on my watch...Because I did.

Day 78 - Adventures from Today

There were a few but not many...

Highlights included:

- Ethan finding another girlfriend.

- Summer finding a new friend.

- Owen being unimpressed with their new object of affection.

- Commemorative Transformers cups from 7-11 filled with a mix of Slurpee's


Ethan's new girlfriend came in the form of my 18 year old sister Ana...She really didn't do much which leads me to believe Owen may be right about Ethan: He's a slut.

No, I'm kidding Owen never said that but he's constantly saying how Ethan takes all the girls...Not that Owen couldn't he just doesn't feel like being bothered with the stress of a woman.

I don't blame the kid at all.

Summer's new friend, coincidentally, happened to be Ana as well...I think this predominantly had to do with Ana wearing purple and loving the movie "The Color Purple"...

Owen was, as usual, unimpressed with the new lady...For whatever reason, that will be his modus operandi as he goes through life playing his patented Mr. Tough Guy role.

Last but not least, for 40 extra cents I think I can spring for the special edition cup with stickers...They were ecstatic to say the least...

Day 78 - Miss Kaci Wednesday

On Wednesdays, Miss Kaci comes over to kick it with Ethan for an hour or so...She usually has him doing some random coloring exercise or some other thing I have no idea about because I stay in the living room...

You would think it might be kind of weird to have someone who is, for all intents and purposes, a stranger in your home...But since I'm at work and, therefore, not in my own home I can't say a thing...Plus she and I are now friends on Facebook so I can't really call her a stranger since that would be a little rude...

While they were hanging out, Summer & Owen were with me in the living room watching some TV...I also had the two of them unknowingly scratch my back under the guise of a "Wolverine competition" in which they take turns slicing their tiny nails against my back...Without a t-shirt they'd probably draw blood but with a t-shirt on it's not really that bad...

For whatever reason, they genuinely like this "game" and as long as I keep fake crying everyone's happy...

I hope no one finds it weird that I just admitted all that...

Snacks of the Day

Owen: Oreo Crisps

Summer: Oreo Crisps

Ethan: Blue Icy Pop

Day 77 - Let The Beating Begin

Apparently, Ethan was a little bit bossy today at exercise...

So for the last 20-30 minutes I've had him strung up to the swing set out back like he's David Carradine (too soon?)...

I'm kidding of course...If I was going to beat him we'd stay inside so the neighbors wouldn't hear us...

Man, I should probably stop with the jokes before Child Services shows up unannounced. Just to be clear - I WAS JOKING.

Anyway, luckily for Ethan, I don't really care that he was bossy today...

On the way to pick him up Summer & Owen had a deep discussion about God and babies and how I would have a kid sometime soon...after the lady I marry has a baby and her tummy gets real big then the baby will grow up and be my kid...

After telling them to slow down...I explain that boys have babies too...But then I realize I'm blowing their minds because now Owen's questions revolve around whether or not his father actually carried a child at some point or another.

Explanation Aborted.

Day 77 - I Need An Assistant

Apparently, the appointment that I thought was at 11 was actually at 1.

So after sheepishly walking out of the place I didn't feel like going straight home...knowing the coworkers were probably hungry, we settled on lunch at Vinny's...

Everyone got pizza.

And bubblegum.

Day 77 - INcredible Tuesday Morning

OK not really.

We haven't done much...Our highlight was Owen's drawing of his Dad and him.

It was pretty advanced but, unfortunately, I couldn't take a picture of it...(Cough...Canon, Nikon, Sony cough...)

Either way, that's about it.

I think Ethan has exercise at 11 but it might be 10 and if its at 10 then I'll get a phone call at 10:05 so I'm sort of nervous to see what happens...

Day 76 - Day Ends On A High Note

I didn't help Ethan or Owen change into their regular clothes after the pool because I was doling out the Frosty's...

A few minutes ago I notice Ethan is trying to shimmy out of his pants to go pee when I suddenly realize the fly and button are perfectly lined up with half of his white butt cheek he's currently flashing...

So yeah, from now on I'll make sure to help him put his pants on...

Day 76 - Spray Sunscreen = Genius

Oh. My. Mighty. Poop.

As the kids might say...

Have you ever used this spray sunscreen? Fantastic product...Just all around a life saver.

It's been taking me a good while applying sunscreen every time we go to the pool...

However, this time my Mom had purchased some of that spray business and it shaved a solid 4-6 minutes off the application time.

Which resulted in 4-6 more minutes the kids could swim...So they were appreciative.

After a fairly uneventful trip to the pool (minus Ethan trying to get in, slipping, going under, bobbing up like hard boiled egg and shaking it off) we headed home...

But, first we stopped to grab a Frosty because apparently these rats had never enjoyed one.

Consider them converted.

Day 76 - Great Joke E

As we're getting ready to go to the pool, Ethan walks up to me and goes:

"Hey Victor how about we leave Summer here?"

This makes Summer say "Nooooo" and me to start laughing because it came out of nowhere.

Ethan and I high five.

See you later.

Day 76 - Heads Up Canon, Nikon, Sony, etc...

I was thinking earlier about that whole "If I mention a product maybe I'll get one for free" thing and decided the thing I need most is a camera because this blog has gone to the birds since I stopped being able to take pics...

So yeah, as soon as one of those fine companies listed in the title of this post send me a digital camera we'll be back in business...

And whoever does it will get a lot of love on the blog...

On that note, we each got a haircut. Once again, Summer looks stunning with a braid AND curls...The boys both look like a couple of clean cut gentlemen...the type of guys I'd let my daughter date if I:

A) had a daughter and

B) was somehow creepily OK with letting my daughter date my cousins kids...which I would not be OK with so this point is now rendered moot.

Not to toot my own horn here but Owen did tell me, unprovoked, that I was looking sharp after my haircut so I'm going to go out on a limb and say Mom went 4 for 4 today...

My Mom was like Ted Williams only with scissors instead of a bat...plus she doesn't have a penis.

OK, I guess she's nothing like Ted Williams.

Day 76 - Another Week Another Few Dollars

The coworkers are stoked because they each got a new bathing suit this weekend.

I haven't seen Ethan's yet but Owen barely let me in the door without showing me the Spider Man suit he got...

Summer, although excited to show off her new ballerina suit, cannot show me since it's in the washer.

However, my sister saw Summer this weekend and apparently Summer told her that she thought I would really like this new bathing suit so, needless to say, I'm on pins and friggin needles here.

Also, I walked in and the CEO was putting butter into scrambled eggs before scrambling which blew my mind. The CEO has a tendency to add things to his food...Like, for instance, he always adds extra cheese to his Kraft Mac N Cheese...Just found this funny because when I asked if he was, in fact, adding butter to the eggs he said:

"Oh Yeah"

Speaking of Kraft...I know a girl who writes a blog and the other day she apparently wrote some glowing review for a perfume...and then the company contacted her offering the new line for free...

So if Reebok would like to send me any Omni Lite or ERS shoes I would be really happy. 11.5.

Thanks

Day 75 - Backfire

I told the kids to clean up their drawing area because it was a complete mess...

Owen, as usual, balked at helping clean up.

I don't know why but he has a tendency to do that and then, when I tell him to start helping out, he casually will pick up little tiny items as slowly as possible while the other two are lugging things...

So I tell the crowd:

"If one of you doesn't help clean up the other two get a surprise"

The idea being: If you do NOT clean up, you will have to watch your siblings enjoying a surprise of some sort while you sit there pouting.

I have explained the concept 5 times.

Everyone cleans up: No surprise

Only 2 of you clean up: 2 surprises

Two people sit out: 1 surprise for the hard worker

In my mind, this is a fairly normal and easy concept to grasp...but apparently it's not.

Either way, Owen kills me because he can be both the shyest, sweetest, most timid kid and at other points he's got this "I dont give a crap" attitude...He's going to be the kid who pisses off his teachers without being hated by them.

Day 75 - Women Are Born This Way

Day 75 - Summer's Back

While everyone is discussing what they did today, Ethan gets all up in Summer's face and starts close talking her.

Ethan, for whatever reason, has a tendency to just pump up the volume to an ear rattling level.

Summer, being sassy, wasn't having it today.

As Ethan's practically spitting in her mouth Summer shouts:

"ETHAN!!! GET OUT OF MY FACE!"

Thatta girl...We missed that attitude today.

Day 75 - Three Too Many

Because Summer is at the "nail polish store" with her Tia (that's Spanish for aunt crackers...) and then getting lunch, I decided to have a man day.

Which pretty much just consisted of Ethan, Owen, and I going to this gas station down the road that has this mini hot dog joint inside of it.

I figured this would be interesting for them since it's inside of a gas station...and it was.

Owen was very confused on the way in...Even going into his sarcastic voice to let me know:

"Oh great...looks like we're eating gas"

Once inside, they were pretty into it...

They each got a hot dog (mustard for O, ketchup for E) while I got...wait for it...seriously this is disgusting...

THREE

I GOT THREE HOT DOGS...

I feel awful right now.

The weirdest part is I don't know what happened. I'm definitely not a consistent member of the Clean Plate Club and yet I destroyed these things...

Then, later on, I felt guilty thinking about what I put into my body.

When I got my third Owen even looked over, eyes wide open, loud enough enough for everyone to hear:

"ANOTHER HOT DOG!? THAT'S THREE!"

Hey! Thanks buddy...

Day 75 - A Fish Called Spill

The office has two fish. Each are housed in a separate container for unknown reasons...

From time to time the boys will use the table upon which the fish bowls sit as a setting for their GI Joes or X-Men figurine battles...

So I thought nothing of the fact Owen was hanging out over by the table until I, out of the corner of my eye, noticed him picking up the fish bowl minus it's top...Only he was picking it up on only one side somehow...

Before he dumped the entire thing out, I shouted at him to stop and ran over.

He sheepishly said sorry as I cleaned up the water. When I asked him what he was trying to do, he said he didn't know.

I refuse to believe he didn't know what he was doing...I just can't figure out what he possibly could have been trying to do.

Day 75 - Friday

Yes!

Finally!

It's pouring rain again...Just how I like it...Only not at all.

This sucks.

FYI: Owen is currently wearing the black Spiderman/Venom costume while Summer is wearing her ballerina get up...Ethan, before I could see him, screamed something about there being 2 boys and 2 "gayles" in the house...

And then walked into the room wearing Summer's purple princess dress...eliciting laughter from everyone...

Summer also has put a pink hair band on my wrist as a piece of jewelry and I'm not going to lie - I like it. Mainly because I'm one of those people who used to wear rubber bands on his wrists just because he liked having something there.

Anyway, it's Summer's turn to spend some quality time with her aunt Stephanie...so she's gonna bail on us in a bit and then it's boy day.

Probably start by cleaning a few guns before moving on to nudie magazines while throwing back some original Coors...

Day 74 - No Fun

The highlight of our day was when we spent 45 minutes walking around Ollie's, that discount store I've mentioned before.

Seriously. That was the highlight.

We each got an item.

Owen and Ethan got Batman coloring books. Summer got some other random coloring book with girls...and I bought a pair of basketball shorts...

Good times

Day 74 - Awkward Conversation with Summer

Summer - "I'm going to beat you up now"

me - "What?"

Summer - "Bictor, I hate you..."

me - "What the? Why? What did I do?"

Summer - "Because you wore youre green shoes"

Apparently, Summer isn't a fan of my green Saucony sneakers...

Day 74 - Forgotten Story

I feel bad.

I should have told this story this morning but for some reason I forgot it until a moment ago.

When I walked in this morning, Summer was sitting at the counter bawling.

In front of her was an empty bowl of scrambled eggs and she was wearing a purple princess dress.

Tears and saliva had mixed on her face to make her look like a slimy wreck...

Apparently, moments before I arrived while the CEO was upstairs getting ready for work, Ethan for unknown reasons showed Summer his "pee pee" as she put it in such a manner it made her cry.

I have no idea how he managed to make her cry by showing her his business because she sees it all the time. They still bathe together from time to time.

Meanwhile, Owen is laughing off in the corner to himself about the whole scenario...Ethan;s pouting/near tears because I told him to not do that again...Whatever "that" was.

Seriously though, what could he have done? Did he yell at her and taunt her about her lack of an external piece of equipment? Did he threaten to pee on her? I have no idea.

Side Note: Owen just found a ripped picture of his and said the following -

"OH NO who ripped this picture? I'm going to bust someone's head open..."

When I said "Whoa!" he simply looked over at me and smiled.

Day 74 - COME ON Regal Cinemas

There was a rumor going around that Regal Cinema's offers a free 10AM family friendly film at participating locations...

So I look into it since there will be no pool today thanks to an overcast sky and a mild temperature...

And, much to my chagrin, it turns out this Summer Movie Series won't start until June 16th...So now I'm taking the kids to see that Drag Me to Hell movie...

Day 73 - Nothing To See Here Folks

Pretty boring day for us...I mean, we had fun but it's hard to explain other than to say we went to the pool...

So far, Ethan is leading in the tan department.

Owen is a distant 3rd.

Summer, again, was the best swimmer. She's like a young Michael Phelps minus the male genitalia...and the marijuana habit (I'd say taste for playboy playmates also but you never know how she might turn out...and yes, of course I'm kidding here folks)

I'm also pretty sure Ethan has a crush on my aunt Suzy...Luckily, she isn't related to him since she's on my Dad's side.

Cause that would be creeeeepy.

Day 73 - Lunch and Such

After getting everyone's lunch order - "cold samich" (turkey or bologna) for Ethan & Summer while Owen got the hot dog - in, well, order I called the kids down.

They all take a seat, get situated, and as I'm bringing over their plates Owen asks Summer if she got a hot dog like he did. Summer will do whatever Owen does and this is why I asked her 3 times if she wanted bologna or a hot dog like Owen. She repeatedly said bologna.

After he asks her, I chime in saying that she did not get what he got. This got Summer's attention:

"Atchally Bictor...I chained my mind"

This annoys me because I saw it coming.

"Atchally Summa you got bologna because that's what you asked for and I already made it"

"Allwight that's OK..."

Day 73 - Home Visit

Miss Kaci is on a house call today to hang out and work with Ethan...Do some drawings and exercises...You know,

In the meantime Owen, Summer & I are watching Space Chimps...So far I haven't laughed once but I'm not really focusing on it all that much because I found the game RISK online for free and I'm pretty excited.

Woops. Spoke too soon. Great scene just unfolded...and I found it on YouTube

Day 72 - SO Loud

Summer farts louder than any child I have ever been around.

She's a mutant.

Seriously, these aren't cute little "Ha Ha" farts...These are loud obnoxious farts that rattle cups of water like the T Rex in Jurassic Park.

Especially when she's wet from the pool.

You know how if you fart in the shower it's extra loud thanks to wet butt cheeks and bathroom tile acoustics?

She doesn't need any amplification...she just needs the wet butt cheeks.

A few minutes ago, she farted so loud I heard the neighbors next door laugh...

I don't think she's quite the princess she'd like everyone to believe.

Day 72 - AND WE'RE OFF

TO THE POOL...

Day 72 - Dance Off

In honor of that video, the kids wanted to dance themselves...

I would have a video for you if I hadn't been carrying my sister's old, beat up digital camera in my backpack and it suddenly fails to work...

For the record, Owen is killing it. He's the only one with any creativity in his dances. A second ago he was on his back...Seriously. He spun around on his hands and feet and went onto his back turtle style.

I'm very impressed. At one point he broke out this standing worm squirm move that even I want to remember for the next wedding I go to.

Wow. Update. I'm crying right now because he just put a hand on his hip and started bopping that hip up and down in tune to the music while putting one finger out in a "no no no" fashion without looking the least bit feminine. Amazing.

Summer has a more physical style of dance...Lots of running, jumping, and somersaults on the ground...She's been out of breath since the first song (we're on #5...Ethan dropped out on #3) but she won't quit...She's committed...

Good times.

Day 72 - LOVE this kid

I wish this was my kid. Even if he is redheaded.

(Take it easy gingers...I'm kidding!)

Day 72 - What Kind Of Diet Is This??

Pretty sure the bosses were waving the white flag extra early this morning...

What makes me say that?

Oh, just the fact I walked in at 8:19 and the boys each had a package of M&Ms while Summer had a nerd rope.

So, if you're keeping score at home, it's

Bosses 1 - Victor 0

Now, why are the kids walking around consuming pure sugar at 820 AM when they should be eating a normal breakfast? Well, in defense of my employers, they had fed the kids french toast sticks but I get the idea the kids did one of their patented "Freak out for the Parents" approach and being the early morning, CEO/CFO threw in the towel and gave them the candy.

Since this will send the kids into a hurricane of energy its going to be a really calm morning I'm sure...

Luckily, I have my own trump card.

Whose taking a nap at 4:30 PM today??

EVERYONE!

(Side complaint/Update: Went to JCrew last night to return some jeans. AJCG was not present which was a bummer. I mean, it's not like I would have said much other than hello and an embarrassed nod but still...A letdown is a letdown.)

Day 71 - Big Day at the Pool

No Rain + New Pool + Other People = Fun Times.

Rather than swing by my Mom's pool, we switched things up and went to my Dad's pool.

Yes, technically speaking, I have two private pools at my disposal. This is one of the many fringe benefits of divorce. Not to say every kid who comes out of a divorce suddenly gets two pools and a good upbringing...But if there ever was a plus side to divorce I would cite the fact I get double the vacations, Christmas gifts, and guilt than your average person from a "normal" family.

Anyway, point is the kids got some new scenery which is exciting in and of itself to a 3 or 4 year old.

Add my wacky aunt Suzy (I say wacky because shes from San Francisco, likes o travel to 3rd world countries and dresses up as a drag queen for those Gay Pride parades & festivals even though she is not gay and is already a woman...) to the mix and the kids had all they need for a fun afternoon.

Plus, when other people are there my job is sort of diminished because other people become very excited to hangout with the kids.

By the way, figured out today why I'm so neurotic. The kids come out of the house muttering about how they need to be quiet or else Ruth, my Dad & Stepmom's dog, will bite them.

I ask where this little white lie came from and my Dad lets me know it was him. Apparently, my Stepmom was taking a nap and rather than tell the kids to just be quiet he concocted this story...

So we have this convo:

"Dad, don't tell them that...Now they're going to be all freaked out and afraid of Ruth..."

"Oh. Good point. I haven't been around kids in a while...I mean, I used to tell you that though..."

"Yeah, and to this day I'm uneasy around big dogs being near my face...How about next time we go with the truth? Like maybe Kristy (stepmom) will bite their faces if they yell?"

"OK sounds good"

But all in all we had a rollicking good time. I even got some sun which is nice because I was getting creepy white.

See you punks tomorrow.

Day 71 - Now THAT Was An Appointment

What a finely tuned machine that dentist office was.

First of all, it was a pediatric dentist so this place was decked out for kids. There was even a secluded corner with bean bag chairs and an HD television playing cartoons...

Classy.

Somehow, Ethan had an 11AM appointment while the other two had an 11:30AM appointment.

Did the dentist make us wait? NO

They took all three leaving me to peruse their mediocre (my one gripe) selection of magazines for adults. (Not dirty adult magazines...I'd have been happy with a Sports Illustrated, GQ or Mens Health)

Either way, they went in at 11:05 and we were out in the parking lot at 11:30 on the dot. Each kid also got a balloon figure (swords for the boys and a poodle for Summer that have all since popped)...

No cavities...but who really cares if they did have cavities? Those teeth are going to fall out eventually right?

Regardless, other doctor's offices I've visited with the kids should take note...Or maybe this dentist should put out a DVD called THIS IS HOW WE DO IT...

On another note, the CEO came home during lunch to pick up a crib for a Coworker who recently had a kid...As we start to talk he randomly starts laughing and tells me I look like a little kid today because I shaved. Thanks boss...

Day 71 - Small Favor

Today should be fun.

Weather is GREAT.

Kids have a dentist appointment.

Should be a special little Monday.

However, before I kick into Mr Nanny mode for the day, I'd like to ask you guys to help me out.

As some of you know, I'm writing a blog for www.Richmond.com on the side. It's an unpaid gig which stinks because most of you didn't go to college to then work for free in the field in which you received an education for...Most people went to college to get paid while I somehow went to college and still managed to not get paid but that's neither here nor there.

What is here...or there depending on your perspective...is that I'm not being paid for the blog I write for www.Richmond.com but I did just have a mild complaint from one of my superiors (if you can have a superior without being paid) about my not writing my posts early enough for Richmond.com's taste...

So if you folks would be so inclined, I'd really appreciate you all reading the blog I have up now and maybe if enough of you start reading it they'll start paying me and then I won't have any problem churning out stories for them left and right.

Anyway, you can click on any of the many links I've stashed throughout this post or you can CLICK HERE FOR MY NEW BLOG THAT IS POSTED.

Blow up the site. Let's see what happens...

Day 70 - The Poll

At the close of business on the first day, Richmond surges to the lead with a whopping 42% of the respondents...

Out of Towners...Pick it up.

DAY 70 - INTEGRITY

I want this poll to have a shred of integrity...so if you really are in Asia please send me an email...Otherwise, you're ruining the spirit of the poll!

Day 70 - Flashback Friday

So in honor of Flashback Friday I woke up and decided to wear my Mills E. Godwin JV basketball T-shirt from my sophomore year when I was a key contributor on an under .500 team...and by key contributor, I mean I almost never had to shower after games because I was bone dry and am pretty sure I only scored in one game...I did however get two T-shirts and a crappy pair of Adidas basketball shoes out of the deal which was nice...

Truth be told, I actually picked this shirt only because it has a tight collar. I have a thing for T-shirts with tight collars...I hate a loose neck. If your T-shirt is loose in the neck you inevitably look dirty and/or sweaty. I prefer my collars tight and this shirt has a great collar. It also says EAGLES on the back but that doesn't really matter much.

Anyway, we went to the pool for a bit which was all good and fun. The kids have suntan lotion with an SPF of 50...FIFTY!

I should just wrap them in a tarp...

Whatever happened to the days when moms would throw their kids out into the sun lotionless, free to get as dark as possible like my Mom would?

After the pool, we decided to go grab some ice cream...

Now, remember the shirt I'm wearing?

Once I pulled up to the Bruster's I noticed a couple adults looking over at me...Not in a "Should we call the cops on this guy" type of way but more the "I know him" kind of way...

Not knowing the connection I went on my merry way.

After we each got our cone and went to sit down, over walks this group and one of them calls me by my name.

So I look up and realize it's Mr. White, my geometry teacher from my Sophomore year of high school...

Now I'm standing there awkwardly talking to Mr. White who hasn't seen me since I was 17 with orange sherbet melting down my hand...

Turns out he knew about what I was doing because he had heard about the blog from some kid in his class.

For the record, I was awful at Math...like the worst. I hated it. I'm pretty sure my biggest accomplishment in that class was winning his NCAA Pool. Oddly enough, more than anything else, all I wanted to ask him was whether or not my name still goes up on the blackboard as a past champion...Probably not since it's been a decade...But I hope so.

Anyway, after he walks away I realize that I just ran into a teacher I had my sophomore year of high school while wearing a T-shirt that has my high schools name on it.

I'm 25 years old...

Day 70 - Small Request

If you happen to live in an area outside of DC-MD-VA-NC-SC and you know for a fact that I'm unaware of you reading the blog...

Would you be so kind as to shoot an email over to Mrnannyblog@gmail.com letting me know where you're from?

So if you somehow, through the grapevine, are reading the blog live from a cubicle in Jupiter, Florida then by all means let me know...

I'm really hoping I get someone in Texas or Oklahoma or the Dakotas reading because that would be downright crazy to me...

And if you're from outside of the US and reading I will figure out a way to thank you...maybe an autographed drawing by the kids or something...

Actually, yeah, the person who is reading from the farthest away gets an autographed drawing by either all 3 or a drawing by each (your choice...)

All you need to do is send me an email telling me how many miles away you are...

After verifying distances, I will post the Top 5 with #1 getting the prize...

LET THE GAMES BEGIN

Day 70 - This is Misleading

70 days of working?

That's it? Seriously?

I feel like I've been doing this for years...

I don't really have much to report right now so instead I'm going to take a cheap way out and throw a poll up on the blog...

About a week or so ago, a nice young lady by the name of Amy Wells sent me an email with a suggestion...Since I'm aware that this blog has touched down in places I can't even begin to imagine (like Louisiana or Los Angeles) she felt it would be fun and interesting to see exactly how far the blog has traveled...I'm really hoping we get someone from far away who is hours and hours ahead of me because I'm incredibly curious about what the future is like.

Anyway...It'll be up shortly on the right hand side...please feel free to take part...Also if you're bored you can go over to www.richmond.com to find some of my other blog posts but I'm not a big fan of those because it's entirely on me and I'm not nearly as funny as the kids are...

Oh and if you feel like clicking on a couple ad's on the right hand side of this page thereby making me a $1.53 that's cool too...

Day 69 - Sonofa

First of all, taking three kids to the pool is tiring before you even get in the water...

Changing them, putting lotion on them, putting on their swim shoes, zipping them into their life vests and whatever else they require takes a while...

It's even worse when, right as you finish doing all that, it starts raining...

This summer could be awful if the rain doesn't let up soon...

Day 69 - The Boys Are Back In Town

We're a full unit of 4 now.

I made the mistake of mentioning the pool and then Summer ran her mouth to the boys and now they're freaking out on me about going...

Owen about had a heart attack when he realized I wasn't wearing a bathing suit...I told him it's at my house so we have to go by there...He asks if he can stay in the car because he doesn't feel like dealing with my sister's dog Javi...

I say no problem.

He then says: "Tell Javi that we're sorry but we'll see him again someday soon..."

Done.

Day 69 - Summer Time

This morning, the boys were picked up by their aunt Stephanie...Which means its been Summer and I since 9AM.

We watched some BRATZ movie and then we played with play-doh...

I haven't posted much because I got a late start this morning and forgot my computer...So I told her while I was upstairs using the office computer to write this here post to think of where she'd like to eat lunch.

It's her day.

Day 68 - TMI

I normally don't give you guys details about bowel movements but today Ethan took a dump that was bright green.

When I exclaimed how it was neon green Ethan acted totally unfazed and didn't miss a beat before telling me:

"O-O-Oh yeah! Probally because I been eating alotta broccoli an-an-and salad!"

Day 68 - Random Act of Anger

For unknown reasons I look over from the kitchen to see Summer pouting in the corner with her arms folded across her chest...

I ask her whats wrong and she frowns harder (This is hard to explain but her frown gets more and more pronounced the more she gets into it).

I ask her again. The tip of her nose is now close to touching her forehead because she is frowning that hard.

Finally, slightly annoyed because I see no reason for this and don't feel like having a random crying, blubbering, saliva and snot everywhere outburst just because she lost the white crayon she was using...

So I pick her up and ask her to help me out in the kitchen and she responds with

"Ehhhh!"

Seriously, what is her problem?

I sit her down in the living room and ask her to tell me what's wrong.

"I don't know"

That was her answer. She simply had no reason to breakdown and pout but she decided to do so. At that, I asked if she was fine, she nodded and when I put her down off she went jumping on the couch cushions...

Kids...

Day 68 - 50%

2 of us are shirtless.

Summer and I are the two wearing our shirts.

Lunch is in progress...

These two eating without shirts on look funny for some reason.

Day 68 - CLear Schedule

Holy Moly...This is amazing. I don't even know what to do with myself right now.

No appointments?

No exercise classes?

No school?

It's so nice to not have a single thing to do...Like, right now, Summer is wearing a dress that is way too short so her butt cheeks are out. I don't care. It doesn't matter! No one here cares and we aren't in public. Ethan came up and asked me if we were going anywhere...I said no. He took his shirt off. Owen followed suit.

Eff it...I might take my shirt off too and happy scream...

Day 67 - Couple Rants

1) I cannot stand crying. I've said this before but unless one of them is bleeding or in a heap on the ground then there is no need for tears. After months of being with me you would think they've learned this...Clearly, the weekend had them all out of whack because both Owen & Summer broke into crying fits this morning where I had to remind them of my rule...

"No crying, We're smiling"

It cracks me up how kids cry more to their parents than others...I feel like I cried to others more than I did to my mom...I mean, when I was a kid I once talked about running away and my Mom packed my bag for me and put it out on the porch. That will freak you out.

Then, after Ethan's latest exercise class (this kid is ripped like Richard Simmons), they wanted Slurpee's...Which was cool...Until I jokingly (I like being sarcastic with them because I hope they will one day soon be witty, sarcastic freaks of nature) said we wouldn't be getting Slurpee's and Summer cried like that fat girl in my 1st grade class who forgot her dessert.

(By the way - do you ever get confused as to which is dessert and which is desert? Whoever taught me that I usually want more dessert but I never want more desert deserves a huge prize. Moving on...)

Anyway, after she broke down crying I once again explained how I don't do things for them if they cry but, rather, when they're good. Once again, a smile makes me happy. Crying makes me want to beat them. I never would but you know what I mean...

2) In the battle of Miss Courtney's exercise class and The Others exercise class I will choose Miss Courtney's 107 times out of 100. The Others might even read this. I don't care because The Others like to get on my case if I arrive at 3:02 instead of 3:00 to pick Ethan up yet I have never heard a word of apology when they haven't been immediately ready to take him...Plus, Miss Courtney has never once called me at 2:59 when I'm supposed to pick him up at 3 mainly because Miss Courtney would always go over with him. I saw this as a sign of her caring more about Ethan than passing him back off to me. There I said it. Miss Courtney's for life. Plus, Miss Courtney is where Ethan fell in love for the first time...so yeah.

Free Extra Tidbit: CEO comes down to test out his new Verizon Fios cable...He makes a comment about how he's never had ESPNU before I hear him proclaim how "fantastic" this is...I look up and he's watching NCAA Women's softball. Cool, Boss, cool.

Day 67 - Same Old

Summer is still putting her shoes on the correct feet before asking me if they are, in fact, on correctly...The best part of it is the look on her face when she asks...She's on pins & needles hoping she's right...It's really great actually...Unbelievably cute as a matter of fact.

Ethan, oddly enough, left his backpack at the exercise class he completed last week...I'm pretty sure he didn't do it intentionally so we would have to go back and see his crush (and I'm being 100% sarcastic)...

Day 67 - Faster Internet!

Sorry for the delay.

The office got a sweet deal from Verizon for the Fios internet package so we were down for a bit while it was being hooked up.

Good news: Much faster internet.

Bad news: No posts so far today.

Currently, Ethan is wearing a tshirt that says "Tough Guy" with a picture of a monkey lifting weights...

Slow day so far though...

Day 66 - Summer School

I've been trying to get Summer to get the hang of putting her own shoes on the correct feet.

After trying a few approaches, the other day we basically figured out out that worked for her...which consisted of just paying attention to the curve on the inside of the shoe dictating it;s rightful foot.

For whatever reason, this one stuck and lately she's been killing it. I couldn't be prouder. Between the bosses and myself she's a learning machine...

The best part, however, is the look of pride on her face when she asks if they're on the right feet...She loves being right.

Like a typical woman.

Day 66 - Jalapeno Chips

Owen: "Hey, can I have one of your chips?"

Me: "They're spicy..."

Owen: "Uhhh...That's OK!"

Me: "You sure?"

Owen: "Well..."

Me: (Thinking this could turn out kind of funny) "Here's a small one..."

Owen: "OK"

Places chip in his mouth...

Owen: "Hey this isn't that spicy....WOOOOOHWOWOW Now that's spicy!"

For a second he looks like he might puke or cry...I offer him a sip of my Coke which he takes...

Owen: "Whew...Thanks that was spicy..."

Day 66 - Gross, Man...Gross

I'm sitting inside trying to knock out a post for the Richmond.com blog when Owen and Summer walk in using their "Uhhh what the?" voices...

Owen bats lead-off.

Owen: "Hey Victor? Uhh we found something...It's kinda weird."

Summer: "Yea B-B-B-Bictor it's kinda gwoss"

Me: "What is it?"

Owen: "Uhh we don't know...It looks like a bird wing or sumthin"

Me: "What!? Don't bring it inside...Hold on, hold on let me see this thing..."

It looks weird and, as Summer said, gross and I have no idea what it was. It wasn't a wing...but after that all bets are off...

So I made him go put it back wherever he found it and told them not to pick stuff like that up anymore...

Owen: "Yeah, that's probably a good idea..."

Summer: "Yeah..."

Day 66 - Same Old Same Old

Just another day at the job.

Ethan's been big on trying to tell me I have a crush...He doesn't actually have any idea of someone for me to crush on but he just wants to say it so he is...

He also has gotten into a habit of punching me in the face...which falls into the "that's really not cool" category...

I'm going to get a haircut in a little bit...I know I know, it seems like I get a lot of haircuts and you'd be right...I do. I get one every 2 weeks on average mainly because I can. If my mom was a dentist I'd probably get my teeth cleaned every other week too...Luckily, my teeth are clean, my mom's a hairstylist, and my hair grows so fast...So it works out.

Day 65 - Painting Is Crazy

Crazy bad. Not crazy good...

I'm not a fan of this...I had to get Ethan paint twice because he has this issue with mixing his paint all up until it's gray...

Painting is for the birds...

Day 65 - COME ON MAN

I told the kids that if they wanted to paint they would have to clean up some of the areas they've been playing in...

So they did and they did a wonderful job and I was very pleased...and as I walk to get the paint out Owen picks up one of the bags where they put stuff, picks it up, flips it over and dumps everything out onto the carpet...

I stop dead in my tracks. We make eye contact and we have this conversation.

"What are you doing?"

"I dunno"

"I just told you that if you wanted to paint you had to clean up...and then you go and dump it on the ground?"

"Uh huh..."

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Well guess what - Now you get to clean that up again while the rest of us wait for you..."

"OK..."

Crazy part is he really has no idea why he did it...just like he didn't know why he pulled Summer's head earlier...ridiculous

Day 65 - De Beer's Here We Come

While picking Ethan up one of the ladies working there (Miss Jessica) made a comment about how Ethan had something to ask me...

After he plays coy and pretends to shoot Spider-Man webs at me they betray his trust and tell me that he wants to go look at jewelry for Miss Lindsey...He really liked Miss Trish's diamond ring and wanted to find something like that.

I think this might be a bit strong but he's doing better than I am with the ladies so whatever...

On the way home we picked up some slurpee's and we discussed whether they would rather run through the sprinkler or paint...But before we could make a decision, Ethan mentioned Miss Jessica.

So I asked him if he thought she was cute and he just smiled prompting me to say he has a crush on her too...Which makes him snap to as he corrects me and, in effect, tells me he only has eyes for Miss Lindsey...

At which point Owen looks over at me and goes:

"Whew...I thought Ethan was taking all the girls..."

Day 65 - Around The Way

Gahlee...Owen is a STICKLER for the rules...We just had a repeat showing of his Bill O'Reilly impression from the other day when, while discussing Ethan's crush on Miss Lindsey (he isn't here so we were free to get our laugh on), Summer says she has a crush...on a princess...

We both laugh.

Owen does not. Then he launches into his stump speech...Kid's like George Wallace...

Anyway, today was the last day of school which means next week I have NOTHING to do with these kids...Which is exactly what I've been waiting for...Hellooooo pool!

On my way in to pick up the kids I see the boys teacher, Mrs. Hickman, and she all of a sudden throws her fingers up into a cross like you would if you saw a vampire...This hurts my feelings before I realize she's doing it in reference to the UNC shirt I'm wearing...Apparently she likes NC State - Oh well.

(Side note: My little sister bought me this shirt and by bought I mean she used my Dads credit card. Regardless, I'm stoked she's going to UNC because it gives me an excuse to wear more Carolina blue which happens to be my favorite color. Score one for the little guy...)

On the way to exercise class we were listening to a great 70's soul/funk mix and midway through "Last Night A DJ Saved My Life" I turned the music down enough to rejoin the conversation they apparently were carrying on and the first thing I catch is Owen saying something about people peeing all over Summer.

Since I am not into water sports, I turned the music back up.

After we dropped Ethan off at his exercise class - and put his picture of Miss Lindsey on her desk - the remaining three of us came home and ate lunch.

For the record, I literally put Owen in time out 2 minutes ago because for some unknown reason he pulled Summer's head. Not her hair. Her head.

When I asked what he did he played it totally cool and claimed that he didn't do anything. When I pushed a bit more he said he was just angry at her because he was eating...Which didn't even begin to make sense.

So I put him in timeout and after a minute or so I asked if he was ready to apologize to Summer.

"Uhhh...ahhhh...nah not yet..."

This, as one might expect, cracks me up...

Day 64 - The Afternoon

Typical stuff. Kids colored and played until we left to get Ethan...

Ethan's class ran late...

Owen was annoyed...

Summer was asleep...and sweaty...

Ethan's teacher asked me when I graduated Tech...when she found out I was 25 she seemed surprise...I think she thought I was a bit older...COOL!

After grabbing E, we went to Bruster's for some ice cream followed by a trip to the car wash which the kids thoroughly enjoyed...

Now I'm drawing a picture of Ethan & his crush holding hands (seriously, this is what he wanted...) and whatever the other two want...

Day 64 - Worst.

I'm pretty sure Summer is driving the Terrible Storyteller Bus...

Today, I've listened to these two doozies:

1) "B-B-B-Bictor...Wha-Wha-Wha-One day my my my mommy took to da dot-ter's an-an-an-and there was a-a-a pink [word I didn't catch or understand] a-a-and my daddy came..."

2) "B-B-B-Bictor wh-wh-when I was wittle, my mommy put me in a dwess a-a-and I looked pwetty..."

That's it. Those were the stories...

Day 64 - Cool Morning

Nothing too wild so far.

Giving Ethan grief about this crush has been the highlight so far...He's still real embarrassed but also kind of likes the attention...

That being said, after a little bit of ribbing he started hollering

"You stop sayin that!" and when that didn't make me stop he would turn his back and say he couldn't hear me...But he was laughing the whole time so I think he's OK...

The peak of his embarrassment came when I told his teacher to ask him about his secret crush and Owen told her...He totally wants to marry Miss Lindsay.

After dropping the boys off, Summer and I went to that Ollie's place again to buy some coloring books...I ended up with 6 (2 each)...

Summer was pretty quiet and content for a little while and then comes up to me saying her hands are sticky. She was coloring so there is NO reason for them to be sticky.

So I ask her...

Summer, why are your hands sticky?

I dunno.

You were coloring...So what were you doing?

Nuffin.

Well then how are you sticky? Crayons aren't sticky?

(Shoulder shrug)

Go wash your hands.

I then go over to where she was coloring to see what was happening and realize that, once again, Summer has inexplicably taken a glue stick and just smeared it everywhere. She has done this multiple times and it kills me. For one, I don't even know why she has a glue stick when she never does arts & crafts...Secondly, I don't know why she uses it in such a pointless manner...

So now I'm not thrilled - mainly because she lied. I gave her the "If I ask you a question you need to tell me the truth...Or else you're lying and that's not very nice..."

I let her know if I catch her lying again it's going to hurt my feelings and then I won't buy her coloring books anymore.

But seriously...this time I mean it.

Day 63 - Ethan Has A Crush

A Major Crush.

I would say, right now, Ethan is just a natural ladies man...I don't say that to suggest later in life he will continue showing women more interest than Owen does...I only bring this up to put what will follow into context...

As many of you know, Ethan has been attending these exercise class things for the last couple weeks...Naturally, being the mini politician he is, he has managed to bond with just about every person inside this place. Luckily, for him, every single person is of the female variety...and they eat his nonsense up.

It takes Ethan maybe 6 minutes and one of his patented hug/kiss combos - where he death grips your neck, whispers big hug in your ear and then kisses you on the cheek - to win just about anyone over...

Taking all of this into consideration it's no surprise they enjoy Ethan's presence...What I didn't realize or anticipate was Ethan enjoying the presence of one of them...

However, this week with Miss Lindsay out on vacation, the truth has emerged in a passive aggressive manner. Apparently, he spent a large portion of today asking Miss Courtney, Miss Trish, and Miss Jessica all about her...

Being that these women aren't new to the game, they saw through his weak questions and discovered his true intentions: He loves this chick (Sorry for calling her a chick, Jessie Spano...speaking of Jessie Spano)...

Anyway, being the really mature 25 year old man I am, once I found out I just kept making comments about his crush and Ethan, being the cool kid he is, just kept yelling "WHAT?" like Lil John and then smiling and blushing...

Eventually, this turned into "WHAT!? Don't say that to me!" which had myself and Miss Jessica laughing pretty hard...If nothing else, he knows when his shtick is working...

So all in all, will anything come out of this crush? I hope not because Miss Lindsay has to be in her twenties and since Ethan has yet to hit puberty something tells me he's not for her.

Not to mention there are laws against that kind of stuff...

However, I still think this is great. He has a legit crush and she probably would take him home if she could (not in a creepy "Hi I'm your new neighbor and the State requires I introduce myself to you" kind of way way but in a "man, that kid is cute" kind of totally normal way)...

So he's 1 for 1 with the ladies...I couldn't be more proud. He asked me if I could draw a picture of her which is going to be tough because I don't think I can google her like I would google Wolverine or Cyclops...But I'm going to give it a shot and see what happens - if it turns out well, we're going to cut it out and take it tomorrow so she can get it upon her return.

Ethan is on pins and needles until then.

Day 63 - WHOOPS

So this morning I had an idea for a post that was going to take care of the morning...And then I forgot to post it.

It would make no sense to post it now so I wont but rest assured I meant to write...

That being said, I'm now hanging out while the office continues to look like an episode of Extreme Home Makeover minus the leathery looking host...

Come on Window people...let's go!

Day 62 - Wannabe

I recently noticed that Owen has had a band-aid on his leg for about 2 weeks now.

It's no longer beige...There's that weird glue-y gunk around it that makes the whole thing look nasty...All I want to do is rip it off.

So I tell him I think it's about time we take it off and he balks. Not yet, he says.

Later, I ask him to let me see his leg so I can try and look under the band-aid. It's at this point I realize he doesn't have a cut on his leg...

"Owen, you don't even have a cut?"

"I knoooooooooow I just like wearing band-aids on my body..."

Day 62 - On The Road Again...

While driving, Summer and Owen engage in a lively debate as to whether or not Summer can and will marry a male or female.

Owen believes very strongly that, in time, Summer will come to understand that she will marry a boy.

Summer meanwhile is adamant of her intentions to NOT marry a boy. She would like to marry a "gayle" because then they can both proudly wear dresses and not have to deal with boys being mean...

(PS - I didn't spell it like that because the word gay is in it...That's how she says it. True story.)

After trying his hand at 4 year old logic Owen decides to bring me into the debate...Naturally, I take the politically correct, pansy way out and say that while she will most likely marry a boy it's possible she could marry a female.

That settles it, right?

No. They keep at it. Owen is telling her she can't marry a "gayle" because that's not how it works...I think he means starting a family but I'm not sure he fully knows what that "it" entails quite yet...

Right now, Owen is like a miniature Bill O'Reilly...I'm half waiting for Perez Hilton to start a crusade against Owen hanging keeping his spot in this blog...

Meanwhile, Summer is doing a pretty solid job of defending herself...Way better than this guy did...

All the sudden, Owen clings to a new argument that hits Summer hard.

"Well, Summer, if you don't like boys then I guess you don't like me..."

"Yes I do Owen!"

"No you don't..."

"Yes I do!"

Sensing that this could go on the whole ride I turned the radio up and let the smooth seductive sounds of Hootie & The Blowfish's "Hold My Hand" wash the hate the away...

Day 62 - What the?

This place is crawling with workers...It's crazy...I'm swimming in a pool for handymen...

There are guys replacing windows upstairs...One of them even got locked in the boys bedroom after the gust of wind from an open window slammed the door.

That being said, I'm not quite sure why the lock was on the OUTSIDE of the door...

I'm pretty sure this guy now thinks the bosses keep their kids locked up. Not that he's alone...

Now, before anyone calls Social Services...I'm pretty sure they do NOT lock their kids up...I would say I'm positive like NBA great Magic Johnson or Heavyweight boxer Tommy Morrison but that would suggest that there is a possibility the bosses do lock their kids up seeing as how both Magic and Morrison tested positive for HIV and then it somehow went away like lice or chicken pox...

So in the end, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm 85% positive the kids taste freedom on a daily basis...

Anyway, point is there is a LOT of commotion here and it's pretty nutty...

(Side Story: Did my boss REALLY just text me from upstairs to tell me Jon Gruden will be replacing Tony Kornheiser on Monday Night football???)

Day 62 - This Morning

I walked in and immediately went straight into the laundry room which is directly to the left of the side door.

I did this because the boys were in the breakfast nook area and heard me walk in. So I wanted to hide and then scare them because I felt like that would be a great way to start the day.

It was.

After scaring them Owen took about .2 seconds before telling me in a very serious voice:

"Don't ever do that again..."

Summer is currently sitting on the floor of the spare bedroom upstairs, crying nonstop, snot sliding down her tiny little face with some of it ending up on her lips making me want to throw up.

The reason is because the CEO is working from home today (thus he is locked away in their bedroom office while he conducts conference calls) while the CFO is in tropical Indianapolis...

While I am sympathetic to her missing her Mom and wanting to see her Dad...I'm not down with the crying thing all day long...I tried to make her come down and she just yelled at me so we'll see what happens...

Day 61 - Holy Eureka

In a stroke of genius on my sisters part - and a stroke of luck on mine - I am currently watching zero kids.

Tica took them to her company picnic where they'll feast on hot meat (hamburgers AND hot dogs) and play a bunch of games...I think there's one of those bouncy room things too, which is awesome.

I know...Ethan is going to be furious because he's at exercise so I'm going to figure out a way to settle the score for him...Don't you fret!

After I told Owen & Summer what would happen Owen had something to say, only in the most monotone voice ever...

"Wow, This is going to be a fun day..."

Once they got there my sister called with a quote from Owen...

Apparently, upon arrival, Owen exclaimed

"Oh. My. Mighty. Poop. This is going to be fun!"

Day 61 - Not To Go All Jeff Foxworthy On You Here...

But you know you aren't feeling too hot when the thought of punching yourself in the face momentarily sounds like a good idea...

And not in a "Hahah man I bet if I punched myself in the face I'd forget about feeling hungover" jokey yuk-yuk kind of way...

I mean in a "Hey Face: I'm about to punch you just because something about it sounds vaguely comforting...I don't know why and I'm absolutely terrified about this but I'm really heavily considering it because in the end I seriously think I'm going to feel better" kind of way...

Stay tuned...I have no idea how this is going to turn out.

Day 61 - Shameless Self Promotion

Hey! Read my other blog!

Or don't...

Day 61 - Note to CFO/CEO

I just ate one of the cold slices of pizza in your fridge.

Deal with it.

Love,

Your Nanny.

Day 61 - Interesting

Did my roommate from college just send me an email with the Subject being "Hoping this makes you feel better" and the email consists solely of a picture of J.Crew Girl?

Yes...

Am I sort of freaked out he found out her name simply because I haven't told anyone her name after she kindly emailed me (not to mention her sister and father)?

Yes...

Do I care right now?

Not really...

It was a nice if borderline questionable effort on his part to improve my hangover. However, I do not fault him.

Come on, this is the same guy who after the first week of every semester of college I'd walk in and give him my scouting report of the girls in my classes that I found pretty yet would never talk to. This is nothing new to him...

I think his email shows why we were a good match living wise - I mean no one else would go find a girl on Facebook, creepily download her picture, then email it to me, all out of trying to be a great friend.

In Kevin Ross's defense his brothers girlfriend worked at J.Crew and that's how he got the inside track but Kevin, if I never drunkenly told you this in college, I love you.

And now I'm going back to the couch where I can watch Ethan run around wearing a fireman's jacket, cape, boots, and socks on his hands...

For the record: I'm not a creep. All of this started out as more of a joke and then I apparently got a bit too fired up about writing that post and now I think people find me weird...I didn't mean to make it sound like I wanted to wear her skin around like Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs...

I'm just really happy I don't go by 3 names like John Wilkes Booth or John Wayne Gacy because then you folks would absolutely think I'm a potential killer.

Day 61 - OUCH

I am, without question, the most hungover I have ever been while working this job. To the point I'm concerned about what my tab was last night...

I know I'm hungover because Summer came up to me and goes

"Were you drinking beer last night?"

When I asked why she said I smelled like it. Yeah, I think that qualifies as hungover.

I asked Ethan to tone it down a notch because I was hurting and he said

"Sowwwwwwy Vic"

Lately he's taken to calling me Vic ever since he heard one person doing it...And on that note I'm going to go and try not to throw up on anyone.

Vague Memory From Last Night: Girl I didn't know telling me she loves Summer's fashion sense. I remember saying me too. I think I followed that gem of a comment up by walking away.

Day 60 - Along The Way

As the three of us went to pick up Ethan, Summer fell asleep.

Owen, obviously still bothered by yesterdays crying clinic he put on, decides to try and rankle Summer by giving her the ol' "Sleepyhead" treatment when she wakes up as I put Ethan in the car.

This doesn't bother her at all.

A few minutes later he picks a new way to make fun of her that I find absolutely hilarious...

"Hey Summer...did you see Victor get out of the car to go get Ethan? (waits 5 seconds) Oh, no, you didn't because you were sleeping...ha ha"

For some reason, I found this incredible on many levels...

Day 60 - Edward Scissorhands

After playing outside for a while, we all settled into watching Edward Scissorhands.

However, this wasn't intentional. I didn't pay attention to what was coming on and when it started the kids thought it was The Polar Express...Once I saw Tim Burton's name pop up I thought it might be Edward Scissorhands which, if true, would be interesting...

And it was! Naturally, the kids are already into it so I tell them it's a bit spooky and they say "that's OK"

After the first 5 minutes Owen's telling me how it's not spooky...and then Johnny Depp shows up on screen in his crazy Edward get-up and Owen goes

"OOOOaaahhwoooow"

We're still watching it but he's playing it a bit more cautious now...For the record, Summer thinks Edward is silly.

Day 60 - Why I Haven't Posted

This schedule is not conducive to writing down funny stories...

One more friggin week and then we can let the good times roll...

Ethan's at his exercise class and the other two are in the backyard playing...The probable highlight of today was when I handed Ethan his sandwich as we drove to exercise and he excitedly says (like he has everyday)

"SAMWICH!!!"

I'm now eating a Progresso Southwestern Vegetables soup that I don't find very tasty.

Day 59 - Seriously, Why Are You Crying?

Owen has cried twice today.

Once, when he fell asleep while I drove them to Ethan's exercise class...When he woke up, I said "Hey sleepyhead" and he got all defensive.

As he kept saying he wasn't sleeping and I was half taunting him by saying "yes you were sleepyhead" Summer chimed in to say he was sleeping.

She should know since he had his head on her arm rest and, in a very sweet move, she sat there quietly petting his head...

Regardless of whether he was asleep or simply recharging his battery, he broke out into this huge crying fit because of it. I found this rather ridiculous and told him so.

For the record, the one thing I really don't go for is the unnecessary crying...It's really not the way to tug at my heart strings...

The second time he cried is after he tried to be funny and tell me he hated me...So I thought it'd be funny to say "Fine...Looks like you aren't getting ice cream" and then walking away from him...

Victor 1, Owen 0

Day 59 - Lunch Conversation Summer Edition

Me: "Summer, how did you manage to get macaroni & cheese in your hair??"

Summer: "I'm a messy girl...dat's what gwamma toll me"

Day 59 - So Typical

I forgot to tell the story about how I discouraged Summer from wearing the Squeaky Shoes today...

Basically, she goes to put them on and I look over and after cringing I think quickly

"Hey Summer...eh those shoes don't match your dress so it's not very pretty..."

Boom. Shoes are off and she's looking for a new pair.

Settles on her pink and white sneakers.

Victor - 1 Summer - 0

Day 59 - Whew

What a day so far.

Every Wednesday the boys go to school while Summer hangs out with me...

I usually really like these days as long as she's in a good mood because it means there is almost a 0% chance she'll take a swing at my nuts unlike the boys who do this constantly...

Inevitably, I end up doing more stuff with her because I have fun being around just her in public when she's jokey and being cute. For example, with the boys she has a tendency to copy Owen or just try and be more defiant but minus the boys she's just fun times.

As such, after dropping the boys off, we took a trip to a local grocery store to buy myself some food since my fridge and cabinets look eerily empty.

Fantastic experience. She was absolutely awesome and we had a blast. I've never driven a kid around the grocery store before and this was really fun. We were big fans of weaving back and forth which is INCREDIBLY easy to do at 9:30AM when no one is at the store.

We got a LOT of attention from the workers there and Summer even scored a balloon out of the deal...Needless to say, maybe in 6 months when I go back to the grocery store she can tag along...

Day 58 - Field Trip

The boys had the luxury of going to Maymont Park today with school. Part of the fun of Maymont is that there are a bunch of animals to look at.

The other fun part is that it's free.

So Ethan & Owen went and they even got to wear giant, laminated tags with their name and what school they go to printed neatly on the card.

I assume this is in case they get lost.

Apparently, you can just drop them in a mailbox and the USPS will deliver them to their rightful home.

According to both the boys and Mrs. Hickman (who sounded almost as excited as the boys) they saw owls (odd since they went during the day), vultures (odd since it's an animal that seems vaguely dangerous), bears and other animals...Owen told me later that they also saw a bunch of stinky pigs...

So, for perspective, think of the best zoo you can imagine and then think of the opposite...

This park/zoo is somewhere just a few notches above the opposite you just imagined.

After I scooped up all 3 from school we hustled over to Ethan's exercise class where he, once again, walked into the place like a presidential candidate waving at & hugging people...

I'm starting to think people skills cannot be taught.

With just Owen & Summer in tow we grabbed a few slices of pizza at Cozzoli's where the guy behind the counter asked me whose kids I stole.

I guess he noticed that the kids and I don't look anything alike so at least he's observant.

From there, I needed to swing by my Dad's place to let their dog Ruth out since they're down visiting Chapel Hill with my little sister. I'm not sure why they went since they've already been and she'll be in a dorm anyway...Plus, its not like they're going to live there...Unless they follow my sister which is a distinct possibility but thats a story for a different day on a different blog called http://www.letthekidgo.com/...

(Just kidding Dad & Stepmom)

So on the way, Owen was concerned and asked me this:

"Hey Victor...Is your Dad's dog going to be as hyper as Javi (my sister's annoying dog)?"

Now, Ruth is my favorite dog currently living. She's pretty cool and aside from getting over excited and peeing she's unbeleivably relaxed. Part of the reason I like her is because she likes to sit in a float in my dad's pool by herself and just kick it...But I also like her because she doesn't want to be bothered.

As a result, I have no problem telling Owen that Ruth will leave him alone. And, as I suspected, she did.

Oddly enough, Owen was 100% cool with Ruth once he figured out she wouldn't mess with him...and yet she wouldn't answer him when he spoke to her...So after a while I started paying attention to him and what he was calling her and realized he's calling her "Roof" and she just wasn't having it...so I told him to say it kind of like "juice" with an R and he'd get it...and he did.

Once we finished lunch, Owen really badly wanted to watch TV inside because, as he put it

"I've neva watched TV here before and I just want to"

Who the hell am I to argue with that?

So while they sat down to enjoy some TV until we go get Ethan, I'm in my Dad's study typing up this here post...

Back in a bit

Day 58 - Someone Hates Me

I don't care if its God, Allah, Brigham Young or Bea Arthur - Someone upstairs hates me right now.

Remember how my car stopped working and then it, thankfully, was just a dead battery?

Last night, while driving to grab dinner with my sister my CD player just stopped working.

This, if you know me, is a huge issue for my well-being...

Now, while I'm not surprised what happened next DID surprise me.

I pick up my little sisters car which is newer than mine...In addition, she has a pretty much brand spanking new CD player that she loves...I know that sounds weird but she loves this thing. It flips down and has a remote and she just thinks it's the bee's knees. She's weird and obviously my sister...

However today, as I'm driving the kids to school, I'm having an adolescent flashback because the currently playing CD is a mix of all Dave Matthews Band songs...After thinking about every dance I ever went to, I decide to change from one song to the next and hit the button.

No response.

Hmmm...OK...I'll wait.

Still waiting...

More waiting...

What the eff is going on!? I should not have to wait this long for an electronic device to work in 2009...

I get antsy and instead decide to eject the CD and start fresh. So I hit the eject button.

Nothing.

I can hear whirling inside the CD player but I don't see the CD...

Panic starts to settle in since I realize that maybe I have some issues going on...It's like the opposite of the Midas Touch...

Needless to say, I'm not thrilled right now and I absolutely will not be going to the doctor any time soon out of fear I might have some crazy illness they can't solve.

AHHHHHHH

That being said, I love those kids. Even if I wake up bad or want to bash my head in because my car stereo is messing with me, they can shift the tide...

This morning, before the CD Player Fiasco, one of the songs on the CD was that new Black Eyed Peas song. As we're driving and it's playing, I glance in the rear view mirror only to see Ethan just bobbing his head perfectly in sync to the music...

So I tell him to throw his shoulders into it...and he does. Enthusiastically.

Kid's got flair.

Day 57 - Snacktime

Owen had some pretzels earlier so he's good...

However, Ethan settled on Ritz peanut butter bites...

Summer chose to go with pretzels because they are apparently her "fray-vorite"

Day 57 - And We're Back

Owen's dressed in his Spiderman costume complete with built in padded muscles...

Ethan is wearing a Darth Vader costume with the jacket from his Fireman costume on...Not to mention his "slipper boots" that are basically house slippers that just look like cowboy boots...

For unknown reasons, he just walked up to Owen and goes

"Hey Tony"

It took me a while to figure out he was kidding and was refrencing Tony Stark from Iron Man...these kids are freaks when it comes to their memory...

Ethan also hugged & kissed EVERY SINGLE PERSON at his exercise class...It's beyond pathetic that he's better with women than my friends and I...

Day 57 - WHEW...

Sure, there's no milk in the house so the kids aren't thrilled...but the good news is my car is OK...it's just the battery...

Not going to lie, I'm impressed. The battery was the original from 1997...Considering I have an Ipod from 2003 that doesn't work anymore I have to say I'm pleased with Lexus and their commitment to excellence...Even if all my car really is is a glorified Toyota Camry...

Summer fell asleep in the car earlier and then asked me if she could take a nap so, for the first time in a while, she's down for the count...As a result it's just Owen and I watching Underdog and loving the rain (but not really...)

Day 57 - Perfect. Awesome.

So I realize last week was probably the worst 5 day run on this blog since I started it...For whatever reason, we just didn't have much going on. As a result, I felt all guilty this weekend like I'm being paid to write this thing...

Speaking of getting paid: Remember how the door handle to my car broke off...and then a few weeks later the seat belt got assaulted...Welp, yesterday to help me celebrate Mother's Day (PS- happy belated MDay to all the moms reading this) my car decided it just wasn't going to start...

Basically what I'm saying is I need to line up a real job for when this gig ends because I need to buy a new car. I think I've been seduced by the fact my car doesn't look it's age and still drives well so I was lulled into thinking it was in tip top shape and, frankly, it's not. It's like Raquel Welch - it looks good for its age and all but it's still old and falling apart...

So, you know, if anyone has a job for me feel free to let me know though I should say I have little interest in being a manny for my career...otherwise, I'm wide open.

Anyway, today should be fun because I'm trying to get my car towed to a mechanic and have him fix everything...

Currently, all 3 coworkers are in costumes and I'm about to call Triple A to get the car towed...

Back in a bit.

Day 56 - Haircuts and other stuff

We got our hair cut...I think the best part of going in there on a Friday is that it's packed with all the same old people we see every time we go...Well, old ladies...

Summer probably has the best cut...She got it cleaned up and then my Mom curled it for her and I'm not going to lie - She looks pretty darn gorgeous.

It cracks me up when Summer feels pretty because she's just walking around waiting for someone to make a compliment...and then she beams...

The boys look sharp. We can see their eyes again which is a fairly big deal if you ask me...

I still feel like hell...

Back in a bit.

PS - I got an email from someone claiming to be Amazing JCrew Girl's Dad...which sort of threw me off...I find myself now really hoping that my post involving Amazing JCrew Girl was more endearing than creepy.

Day 56 - Friday (not so) Fun Day

I'm not going to lie. Last night was Drummie De Mayo (Birthday was Wednesday/Celebration on Thursday/Rest on Friday) and I do not like how I feel.

We're going to get our haircut...I'll be back in a bit.

Day 55 - A Little Bit About Today

It's been raining all week. I hate the rain so much. I think if I lived in Seattle I would have, by now, murdered like 100 people...How those people do it is beyond me...Rain, every day, all day...I'd rather get water boarded 5 times a year over being rained on 320 times a year...

Summer is wearing her squeaky shoes which I hate with a friggin passion only because it's an annoying squeak and she loves it so she takes extra steps and AHHHH...It kills me...

Both she and Owen fell asleep on the way from school to Ethan's exercise class...That was cool. I wish I could upload the photos off my cell phone to the blog because Summer had her head leaning down and then Owen had his head leaning on hers...It was pretty funny.

We're about go to pick up Ethan and then I'm pretty sure I'm on the hook for, like, 300 drawings each...

Day 55 - Last Night

So before I get into anything concerning today I wanted to run down this story from last night.

On the CEO's way home he called me to see if I had any interest getting dinner with the kids and him since the CFO would be working late.

He said he'd pay.

I said OK.

After a spirited and passionate discussion we settled on Applebees which seemed like a solid idea because I like chicken tenders...(Little did I know I would abort this plan later and then regret it)

So I meet them there and realize immediately this is going to be a wild event based on the fact they were all seated on the same side of the booth as the CEO and jostling for position. Then they all break into a tug-o-war with the 12 crayons (4 for each) the hostess handed them...

Awesome.

Actually, I take that back as Owen wasn't really involved and after I asked if anyone would sit with me so I didn't look weird he slid under the table and popped up on my side. He's a pretty cool little kid.

Anyway, CEO does the check/double-check on everyone's order (including my own) and then we nodded at the waitress in a come hither fashion.

She ambles over and we put in our order and then she brings over some Mozzarella sticks we ordered earlier (delicious)...Those were good fun because they were extra stretchy and the kids had a ball with this.

Eventually she brings over our food. This works out beautifully because for some unknown reason both Owen and Summer asked for mashed potatoes - which, in the end, they didn't want when they saw their dad and Ethan eating french fries...

(Note: this is why a lot of the time I don't even listen to them...I just give them what I know they'll eat not what they think they'll want...But you can't do that in a restaurant because they will go crazy)

So after eating our food and having Ethan pull the limbo and end up on my side too we got the check. For the record, the boys hated their grilled cheese's and Summer barely ate her chicken tenders...But otherwise it was a solid trip.

However, we weren't done yet...On the way in, the kids saw one of those crane games filled with cheap stuffed animals that almost no one ever wins and they were transfixed.

The CEO, seeing an opportunity to hold some incentive over their heads, promised the kids if they were good throughout dinner they could give it a whirl.

So they did.

And as the CEO is behind them helping each one aimlessly toss a weak crane about he and I enjoyed some fun back and forth about how worthless this game is. I believe my favorite line was this one from the CEO:

"Hey guys how about next time I'll just give you guys some quarters and you can throw them in the street..."

Point is - that game sucks.

Sorry for the late posts I've been busy...this new schedule makes things a bit more difficult...I'll figure it out soon enough...

Day 54 - Link

My new post for www.Richmond.com is up...It's not very good (or good at all) but it's there so I figured I'd let you know...

Here it is

Day 54 - Cool Ethan

So, after I clearly explained to Ethan and Owen why they were going to be sharing a movie (mainly because, you know, they wanted the SAME movie...) Ethan decided to go to his mom and say I didn't get him one.

Not cool man. Not cool.

So after his exercise class, because he was very good again, I swung by Blockbuster. Again.

And grabbed him the movie he was considering yesterday...

Naturally, once I got outside and gave it to him the others wanted one...which kills me.

They can remember the time 2 months ago we went to Ben Franklin but they cant remember that I got them movies yesterday...Outrageous.

On top of that, Ethan start bragging when he got home how his Mom was going to get him a movie too...

Bad news buddy: That's not gonna happen...

Day 54 - Things Found In My Email

Just wanted to let you know that you have a faithful reader from New Iberia, Louisiana. I have been reading your Mr. Nanny blogs since the first week you started. I look forward to reading them everyday. I will also enjoy reading your take on the social life etc., in your new blog. I really enjoy your writing style. Keep on keeping on!

Your Cajun Fan!!


THANKS KJWAG...I have no idea where New Iberia is so this is definitely exciting news...