Owen asked me to throw on an episode of a SpiderMan cartoon...So I did...
The opening scene is Peter Parker and some jezebel named Felicia...Peter asks her out to dinner and she says no...Because dinners are for boyfriends...Apparently, a good tutor is hard to find according to Felicia...
Ol' Pete's reaction is classic...I say its classic because I know it firsthand...
Anyways, leave it to that floozy for blowing her shot with SpiderMan...
Hindsight is 20/20 Felicia...
If the title of this posts confuses you let me bring you up to speed...the week before Tony Romo became the Cowboys starting QB his girlfriend dumped him.
Great job unidentified girl...seriously...well played.
[Update: Felicia shows back up...Apparently, when Peter walked away early on this pissed her off enough to tell him maybe they could do lunch. Run, Peter, Run!]
Friday, February 27, 2009
Day 10 - Some Ideas
Alright, look, I know you guys haven't been entertained today...
Between my feeling a bit iffy and, well, that's really all I got...I'm sure y'all wish I was a bit more lively with the kids
Plus, for whatever reason, after two weeks I want to start spicing this thing up a little bit.
I know next week I have a field trip in mind...I'd also like to do a lunch out with the CEO (I'd include the CFO but shes a bit farther away from us)...
My sister has been harassing me about getting her a little shout out on the blog so I figure we may throw a lunch in with Tica (that's her blog name so don't get all confused)
But, with all of that being said, I'm still looking for some ideas since I'm pretty new to this...As such, it would be great to get some ideas from readers...I really want this to be an "everyone wins" type of scenario...
For example: One loyal reader suggested I start hitting the movies on the weekends to screen one kids movie a week...Naturally, I loved this idea because the Jonas Brothers would supply me with an endless stream of jokes...Plus, I get to add my take on the hidden messages being shoved down the throats of America's youth...
So think about some ideas or any suggestions you may have for content and send them on over to
Mrnannyblog@gmail.com
Thanks again for reading.
Bictor
Between my feeling a bit iffy and, well, that's really all I got...I'm sure y'all wish I was a bit more lively with the kids
Plus, for whatever reason, after two weeks I want to start spicing this thing up a little bit.
I know next week I have a field trip in mind...I'd also like to do a lunch out with the CEO (I'd include the CFO but shes a bit farther away from us)...
My sister has been harassing me about getting her a little shout out on the blog so I figure we may throw a lunch in with Tica (that's her blog name so don't get all confused)
But, with all of that being said, I'm still looking for some ideas since I'm pretty new to this...As such, it would be great to get some ideas from readers...I really want this to be an "everyone wins" type of scenario...
For example: One loyal reader suggested I start hitting the movies on the weekends to screen one kids movie a week...Naturally, I loved this idea because the Jonas Brothers would supply me with an endless stream of jokes...Plus, I get to add my take on the hidden messages being shoved down the throats of America's youth...
So think about some ideas or any suggestions you may have for content and send them on over to
Mrnannyblog@gmail.com
Thanks again for reading.
Bictor
Day 10 - Owen Has Had Enough
He is full on making fun of me...
Look, I don't want anyone choking on my watch so everytime I hear a cough I ask if everyones ok.
Yes, this might be annoying but its my intial reaction...like your mom reaching across your chest when she hits the brakes late or Chris Brown smacking Rhianna because she threw his keys out the window...It's not for everyone but it works for me.
Anyways, Owen has also had a cough so he's gotten the bulk of my "You OK?"
Wednesday he started in with the "Why do you keep asking me that?"
Today, I did it for the second time and he lost it...
"I am fine...How come every day you ask me if I'm OK when I cough? Everyday you say 'Are you OK?' 'Are you OK?' ahhhh"
I can't help but laugh. The kid is sharp...
[Update: Owen's been complaining for a week about how this little piece of his shoe has broken...All he wants is someone to superglue it...I told him that I'll remember to tell the CEO...Here's his response
"OK but dont forget because earlier you forgot to put Spider Man on too"]
Look, I don't want anyone choking on my watch so everytime I hear a cough I ask if everyones ok.
Yes, this might be annoying but its my intial reaction...like your mom reaching across your chest when she hits the brakes late or Chris Brown smacking Rhianna because she threw his keys out the window...It's not for everyone but it works for me.
Anyways, Owen has also had a cough so he's gotten the bulk of my "You OK?"
Wednesday he started in with the "Why do you keep asking me that?"
Today, I did it for the second time and he lost it...
"I am fine...How come every day you ask me if I'm OK when I cough? Everyday you say 'Are you OK?' 'Are you OK?' ahhhh"
I can't help but laugh. The kid is sharp...
[Update: Owen's been complaining for a week about how this little piece of his shoe has broken...All he wants is someone to superglue it...I told him that I'll remember to tell the CEO...Here's his response
"OK but dont forget because earlier you forgot to put Spider Man on too"]
Day 10 - She's BOSSY
Summer has been real sassy today...
But not in a bad way...just in a real sassy lady way...
Leave it to the lady to prey on me when I'm weak...
I just cleaned dirt off her face...I jokingly told her she couldn't eat dirt.
"Buh Buh But I spit it out"
Oh sweet. So you did try and eat the dirt...How about we stop doing that, yeah?
"OwwwK"
But not in a bad way...just in a real sassy lady way...
Leave it to the lady to prey on me when I'm weak...
I just cleaned dirt off her face...I jokingly told her she couldn't eat dirt.
"Buh Buh But I spit it out"
Oh sweet. So you did try and eat the dirt...How about we stop doing that, yeah?
"OwwwK"
Day 10 - Connect This...
Oh Snap.
Guess who just got served in Connect Four...
Me...
Real cool Owen...
He better not ask me for lunch...because he's out of luck today. I am NOT taking this loss well.
(I'm kidding. He will get a delicious and nutritional lunch made with love...)
Great video though...
Guess who just got served in Connect Four...
Me...
Real cool Owen...
He better not ask me for lunch...because he's out of luck today. I am NOT taking this loss well.
(I'm kidding. He will get a delicious and nutritional lunch made with love...)
Great video though...
Day 10 - The Difference Between Your Job & Mine
If you're sick you can just hide in your cube with headphones on pretending to do a spreadsheet you did last week...
These kids dont care that I'm all weak and emaciated at the moment...they got things to do...
Ethan just tried to get me to take his movie back because he already watched it. I asked why...He said so he can get another one...
No sir...thats not how we're playing this game buddy...
Instead, he changes the question to whether Garrett can come over again.
Absolutely.
These kids dont care that I'm all weak and emaciated at the moment...they got things to do...
Ethan just tried to get me to take his movie back because he already watched it. I asked why...He said so he can get another one...
No sir...thats not how we're playing this game buddy...
Instead, he changes the question to whether Garrett can come over again.
Absolutely.
Day 10 - Barely Alive
I'm on duty today. I still feel a bit shaky but I also feel significantly better...So that's good, right?
When I showed up Owen was just kicking it in the kitchen watching some Batman and coloring...
Ethan and Summer were outside playing (yeah, already, at 8:15 AM) with some neighborhood cat named Pia. I have strict instructions to not allow Pia in the house.
For some reason, I fully expect Summer or Ethan to let Pia in the house.
Owen has asked me to write up a Christmas list for him. I want to remind him it's not even March yet...
However, he's asking for all Super hero figures...Hey, CEO & CFO...Good luck finding Thunder Cat figurines...That show was made in the early 80's...While you're looking for those I would like a He-Man doll.
Ethan would like a porcupine. As in, the animal. That's all he said he wants for X-Mas...
Ethan is going to be a very disappointed kid when Christmas 2009 comes...
When I showed up Owen was just kicking it in the kitchen watching some Batman and coloring...
Ethan and Summer were outside playing (yeah, already, at 8:15 AM) with some neighborhood cat named Pia. I have strict instructions to not allow Pia in the house.
For some reason, I fully expect Summer or Ethan to let Pia in the house.
Owen has asked me to write up a Christmas list for him. I want to remind him it's not even March yet...
However, he's asking for all Super hero figures...Hey, CEO & CFO...Good luck finding Thunder Cat figurines...That show was made in the early 80's...While you're looking for those I would like a He-Man doll.
Ethan would like a porcupine. As in, the animal. That's all he said he wants for X-Mas...
Ethan is going to be a very disappointed kid when Christmas 2009 comes...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Day 9 - I'm Going To Live!
Alright, I just passed out for a while...and when I say a "while" I mean I was laying there and passed out at some point so I don't know how much I've slept...but it felt fantastic
I need to call the CEO and see whats going on with the kids...I feel like a total schmuck already calling in sick...
Not to mention...I realized earlier I already broke a promise to Ethan - I told him he could watch me puke the next time I had to...and I didnt.
Some "manny" huh?
I need to call the CEO and see whats going on with the kids...I feel like a total schmuck already calling in sick...
Not to mention...I realized earlier I already broke a promise to Ethan - I told him he could watch me puke the next time I had to...and I didnt.
Some "manny" huh?
Day 9 - The Gare-Wet Recap
OK...You guys are going to hate me.
My camera is awful...So while Garrett came over and knocked out three songs I'm only going to post the video of one...
Song #1 was Jack Johnson's "Upside Down" off the Curious George soundtrack...Garrett made an effort to learn it in 1 day so the music was fine but he stumbled a couple times on the lyrics...Luckily, the kids didn't notice and Garrett didn't let a little stumble stop him.
He was totally committed.
Naturally, my camera stopped mid way.
Song #2 was The White Stripes "We Are Going To Be Friends." He really nailed this one because he knew it...and as you'll see in the video, the goings are slow at first but Summer and Ethan really get into it...
I think Owen's cold had him reeling because he wasn't his usual self yesterday...
Song #3 was a song by Garrett's band, gill, "Four Letter Words." There were no four letter words in the song...unless they were clean. This would have been a great video if my camera didn't completely shut down in the middle...
As such, you folks will have to just settle for one video of Gare-wet performing for the kids...
To be honest, I have no idea what the quality will be like...if it will skip or what...This camera is a soldier
So just hang in there and hopefully by next week we can record a newer version once Garrett's over his cold and will trust me with his camera...
Also, make sure you keep an eye on Ethan's left shoulder bounce and Summer's rump shake...Both are high comedy in my eyes...
PS - Ethan went nuts for all of this. Absolutely loved it. I heard a good six to eight "Tanks Gare-wet" and he even threw G a few "big hugs" with a kiss for good measure...Ethan was obsessed with Garrett's guitar too...I got a feeling he might be a guitar player one day...
My camera is awful...So while Garrett came over and knocked out three songs I'm only going to post the video of one...
Song #1 was Jack Johnson's "Upside Down" off the Curious George soundtrack...Garrett made an effort to learn it in 1 day so the music was fine but he stumbled a couple times on the lyrics...Luckily, the kids didn't notice and Garrett didn't let a little stumble stop him.
He was totally committed.
Naturally, my camera stopped mid way.
Song #2 was The White Stripes "We Are Going To Be Friends." He really nailed this one because he knew it...and as you'll see in the video, the goings are slow at first but Summer and Ethan really get into it...
I think Owen's cold had him reeling because he wasn't his usual self yesterday...
Song #3 was a song by Garrett's band, gill, "Four Letter Words." There were no four letter words in the song...unless they were clean. This would have been a great video if my camera didn't completely shut down in the middle...
As such, you folks will have to just settle for one video of Gare-wet performing for the kids...
To be honest, I have no idea what the quality will be like...if it will skip or what...This camera is a soldier
So just hang in there and hopefully by next week we can record a newer version once Garrett's over his cold and will trust me with his camera...
Also, make sure you keep an eye on Ethan's left shoulder bounce and Summer's rump shake...Both are high comedy in my eyes...
PS - Ethan went nuts for all of this. Absolutely loved it. I heard a good six to eight "Tanks Gare-wet" and he even threw G a few "big hugs" with a kiss for good measure...Ethan was obsessed with Garrett's guitar too...I got a feeling he might be a guitar player one day...
Day 9 - The Wrath of Ethan
Hey there...
Good News: I woke up early enough to catch a few episodes of Saved By The Bell...
Bad News: I got hit with Ethan's evil sickness last night...as did the CEO
As such, I will not be at work today...at least early on...
I'll try and get around to posting Garrett's kid concert debut in a bit...
Toodles.
Good News: I woke up early enough to catch a few episodes of Saved By The Bell...
Bad News: I got hit with Ethan's evil sickness last night...as did the CEO
As such, I will not be at work today...at least early on...
I'll try and get around to posting Garrett's kid concert debut in a bit...
Toodles.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Day 8 - Here Comes Gare-wet
Garrett is en route.
Everyone...relax...clean up your area like the kids and wait patiently...
Everyone...relax...clean up your area like the kids and wait patiently...
Day 8 - Real Cool Co-Workers
I went upstairs because I realized I hadn't seen Ethan or Summer for a while.
Owen was staying near me the whole time so with him in tow we climbed the stairs...
We walk into a spare room with some chairs and such in it...and Ethan (surrounded by every stuffed animal he has) sitting in a chair talking to Summer (who is also surrounded by every stuffed animal she has, including a giant stuffed dog)...
Before I can ask what in the Tim Tebow is going on in there, Summer speaks up:
"Heyyyy Bictor! Ware habin a meetin"
I laugh and tell them to call me if they need any help...
Ethan replies with an energetic "Owwwwight"
Owen and I go back downstairs to finish our game of Scrabble.
Owen was staying near me the whole time so with him in tow we climbed the stairs...
We walk into a spare room with some chairs and such in it...and Ethan (surrounded by every stuffed animal he has) sitting in a chair talking to Summer (who is also surrounded by every stuffed animal she has, including a giant stuffed dog)...
Before I can ask what in the Tim Tebow is going on in there, Summer speaks up:
"Heyyyy Bictor! Ware habin a meetin"
I laugh and tell them to call me if they need any help...
Ethan replies with an energetic "Owwwwight"
Owen and I go back downstairs to finish our game of Scrabble.
Day 8 - Owen Has A Cold
I know Owen has a cold.
How do I know this?
He's been snotting like crazy and he just stopped coloring to ask me if I could wipe the snot off his page.
Yeah. It fell from his nose to his page. It's a masterpiece though so he doesn't want a new sheet...
[Update: If I wasn't Magic Johnson positive before, I am now that he's been pulling balled up tissues out of his pocket like my grandmother pulls out nondescript candies wrapped in cellophane.]
How do I know this?
He's been snotting like crazy and he just stopped coloring to ask me if I could wipe the snot off his page.
Yeah. It fell from his nose to his page. It's a masterpiece though so he doesn't want a new sheet...
[Update: If I wasn't Magic Johnson positive before, I am now that he's been pulling balled up tissues out of his pocket like my grandmother pulls out nondescript candies wrapped in cellophane.]
Day 8 - The Blockbuster Trip 2
This time we hit up the Blockbuster on Gayton...Wow, much better selection...
Naturally, more choices = more pain for Victor...
(Sorry, Bictor...You people have been eating that name change up!)
Owen scores Batman vs. Dracula (who I don't ever recall battling Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney, or Christian Bale...)
Ethan finds "The Little Einsteins" featuring the red rocket ship...Easy sell...
Summer decides on "Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus." Apparently, she's been looking for this one...I know this because she said
"I...I...Bictor...I been lookin for dis one"
(Fun Wikipedia Fact: There are two versions of the birth of the winged stallion Pegasus and his brother Chrysaor,
However, everything was cool up until I stumbled across "Handy Manny."
Oh, if you aren't familiar with "Handy Manny" allow me to bring you up to speed.
"Manny" (Not to be confused with THE MANNY) is a handy man...he's also clearly of a Hispanic origin...On top of that...His voice? Wilmer Valderama...
So just in case you guys weren't sure he was blatantly being billed as a latino...Wilmer stepped in to lend his fantastic take on English...
To recap: I am now familiar with the Spanish Grandmother story where they visit sweatshops and orange stands...and now I know about Handy Manny...I'm half waiting for the movie
"Handy Manny waits for work at the Home Depot"
It's Soap Box time...How come white people get princesses and super heroes and minorities get stereotype reinforcement?
This. Is. Ridiculous.
"Handy Manny"
*********** OH PS (CUSSING ALERT) *************
I'd like to thank the assholes at Blockbuster who put Barbie & the Pegasus back in circulation after a past renter apparently ran nails across its surface...I now have two kids with a movie and one girl contemplating stabbing me because her movie doesn't work...
KUDOS BLOCKBUSTER...REALLY YOU GUYS GET AN A+ TODAY!!!
Naturally, more choices = more pain for Victor...
(Sorry, Bictor...You people have been eating that name change up!)
Owen scores Batman vs. Dracula (who I don't ever recall battling Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney, or Christian Bale...)
Ethan finds "The Little Einsteins" featuring the red rocket ship...Easy sell...
Summer decides on "Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus." Apparently, she's been looking for this one...I know this because she said
"I...I...Bictor...I been lookin for dis one"
(Fun Wikipedia Fact: There are two versions of the birth of the winged stallion Pegasus and his brother Chrysaor,
- One is that they sprang from Medusa's neck as Perseus beheaded her, like the birth of Athena from the head of Zeus.
- Another says that they were born of the Earth as Medusa's blood spilled onto it, in which case Poseidon would not be their sire. A variation on this story holds that they were formed from the mingling of Medusa's blood and the sea foam, thus including Poseidon in their making. )
However, everything was cool up until I stumbled across "Handy Manny."
Oh, if you aren't familiar with "Handy Manny" allow me to bring you up to speed.
"Manny" (Not to be confused with THE MANNY) is a handy man...he's also clearly of a Hispanic origin...On top of that...His voice? Wilmer Valderama...
So just in case you guys weren't sure he was blatantly being billed as a latino...Wilmer stepped in to lend his fantastic take on English...
To recap: I am now familiar with the Spanish Grandmother story where they visit sweatshops and orange stands...and now I know about Handy Manny...I'm half waiting for the movie
"Handy Manny waits for work at the Home Depot"
It's Soap Box time...How come white people get princesses and super heroes and minorities get stereotype reinforcement?
This. Is. Ridiculous.
"Handy Manny"
*********** OH PS (CUSSING ALERT) *************
I'd like to thank the assholes at Blockbuster who put Barbie & the Pegasus back in circulation after a past renter apparently ran nails across its surface...I now have two kids with a movie and one girl contemplating stabbing me because her movie doesn't work...
KUDOS BLOCKBUSTER...REALLY YOU GUYS GET AN A+ TODAY!!!
Day 8 - The Trip To And Fro
So on the way to school, I realize I have forgotten this piece of paper with two giant numbers on it...I use this to make a quick pick up at the school...
I imagine its like going into a seedy part of town to score some crazy drug where they send a runner out to your car...Only in this scenario they bring 2 kids out...
Way healthier.
Anyways, once this realization sets in (mainly, its the fact I have to get out of the car with Summer and then buckle all three back in - which is AWFUL) I decide I'm going to share this fact with Summer who I'm sure will care.
"Daggit, Sum, I forgot that paper I colored..."
"Dada says dont say bad words"
"Huh? What did I say?"
"You said damnit"
"Whoa...(drop my voice a notch) Number 1 - dont say that...Number 2 - I didn't say that...I said 'daggit' and thats OK"
"Silly is OK too"
"Silly is perfect"
Summer proceeds to pass out for the remainder of our ride.
I imagine its like going into a seedy part of town to score some crazy drug where they send a runner out to your car...Only in this scenario they bring 2 kids out...
Way healthier.
Anyways, once this realization sets in (mainly, its the fact I have to get out of the car with Summer and then buckle all three back in - which is AWFUL) I decide I'm going to share this fact with Summer who I'm sure will care.
"Daggit, Sum, I forgot that paper I colored..."
"Dada says dont say bad words"
"Huh? What did I say?"
"You said damnit"
"Whoa...(drop my voice a notch) Number 1 - dont say that...Number 2 - I didn't say that...I said 'daggit' and thats OK"
"Silly is OK too"
"Silly is perfect"
Summer proceeds to pass out for the remainder of our ride.
Day 8 - Goodness Grayshush
Hey,
There is something incredibly hilarious and adorable about Summer saying
"Goodness gray-shush"
We're going to pick the boys up now.
There is something incredibly hilarious and adorable about Summer saying
"Goodness gray-shush"
We're going to pick the boys up now.
Day 8 - Summer Needs Her Privacy
Last week, Summer would do her own bathroom trips but would appreciate my hanging out nearby...
Luckily, we have progressed from that stage all the way over to Summer asking me to leave the bathroom.
Specifically, she asks if she can have her "pri-bacy"
I'm totally OK with that...
She even put her pants back on by herself (which elicited a cheer from the both of us)
Good times.
Luckily, we have progressed from that stage all the way over to Summer asking me to leave the bathroom.
Specifically, she asks if she can have her "pri-bacy"
I'm totally OK with that...
She even put her pants back on by herself (which elicited a cheer from the both of us)
Good times.
Day 8 - Donuts
On the way back from school, Summer asked for donuts.
Apparently, she remembers last week when I gave her powdered donuts after dropping the boys off.
Being the tough guy I am...we went to 7-11...
She is now thoroughly enjoying two chocolate covered donuts...and watching Spongebob Squarepants
PS - Some of the kids at school looked ridiculous for picture day. I continue to believe some parents simply do NOT want their children to succeed socially.
Apparently, she remembers last week when I gave her powdered donuts after dropping the boys off.
Being the tough guy I am...we went to 7-11...
She is now thoroughly enjoying two chocolate covered donuts...and watching Spongebob Squarepants
PS - Some of the kids at school looked ridiculous for picture day. I continue to believe some parents simply do NOT want their children to succeed socially.
Day 8 - We're Going To School
Today is Picture Day. The boys are each wearing a button down shirt and some pants - Ethan has jeans, Owen has khakis...
Summer is wearing a princess dress.
Ethan has been crying since the CEO left because the CEO didn't draw him Tigger & Pooh.
I am holding the movie store trip and gare-wet over him as incentive to stop crying.
It is working.
Summer is wearing a princess dress.
Ethan has been crying since the CEO left because the CEO didn't draw him Tigger & Pooh.
I am holding the movie store trip and gare-wet over him as incentive to stop crying.
It is working.
Day 8 - GOOD MORNING
Alright. We've made it through a week and a half almost without any blood or significant injuries...
(Originally, I would have included vomit on that list...but as many of you are aware we've had more vomit time than backyard play time...sooooo yeah)
I'm in the office. I hear the coworkers upstairs making a ruckus. I'm going to wait for them to come find me.
Today, folks, is a HUGE DAY...
We've got school.
We're going to hit Blockbuster.
We're going to knock out some new masks...
And the biggest news of all?
GARRETT IS SCHEDULED TO PERFORM FOR THE KIDS THIS AFTERNOON...
[I will record each song...and post them tomorrow most likely throughout the day...)
Get. Fired. Up.
(Originally, I would have included vomit on that list...but as many of you are aware we've had more vomit time than backyard play time...sooooo yeah)
I'm in the office. I hear the coworkers upstairs making a ruckus. I'm going to wait for them to come find me.
Today, folks, is a HUGE DAY...
We've got school.
We're going to hit Blockbuster.
We're going to knock out some new masks...
And the biggest news of all?
GARRETT IS SCHEDULED TO PERFORM FOR THE KIDS THIS AFTERNOON...
[I will record each song...and post them tomorrow most likely throughout the day...)
Get. Fired. Up.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Day 7 - These Are The Swings
[Update: When you read the title of this post you should be saying it just like Kurtis Blow does in his song "The Breaks"]
Swings are awesome.
Even when your whole job is to push, all they do is laugh so it feels like youre really doing something great...
However, this experience - which ended in non stop laughter - started with a genuine "Oh crap" moment.
I told Summer to put herself on a swing while I helped Ethan jump on his...Next thing I hear is a "thud" and I look over to see Summer on her back, feet resting on the swing, with that "I'm about to freak out and cry" look on her face...
She freaks out and cries.
I pick her up and try to make the "Hey why are you on your back and covered in dirt?" joke...She doesn't laugh. I think she raised her fist at me actually.
She eventually stops crying.
We proceed to swing.
For some reason as I push Summer she likes to say "Here we GO" and Ethan likes to say "Smushy"
So here I was running back forth saying
"Here we Goooo" "Smushy" "Here we goooo" "Smuuuushy"
Needless to say, I've never felt or looked cooler...
PS - Ethan rocked cleats for this adventure...which cracked me up
Swings are awesome.
Even when your whole job is to push, all they do is laugh so it feels like youre really doing something great...
However, this experience - which ended in non stop laughter - started with a genuine "Oh crap" moment.
I told Summer to put herself on a swing while I helped Ethan jump on his...Next thing I hear is a "thud" and I look over to see Summer on her back, feet resting on the swing, with that "I'm about to freak out and cry" look on her face...
She freaks out and cries.
I pick her up and try to make the "Hey why are you on your back and covered in dirt?" joke...She doesn't laugh. I think she raised her fist at me actually.
She eventually stops crying.
We proceed to swing.
For some reason as I push Summer she likes to say "Here we GO" and Ethan likes to say "Smushy"
So here I was running back forth saying
"Here we Goooo" "Smushy" "Here we goooo" "Smuuuushy"
Needless to say, I've never felt or looked cooler...
PS - Ethan rocked cleats for this adventure...which cracked me up
Day 7 - Can Ethan Go Outside?
There is currently an internal debate as to whether or not Ethan should be allowed to go outside.
He claims that he feels good enough to go out if he wears layers...
I'm not so sure...
The CEO has said its OK as long as he bundles up properly. I'm only telling you this so you understand not to blame me if the kid ends up with some crazy variation of the flu no one has seen yet...
Either way, here's how we've prepared Ethan for the conditions...
He claims that he feels good enough to go out if he wears layers...
I'm not so sure...
The CEO has said its OK as long as he bundles up properly. I'm only telling you this so you understand not to blame me if the kid ends up with some crazy variation of the flu no one has seen yet...
Either way, here's how we've prepared Ethan for the conditions...
Day 7 - The Rocket
Ethan has been slaving over this drawing the CEO did for him of the Little Einstein gang and their red Rocket Ship...
When I say slaving, the kid is diving into a giant box of crayons to get colors spot on...He's got super human focus for this task...
After he's finished he shows me and we both erupt with "yeahs!" and low fives...
I tell him he did a great job...
As he walks away he aknowledges my comment
"Th-th-thaaaaaanks Bictor!"
Summer also just ate a whole banana. After two servings of "Cars" themed chicken noodle soup.
When I say slaving, the kid is diving into a giant box of crayons to get colors spot on...He's got super human focus for this task...
After he's finished he shows me and we both erupt with "yeahs!" and low fives...
I tell him he did a great job...
As he walks away he aknowledges my comment
"Th-th-thaaaaaanks Bictor!"
Summer also just ate a whole banana. After two servings of "Cars" themed chicken noodle soup.
Day 7 - We're Home
After Summer decided to climb the tree near the drive way...and somehow got herself stuck in it...We all go inside...
Ethan hears a commotion and heads our way...this is our exchange:
"Hey...hey...Bictor is that you?"
"It's me Eeeeethaaan" (I say this in a weird voice)
"Dat doesn't sound like Bictor"
At this time I come around the corner and he can see me...Big smile crosses his face...
"Heyyyyy Bictor! Der you are"
CEO is working from home today to keep tabs on Ethan who seems to be improving. I asked if he felt better and he said he did...but that tomorrow he would feel "superbetter."
Summer is still in her great mood. She has found a candle.
"Heyy Bictor...Dis candle smells good...It smells like...like...cake!"
I laugh. I hear the CEO laugh from the other room. I decide this is blog worthy.
Lunch Making Time.
Ethan hears a commotion and heads our way...this is our exchange:
"Hey...hey...Bictor is that you?"
"It's me Eeeeethaaan" (I say this in a weird voice)
"Dat doesn't sound like Bictor"
At this time I come around the corner and he can see me...Big smile crosses his face...
"Heyyyyy Bictor! Der you are"
CEO is working from home today to keep tabs on Ethan who seems to be improving. I asked if he felt better and he said he did...but that tomorrow he would feel "superbetter."
Summer is still in her great mood. She has found a candle.
"Heyy Bictor...Dis candle smells good...It smells like...like...cake!"
I laugh. I hear the CEO laugh from the other room. I decide this is blog worthy.
Lunch Making Time.
Day 7 - The Trip Back From School
Both Summer & Owen were in fantastic moods...like outrageously good moods.
Either these kids love school or that school is passing out Prozac.
The whole ride is spent with Summer talking nonsense and saying things like
"Piggy Pig" and "BingoBing"
Naturally, "BingoBictor" was my favorite.
Owen spent this time with his legs and arms crossed. All he needed was a three piece suit and a glass of scotch...
Either these kids love school or that school is passing out Prozac.
The whole ride is spent with Summer talking nonsense and saying things like
"Piggy Pig" and "BingoBing"
Naturally, "BingoBictor" was my favorite.
Owen spent this time with his legs and arms crossed. All he needed was a three piece suit and a glass of scotch...
The POLL
Folks,
Since I've had a few inquiries into what I look like (I assume these are coming from people interested in either propositioning me or killing me...) I decided I would run it like a democracy and let the people speak for what they want...
So if you want to see my face, vote for me...
If you don't want to spit up your morning coffee (or afternoon V8) pick Hulk Hogan
It's that simple...
Thanks,
Bictor
Since I've had a few inquiries into what I look like (I assume these are coming from people interested in either propositioning me or killing me...) I decided I would run it like a democracy and let the people speak for what they want...
So if you want to see my face, vote for me...
If you don't want to spit up your morning coffee (or afternoon V8) pick Hulk Hogan
It's that simple...
Thanks,
Bictor
Day 7 - We're Off and Running
I walked in this morning to a good sight - Ethan dropping a big smile and a "Hey Bic-tor" on me...He looks a little weak and all but he was good...
This was followed by Summer telling me Ethan can't go to school.
At which point Ethan just melts down because apparently he really wanted to go to school. I tell him he will soon come to cherish these sick days because school will not always be fun. I am nothing if not honest.
A few minutes later, Summer has her first (note, first) meltdown of the morning because she didn't like the spoon she fought with Owen over...I can tell she's going to be a real peach today.
Owen decides that while he's been sweet all morning he's feeling left out...So he breaks down when we can't get the legs on his Spiderman figurine to touch. CEO gives him a classic explanation:
"Owen - he rides a motorcycle..."
I don't think Owen is familiar with bow legs yet. We try to demonstrate how our adult legs do not touch. He is undeterred. We do what any normal adult would do in this situation...we lie and say we'll fix it later.
Problem Solved.
Summer decides to open the waterworks again before we leave for school...the reasons vary so we'll just chalk it up to her Dada being around and her wanting to make me feel like a Grade A punk...After I put her in her seat and she is still crying, I close the door muffling her wails.
It's at this time that Owen looks at me, shakes his head, and mutters to no one in particular
"Kids..."
We both laugh.
This was followed by Summer telling me Ethan can't go to school.
At which point Ethan just melts down because apparently he really wanted to go to school. I tell him he will soon come to cherish these sick days because school will not always be fun. I am nothing if not honest.
A few minutes later, Summer has her first (note, first) meltdown of the morning because she didn't like the spoon she fought with Owen over...I can tell she's going to be a real peach today.
Owen decides that while he's been sweet all morning he's feeling left out...So he breaks down when we can't get the legs on his Spiderman figurine to touch. CEO gives him a classic explanation:
"Owen - he rides a motorcycle..."
I don't think Owen is familiar with bow legs yet. We try to demonstrate how our adult legs do not touch. He is undeterred. We do what any normal adult would do in this situation...we lie and say we'll fix it later.
Problem Solved.
Summer decides to open the waterworks again before we leave for school...the reasons vary so we'll just chalk it up to her Dada being around and her wanting to make me feel like a Grade A punk...After I put her in her seat and she is still crying, I close the door muffling her wails.
It's at this time that Owen looks at me, shakes his head, and mutters to no one in particular
"Kids..."
We both laugh.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Day 6 - Cliffhanger
So APPARENTLY a few people are freaked out right now wondering how Ethan is...
For the record, I gave up blogging when I became worried about Ethan's overall well being...He looked like Billy Bob from "Varsity Blues" when Lance Harbor gets his knee wrecked...all wobbly and weak...sorry to anyone who didn't catch that reference.
Anyways, by the time I left the office, the CEO was back as was the CEO's dad...So I bolted...
However, I wasn't out of the clear yet...the CEO called and told me Ethan threw up again...This was getting ridiculous! But then I found out he gave him a popsicle. I could have told him that wasn't going to work...
Either way, I called a little bit ago and he seems to be doing OK...He even took a bite of pizza...
I'll provide more tomorrow but I just wanted to let everyone know he (nor I) had gone into shock or anything substantial of that nature...
OH! By the way here's a picture of me when I was leaving their house today...
For the record, I gave up blogging when I became worried about Ethan's overall well being...He looked like Billy Bob from "Varsity Blues" when Lance Harbor gets his knee wrecked...all wobbly and weak...sorry to anyone who didn't catch that reference.
Anyways, by the time I left the office, the CEO was back as was the CEO's dad...So I bolted...
However, I wasn't out of the clear yet...the CEO called and told me Ethan threw up again...This was getting ridiculous! But then I found out he gave him a popsicle. I could have told him that wasn't going to work...
Either way, I called a little bit ago and he seems to be doing OK...He even took a bite of pizza...
I'll provide more tomorrow but I just wanted to let everyone know he (nor I) had gone into shock or anything substantial of that nature...
OH! By the way here's a picture of me when I was leaving their house today...
Day 6 - Great. Awesome.
Sprite doesnt help.
He has thrown up again. All liquid.
Aren't yall happy you're reading this blog today??
He has thrown up again. All liquid.
Aren't yall happy you're reading this blog today??
Day 6 - Grandma Stops By
My aunt - their grandmother - has arrived.
She has brought us Sprite and Ginger Ale.
Ethan has had a few sips of Sprite but has since passed out. He looks completely peaceful...
I feel terrible for him.
I think I lost the other two...
Just kidding, they're watching Spider Man cartoons in another room. I told them if they wake him up there will be no movies this week.
Dead silence ensued.
She has brought us Sprite and Ginger Ale.
Ethan has had a few sips of Sprite but has since passed out. He looks completely peaceful...
I feel terrible for him.
I think I lost the other two...
Just kidding, they're watching Spider Man cartoons in another room. I told them if they wake him up there will be no movies this week.
Dead silence ensued.
Day 6 - Brothers in Arms
Ethan just asked me if he saw me puke the other day. I tell him I don't believe so...I think he might be hallucinating.
To make him feel better I tell him about the time I once threw up on myself at a bar. He found this funny. Good. Because I still don't find it funny.
He asks if he can watch me throw up the next time I do because I saw him.
It's a deal.
To make him feel better I tell him about the time I once threw up on myself at a bar. He found this funny. Good. Because I still don't find it funny.
He asks if he can watch me throw up the next time I do because I saw him.
It's a deal.
Day 6 - Crazy Day
First off, I'd like to thank everyone who has emailed me. I'm not responding only because I'm busy but I wan't you to know I read it all and really appreciate the advice...It's become readily apparent that some of you are growing attached to the kids as well...so thats nice
To the girl who simply said "Take him to the doctor"
Thanks...you win the "Wow I Hadn't Thought of That Award" for today...well done...
Best quote so far?
Owen - "I like you, Victor"
Me - "Oh yeah, how come?"
Owen - "Cause you smell good"
See that ladies...5 vomit cleanups later and I still smell fresh...
To the girl who simply said "Take him to the doctor"
Thanks...you win the "Wow I Hadn't Thought of That Award" for today...well done...
Best quote so far?
Owen - "I like you, Victor"
Me - "Oh yeah, how come?"
Owen - "Cause you smell good"
See that ladies...5 vomit cleanups later and I still smell fresh...
Day 6 - I'm In Over My Head
He has thrown up again.
I'm truly freaked out and concerned.
If you have any ideas or suggestions please email me.
I'm truly freaked out and concerned.
If you have any ideas or suggestions please email me.
Day 6 - The Nanny Is Panicked
I dont know WHAT TO DO.
He has thrown up again. That means 4 times in 2.5 hours.
This time he threw up on the bench by the kitchen table next to Owen who was coloring.
Owen goes "I guess I can't color. That's disgusting..."
Owen has been keeping things fresh today...but I'm truly freaking out right now about Ethan...
WEEK 2? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? WE COULDN'T WAIT UNTIL WEEK 3 FOR VOMIT!?
He has thrown up again. That means 4 times in 2.5 hours.
This time he threw up on the bench by the kitchen table next to Owen who was coloring.
Owen goes "I guess I can't color. That's disgusting..."
Owen has been keeping things fresh today...but I'm truly freaking out right now about Ethan...
WEEK 2? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? WE COULDN'T WAIT UNTIL WEEK 3 FOR VOMIT!?
Day 6 - Sweet Deal
Ethan has thrown up again.
I am now feeling bad for him because he looks totally confused...not to mention worn out and spent from all the vomiting.
After the last go round he collapsed backwards into me like Rocky near the end of the Drago fight in Rocky 4...He was making weird noises...the likes of which I've only heard my friend Appy make when he tries to throw up...It sounded painful.
He is totally spent. I am now rubbing his belly like he's a miniature Buddha...
I asked him to not throw up on my computer. He said he won't because it will turn brown.
I feel awful for him right now.
I am now feeling bad for him because he looks totally confused...not to mention worn out and spent from all the vomiting.
After the last go round he collapsed backwards into me like Rocky near the end of the Drago fight in Rocky 4...He was making weird noises...the likes of which I've only heard my friend Appy make when he tries to throw up...It sounded painful.
He is totally spent. I am now rubbing his belly like he's a miniature Buddha...
I asked him to not throw up on my computer. He said he won't because it will turn brown.
I feel awful for him right now.
Day 6 - Are You Kidding Me Right Now!?!
JESUS. HORATIO. CHRIST.
Ethan has thrown up again. Twice in fact.
He's been drinking water. I hear him call my name. I look over and he has a weird look like he doesn't know whats about to happen.
I ask if he is going to get sick again. He says yes. We run to the bathroom. He throws up in the exact same spot...which is on the threshold of the bathroom.
This time its a two rounder.
Round 1 - Projectile vomit that is entirely made of water. All you hear is "Splash."
I laughed because this looked crazy.
Round 2 - This was the weird one. It was like dry oatmeal came out of the kid. That landed with more of a "thud."
I tell Ethan to stand in front of the toilet. He does so before deciding he would rather sit.
As I'm cleaning up this mess, he announces to everyone
"Hey Guys...We...We...We CANT go to the movie store until I feel better...because I just puked"
Good News: I apparently don't react like most. Vomit doesnt make me vomit.
Bad News: It's 9:25 and I've cleaned up puke twice. Maybe I posted that "I love my job" business a bit early this morning...
Secondary Bad News: Ethan is skinny enough...he does not need to be throwing up his food...I hope this isnt an all day thing.
Ethan has thrown up again. Twice in fact.
He's been drinking water. I hear him call my name. I look over and he has a weird look like he doesn't know whats about to happen.
I ask if he is going to get sick again. He says yes. We run to the bathroom. He throws up in the exact same spot...which is on the threshold of the bathroom.
This time its a two rounder.
Round 1 - Projectile vomit that is entirely made of water. All you hear is "Splash."
I laughed because this looked crazy.
Round 2 - This was the weird one. It was like dry oatmeal came out of the kid. That landed with more of a "thud."
I tell Ethan to stand in front of the toilet. He does so before deciding he would rather sit.
As I'm cleaning up this mess, he announces to everyone
"Hey Guys...We...We...We CANT go to the movie store until I feel better...because I just puked"
Good News: I apparently don't react like most. Vomit doesnt make me vomit.
Bad News: It's 9:25 and I've cleaned up puke twice. Maybe I posted that "I love my job" business a bit early this morning...
Secondary Bad News: Ethan is skinny enough...he does not need to be throwing up his food...I hope this isnt an all day thing.
Day 6 - Our First Vomit Story
HOLY CRAP
Ethan just threw up.
I could tell he didn't feel right. I did not expect that. He was sitting in a chair alone. I asked if he was ok. He said yes. And then he started to gag. Like whole body shaking...
Ive gone out enough to know what was coming. So I pick him up (in hindsight I realize how stupid it was to carry him facing me but what can you do...I just wanted to make the bathroom...)
We did not make it to the bathroom. As soon as I put him down he throws up. Twice. It looked staged. It was real. It looked exactly like oatmeal. Apparently, he was right when he said he thought he ate too much.
He stands in front of the toilet for a few minutes and then declares himself empty.
Summer takes this time to explain to me how she once threw up in her crib. Summer, however, uses the phrase "puked" which makes me laugh out loud. She is 3 years old.
Ethan, now that he isn't all freaked out, is looking to place blame. He fixes on his mother as the reason for this little episode.
"I think Mommy gave me too much Oatmeal...but I feel better now"
Puke & Rally.
Ethan just threw up.
I could tell he didn't feel right. I did not expect that. He was sitting in a chair alone. I asked if he was ok. He said yes. And then he started to gag. Like whole body shaking...
Ive gone out enough to know what was coming. So I pick him up (in hindsight I realize how stupid it was to carry him facing me but what can you do...I just wanted to make the bathroom...)
We did not make it to the bathroom. As soon as I put him down he throws up. Twice. It looked staged. It was real. It looked exactly like oatmeal. Apparently, he was right when he said he thought he ate too much.
He stands in front of the toilet for a few minutes and then declares himself empty.
Summer takes this time to explain to me how she once threw up in her crib. Summer, however, uses the phrase "puked" which makes me laugh out loud. She is 3 years old.
Ethan, now that he isn't all freaked out, is looking to place blame. He fixes on his mother as the reason for this little episode.
"I think Mommy gave me too much Oatmeal...but I feel better now"
Puke & Rally.
Day 6 - Bottomless Pit
Summer asked me for popcorn. She just ate Oatmeal a little bit ago. I tell her not for breakfast. She tells me popcorn isn't breakfast is she has already eaten breakfast. I tell her its too early.
Kids and their damn quick responses.
Ethan says his tummy hurts. I ask why. He responds with his typical big smile.
"Buh-buh-buhcause I ate too much oatmeal..."
Kids and their damn quick responses.
Ethan says his tummy hurts. I ask why. He responds with his typical big smile.
"Buh-buh-buhcause I ate too much oatmeal..."
Day 6 - How Does He Do That
I am now feeding Ethan. He couldn't get the last of his oatmeal to sit on his spoon.
I realize he has an unnatural amount of boogers. Seriously, I can't figure out how he's even breathing. His right side is 95% blocked.
I'm about to go MacGyver on him and try to figure out how to get these out...I don't think a Q-Tip would fit in his nose...I hope he knows what to do.
I realize he has an unnatural amount of boogers. Seriously, I can't figure out how he's even breathing. His right side is 95% blocked.
I'm about to go MacGyver on him and try to figure out how to get these out...I don't think a Q-Tip would fit in his nose...I hope he knows what to do.
Day 6 - I Love My Job
How many of you walked in to your job this morning just amped to get down to work?
I bet it's maybe 5% of you...so like 3 readers
I am stoked right now. I walked into the three kids at a table coloring, eating breakfast and watching a show.
For whatever reason kids look hilarious in their pajamas. Owen, for instance, is growing at such a rapid pace his PJ's are getting a bit small. As in, he's got a little mid drift showing...which is cracking me up.
Yesterday, I called the house and ended up on the phone with Owen up until he decided he was done with me. However, in the process I told him we could go to Blockbuster today.
He has apparently told his coworkers of my plan. Everyone has a movie they would like.
Owen wants Spiderman. Summer wants Snow White ("da da one with da apple" she says)
Ethan needs to talk. He is now holding my face.
"Dis time...Bictor...Dis time...(I look away) Bic-tor! Dis time I want....I want...I want PABLO! Surfs Up!"
He's going for the Backyardigans.
However, the highlight for me was when Owen went to tell his mom that he loved her and said it without looking and turned to see me. I ask if that was for me. He smiles sheepishly and says it was. I laugh and say I know it was for his mom. He just walks away.
They have me figured out I think.
I bet it's maybe 5% of you...so like 3 readers
I am stoked right now. I walked into the three kids at a table coloring, eating breakfast and watching a show.
For whatever reason kids look hilarious in their pajamas. Owen, for instance, is growing at such a rapid pace his PJ's are getting a bit small. As in, he's got a little mid drift showing...which is cracking me up.
Yesterday, I called the house and ended up on the phone with Owen up until he decided he was done with me. However, in the process I told him we could go to Blockbuster today.
He has apparently told his coworkers of my plan. Everyone has a movie they would like.
Owen wants Spiderman. Summer wants Snow White ("da da one with da apple" she says)
Ethan needs to talk. He is now holding my face.
"Dis time...Bictor...Dis time...(I look away) Bic-tor! Dis time I want....I want...I want PABLO! Surfs Up!"
He's going for the Backyardigans.
However, the highlight for me was when Owen went to tell his mom that he loved her and said it without looking and turned to see me. I ask if that was for me. He smiles sheepishly and says it was. I laugh and say I know it was for his mom. He just walks away.
They have me figured out I think.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Day 5 - The Boss Comes Home Early
YES!
THE CEO HAS ARRIVED MEANING I AM NOW OFF DUTY!
I am out of here and turning back into a normal 25 year old for the duration of this weekend.
See you folks next week!
THE CEO HAS ARRIVED MEANING I AM NOW OFF DUTY!
I am out of here and turning back into a normal 25 year old for the duration of this weekend.
See you folks next week!
Day 5 - THE VERY FIRST "MANNY BOX"
So when I set up the Mr Nanny email address I wasn't sure what I would get from people...if anything at all.
For instance, I didn't expect my Stepmom to contact me through the site. She knows my number and we've been family for years so I thought she would call me like she does when she needs me to help my Dad get the Christmas decorations down...But she emailed me like Mr. Nanny isn't her stepson...
I think those are the funniest ones...the people who know my real email and use the Nanny one...
Anyways, because I've gotten enough questions I figured I should throw together the "Manny Box" where I'll answer peoples questions directly...
Without further ado...Let's get this party started!
1) "Hey Mr. Nanny, my question is who is what age?"
Hey reader! Thanks for writing! I'll answer this question because APPARENTLY you missed some of the earlier posts and rather than reading you'd like me to spoon feed the answer to you...Luckily, I love feeding people.
Owen and Ethan are twins. Each is 4. I too was surprised that twins means they are the same age. Summer is 3. Hope this answered your question!
2) "Hey Mr. Nanny! I saw how you mentioned the cheat sheet the parents gave you...What does it say about the kids personalities?"
Glad you asked! The following is verbatim.
Ethan - Doesn't like public bathrooms, will potty in a cup or bush in an emergency. Headstrong and stubborn, please stand your ground, make and explain rule or situation then walk away rather than feed his tantrum. Fav's - Backyardigans (Pablo), Little Einsteins, Imagination Movers, Tigger & Pooh, horror movies (JK...just making sure yall were paying attention).
Owen - Sensitive to being reprimanded but don't let him fool you, stand your ground. Please don't let him talk smart to you or others. Fav's - Movies (G/PG only), Spiderman, Batman, Transformers, Suite Life of Zack & Cody.
Summer - She's a typical girl - Ignore the moodiness. Doesn't like carbonated drinks - except fruit punch. Takes naps - have her go potty, kiss E&O, go in her room, read her a story, say night night. Fav's - Everything the boys like, Hannah Montana, princess anything.
3) "Mr Nanny - Love the blog! I was curious about the kids napping schedule. Why don't the boys ever seem to nap?"
Great question. The boys dont nap because otherwise they will go nuts at night and not sleep. Therefore, the goal is to tire them out and then unleash them into their beds later...
4) "Mr Nanny - Do the parents read your blog?"
Hello very astute reader. Although I touched on this in The Explanation Post I will do it again because I'm nice and have nothing really to do right now...Yes, the parents read the blog. They seem to be very proud of it. Both have been pushing it to their co-workers and friends so I assume they are OK with it. It helps that people are now heaping attention on them for their kids antics.
5) "Hey Mr. Nanny, I don't see how you could ever watch the kids and post this much. I think you might be an awful nanny but I love the stories. Can you explain the process?"
I sure can, you Compliment Machine you...I have a laptop with me and I also have started to carry a small notebook and pen so I can jot down things from time to time. Luckily, a good amount of it is just committed to memory and I'm able to throw it down whenever I get a chance. I take advantage of down times here and there to knock it out. For instance - yesterday I was gone from 1:30 to 5:30 so I didn't post. I intended to post last night however I ended up meeting the CEO out for a drink. So I posted this morning while they finished breakfast and watched some show.
And I am a very, very good nanny thank you. Where were you when I just spent an hour making Batman, Pablo, and Rapunzel masks?? People are very happy around these parts!
6) "Hello Mr Nanny. I like the blog. It is very entertaining. What kind of weird things have been emailed to you? Any date offers?"
Hey there...We're teetering on "too much personal information..." but EFF it...I haven't really seen anything too odd. One reader told me they were enjoying the blog I was writing but then told me I shouldn't cuss on my blog. I have taken this into consideration. I have heard from people I don't know and never intend to meet (not because they arent nice, mainly because they live in a different city or state)...I have actually received some light interest from a female or two which is very flattering because they don't realize what I look like....But nothing TOO crazy yet...I'm eagerly awaiting something nuts though. That's why I started doing this in the first place...
7) "Do you make a lot of money doing this?"
No. I don't...That's why I'm trying to augment my salary with this blog...Next week, I might go "NPR" style and ask for donations...
8) "Do you ever want to just unleash and smack the kids around?"
No, I'm not trying to recreate the Jackson 5 here...I like my job. Plus, even if I wanted to, Tom keeps dropping comments that make me think he's got a Nanny Cam hooked up...
9) "Do you really give them ice cream every day???"
OK. I got this question a few times. I misunderstood the parents. Apparently, its not supposed to happen everyday...So today there is not going to be Ice Cream time...Week 1 goal was to keep everyone alive...Next week I'll work on a solid diet.
10) I see a lot of references to "coworkers," your "boss," the "Family CEO," etc and I get a little bit confused. Is there a company organizational chart you could provide to help us readers visualize the setup a bit better? Love your blog! Keep it up! Sincerely, Cold In Chicago
HEY COLD IN CHICAGO! Thanks for the question and also for being witty with your name.
I would love to explain how this is set up.
CEO - Thomas the Dad
CFO - Kristin the Mom
Vice President of Operations - ME
Subordinates/Coworkers - The Kids
Thanks for your question...email again!
BONUS QUESTION) "Hi. I am drunk. I like your blog. I live in Richmond and think we would get along very nicely. Would you like to go out sometime?"
Hey oh! Sadie Hawkins style! I am flattered but you did not include a picture as I clearly explained in the Explanation Post...so as of right now I have to say NO...But the door has not closed...Unless youre a dude.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welp...for now thats all I got question wise...well worth mentioning at least...Hope you guys enjoyed it! Make sure you fire out some questions to MRNANNYBLOG@GMAIL.COM and next week we'll do it again...
Once again, I'd like to really thank each and every one of you who has been keeping up this week...I've been blown away by the comments and I couldn't say thank you enough...
I've said it once but I'll say it again - I owe it all to Ethan, Owen & Summer...
Your new best friend,
Victor
For instance, I didn't expect my Stepmom to contact me through the site. She knows my number and we've been family for years so I thought she would call me like she does when she needs me to help my Dad get the Christmas decorations down...But she emailed me like Mr. Nanny isn't her stepson...
I think those are the funniest ones...the people who know my real email and use the Nanny one...
Anyways, because I've gotten enough questions I figured I should throw together the "Manny Box" where I'll answer peoples questions directly...
Without further ado...Let's get this party started!
1) "Hey Mr. Nanny, my question is who is what age?"
Hey reader! Thanks for writing! I'll answer this question because APPARENTLY you missed some of the earlier posts and rather than reading you'd like me to spoon feed the answer to you...Luckily, I love feeding people.
Owen and Ethan are twins. Each is 4. I too was surprised that twins means they are the same age. Summer is 3. Hope this answered your question!
2) "Hey Mr. Nanny! I saw how you mentioned the cheat sheet the parents gave you...What does it say about the kids personalities?"
Glad you asked! The following is verbatim.
Ethan - Doesn't like public bathrooms, will potty in a cup or bush in an emergency. Headstrong and stubborn, please stand your ground, make and explain rule or situation then walk away rather than feed his tantrum. Fav's - Backyardigans (Pablo), Little Einsteins, Imagination Movers, Tigger & Pooh, horror movies (JK...just making sure yall were paying attention).
Owen - Sensitive to being reprimanded but don't let him fool you, stand your ground. Please don't let him talk smart to you or others. Fav's - Movies (G/PG only), Spiderman, Batman, Transformers, Suite Life of Zack & Cody.
Summer - She's a typical girl - Ignore the moodiness. Doesn't like carbonated drinks - except fruit punch. Takes naps - have her go potty, kiss E&O, go in her room, read her a story, say night night. Fav's - Everything the boys like, Hannah Montana, princess anything.
3) "Mr Nanny - Love the blog! I was curious about the kids napping schedule. Why don't the boys ever seem to nap?"
Great question. The boys dont nap because otherwise they will go nuts at night and not sleep. Therefore, the goal is to tire them out and then unleash them into their beds later...
4) "Mr Nanny - Do the parents read your blog?"
Hello very astute reader. Although I touched on this in The Explanation Post I will do it again because I'm nice and have nothing really to do right now...Yes, the parents read the blog. They seem to be very proud of it. Both have been pushing it to their co-workers and friends so I assume they are OK with it. It helps that people are now heaping attention on them for their kids antics.
5) "Hey Mr. Nanny, I don't see how you could ever watch the kids and post this much. I think you might be an awful nanny but I love the stories. Can you explain the process?"
I sure can, you Compliment Machine you...I have a laptop with me and I also have started to carry a small notebook and pen so I can jot down things from time to time. Luckily, a good amount of it is just committed to memory and I'm able to throw it down whenever I get a chance. I take advantage of down times here and there to knock it out. For instance - yesterday I was gone from 1:30 to 5:30 so I didn't post. I intended to post last night however I ended up meeting the CEO out for a drink. So I posted this morning while they finished breakfast and watched some show.
And I am a very, very good nanny thank you. Where were you when I just spent an hour making Batman, Pablo, and Rapunzel masks?? People are very happy around these parts!
6) "Hello Mr Nanny. I like the blog. It is very entertaining. What kind of weird things have been emailed to you? Any date offers?"
Hey there...We're teetering on "too much personal information..." but EFF it...I haven't really seen anything too odd. One reader told me they were enjoying the blog I was writing but then told me I shouldn't cuss on my blog. I have taken this into consideration. I have heard from people I don't know and never intend to meet (not because they arent nice, mainly because they live in a different city or state)...I have actually received some light interest from a female or two which is very flattering because they don't realize what I look like....But nothing TOO crazy yet...I'm eagerly awaiting something nuts though. That's why I started doing this in the first place...
7) "Do you make a lot of money doing this?"
No. I don't...That's why I'm trying to augment my salary with this blog...Next week, I might go "NPR" style and ask for donations...
8) "Do you ever want to just unleash and smack the kids around?"
No, I'm not trying to recreate the Jackson 5 here...I like my job. Plus, even if I wanted to, Tom keeps dropping comments that make me think he's got a Nanny Cam hooked up...
9) "Do you really give them ice cream every day???"
OK. I got this question a few times. I misunderstood the parents. Apparently, its not supposed to happen everyday...So today there is not going to be Ice Cream time...Week 1 goal was to keep everyone alive...Next week I'll work on a solid diet.
10) I see a lot of references to "coworkers," your "boss," the "Family CEO," etc and I get a little bit confused. Is there a company organizational chart you could provide to help us readers visualize the setup a bit better? Love your blog! Keep it up! Sincerely, Cold In Chicago
HEY COLD IN CHICAGO! Thanks for the question and also for being witty with your name.
I would love to explain how this is set up.
CEO - Thomas the Dad
CFO - Kristin the Mom
Vice President of Operations - ME
Subordinates/Coworkers - The Kids
Thanks for your question...email again!
BONUS QUESTION) "Hi. I am drunk. I like your blog. I live in Richmond and think we would get along very nicely. Would you like to go out sometime?"
Hey oh! Sadie Hawkins style! I am flattered but you did not include a picture as I clearly explained in the Explanation Post...so as of right now I have to say NO...But the door has not closed...Unless youre a dude.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welp...for now thats all I got question wise...well worth mentioning at least...Hope you guys enjoyed it! Make sure you fire out some questions to MRNANNYBLOG@GMAIL.COM and next week we'll do it again...
Once again, I'd like to really thank each and every one of you who has been keeping up this week...I've been blown away by the comments and I couldn't say thank you enough...
I've said it once but I'll say it again - I owe it all to Ethan, Owen & Summer...
Your new best friend,
Victor
Day 5 - Summer Wants Proof
Summer said she had to pee.
I ask if she wants privacy. She says yes.
I call out to ask if she needs help. She says she needs help.
I ask what she needs. She says her pee turned into a poop.
I say "Word up..."
She asks me what poop looks like. I laugh and tell her she can look when shes finished.
She looks and tells me that sometimes it can be green.
I ask if she wants privacy. She says yes.
I call out to ask if she needs help. She says she needs help.
I ask what she needs. She says her pee turned into a poop.
I say "Word up..."
She asks me what poop looks like. I laugh and tell her she can look when shes finished.
She looks and tells me that sometimes it can be green.
Day 5 - The Day Ethan's Behavior Gets Victor a Lecture
We go to pick up Ethan from his exercise session. As Summer, Owen and I walk up I see Tawanda poke her head out of a different door and tell me to come in there.
Immediate thought: "Uh Oh"
We walk in this other door and two women are waiting to talk to me. Tawanda is not one of them.
I'm not happy because Tawanda is a very pleasant lady. I am now fully aware that they have sent in the Bad Cop/Bad Cop team.
Ethan is ecstatic to see us all and he throws down a round of hugs. These women are giving me the eye...and not the "hey come talk to me" eye...its the "Ive got something to say why don't you listen up" eye...I hate this eye.
The smallest chick tells me Ethan was extremely sassy today. Sassy always makes me laugh because I think of him saying things like "Oh no you didnt" and other funny comments I picked up from watching BET at night.
They go on. I realize this wasn't a "haha he was sassy" its "Hey we're telling you this so you'll go tell his parents and hopefully this will not happen again."
They do not know about my blog. I shift into "half listening/half taking mental notes for blog" mode.
She proceeds to tell me this is the sassiest he has ever been. This makes me laugh. Again, sassy is a funny word.
However, not knowing what I'm supposed to do about this I figure I should at least act like I care about what this lady has told me. So I go down to Ethan's level and we have the following discussion:
Me - "Hey man, were you sassy today?"
Ethan - With a huge smile "Nooooooo"
Ladies - "ohhhhh really"
Me - "Peanut Gallery - shut it. I'm trying to handle this. Don't make me get sassy on yall."
Me (now to Ethan) - "These ladies who I dont know said you were bad...Why'd they say that?"
Ethan - "I dunnooo"
Me - "Well, you did something...What happened?"
Ethan - "Nooothin...Can we go get a slurpee"
Me - "I dunno now man, you just got in trouble. And now I'm in trouble. Remember, slurpees are for when you guys are good"
Owen (to Summer) - "I dont think we're gettin slurpees today Summa"
Eventually, Ethan admits that he was a little bit sassy. I tell him to give these two ladies a hug and say he's sorry. He does. They're now cool.
Ethan will have no trouble with the ladies when he gets older...
We leave. Everyone wants to know the status of the Slurpee trip. I explain that from now on slurpees will only happen if EVERYONE IS GOOD.
However, because I have already opened Pandora's box, I have to deliver and so I say OK...With the one caveat that I cannot promise what flavors will be available and if anyone cries inside 7-11 or gets upset with me we're out of there. I say I need them to help me and ask if everyone understands...
Owen - "Yeah (to his siblings) we need to help Bictor because he's trying hard to babysit us"
This comment has just made me so stoked...I don't know if he's playing me or not but I dont care. I soak up the recognition. I think I opened the sunroof so I could pump my fist properly.
7-11 is remarkably tame. We make our selections
Summer choose Babana.
Ethan gets a blue drink that I am terrified of because the label said something about Mountain Dew...
Owen settles on the Peach Mango...He's very cultured
We are now home. They have all tried Summer's babana...They all would like Babana in the future.
Kids have some gross taste buds.
Immediate thought: "Uh Oh"
We walk in this other door and two women are waiting to talk to me. Tawanda is not one of them.
I'm not happy because Tawanda is a very pleasant lady. I am now fully aware that they have sent in the Bad Cop/Bad Cop team.
Ethan is ecstatic to see us all and he throws down a round of hugs. These women are giving me the eye...and not the "hey come talk to me" eye...its the "Ive got something to say why don't you listen up" eye...I hate this eye.
The smallest chick tells me Ethan was extremely sassy today. Sassy always makes me laugh because I think of him saying things like "Oh no you didnt" and other funny comments I picked up from watching BET at night.
They go on. I realize this wasn't a "haha he was sassy" its "Hey we're telling you this so you'll go tell his parents and hopefully this will not happen again."
They do not know about my blog. I shift into "half listening/half taking mental notes for blog" mode.
She proceeds to tell me this is the sassiest he has ever been. This makes me laugh. Again, sassy is a funny word.
However, not knowing what I'm supposed to do about this I figure I should at least act like I care about what this lady has told me. So I go down to Ethan's level and we have the following discussion:
Me - "Hey man, were you sassy today?"
Ethan - With a huge smile "Nooooooo"
Ladies - "ohhhhh really"
Me - "Peanut Gallery - shut it. I'm trying to handle this. Don't make me get sassy on yall."
Me (now to Ethan) - "These ladies who I dont know said you were bad...Why'd they say that?"
Ethan - "I dunnooo"
Me - "Well, you did something...What happened?"
Ethan - "Nooothin...Can we go get a slurpee"
Me - "I dunno now man, you just got in trouble. And now I'm in trouble. Remember, slurpees are for when you guys are good"
Owen (to Summer) - "I dont think we're gettin slurpees today Summa"
Eventually, Ethan admits that he was a little bit sassy. I tell him to give these two ladies a hug and say he's sorry. He does. They're now cool.
Ethan will have no trouble with the ladies when he gets older...
We leave. Everyone wants to know the status of the Slurpee trip. I explain that from now on slurpees will only happen if EVERYONE IS GOOD.
However, because I have already opened Pandora's box, I have to deliver and so I say OK...With the one caveat that I cannot promise what flavors will be available and if anyone cries inside 7-11 or gets upset with me we're out of there. I say I need them to help me and ask if everyone understands...
Owen - "Yeah (to his siblings) we need to help Bictor because he's trying hard to babysit us"
This comment has just made me so stoked...I don't know if he's playing me or not but I dont care. I soak up the recognition. I think I opened the sunroof so I could pump my fist properly.
7-11 is remarkably tame. We make our selections
Summer choose Babana.
Ethan gets a blue drink that I am terrified of because the label said something about Mountain Dew...
Owen settles on the Peach Mango...He's very cultured
We are now home. They have all tried Summer's babana...They all would like Babana in the future.
Kids have some gross taste buds.
Day 5 - Summer is happy
There is nothing better, I have decided, than having Summer be happy.
The boys are pretty here and there...when theyre mad its ok because its fleeting.
When Summer is pissed its like having a real woman mad at you. She's pouting and mean. She says hurtful things like "I don't like your face" and if looks could kill this blog would be a remembrance page by now...
So having her walking around singing to herself is AMAZING.
I've found that, just like real full grown women, this "state of joy" is usually the direct result of me giving her something of value. Today it was Cheez-Its.
And being the shameless male that I am...I don't really care what makes her like me so long as she does...Who needs "love" anyways...its 2009 people.
The boys are pretty here and there...when theyre mad its ok because its fleeting.
When Summer is pissed its like having a real woman mad at you. She's pouting and mean. She says hurtful things like "I don't like your face" and if looks could kill this blog would be a remembrance page by now...
So having her walking around singing to herself is AMAZING.
I've found that, just like real full grown women, this "state of joy" is usually the direct result of me giving her something of value. Today it was Cheez-Its.
And being the shameless male that I am...I don't really care what makes her like me so long as she does...Who needs "love" anyways...its 2009 people.
Day 5 - The Trip
We had to take Ethan to a play date sort of thing. He's going to kick it for a couple hours with his girls Lauren and Tawanda.
En route he wants the hot air and Gare-wet's music.
My uncle emailed me to suggest I ask a question...so I do:
"Hey guys...are angels boys or girls?"
Summer thinks they are girls. Owen thinks they are both boys and girls at the same time. This concerns me. Ethan thinks they are blue like his favorite Backyardigan, Pablo...
Owen continues explaining how he thinks they might be hermaphrodites. Summer begins to say they are pink.
Ethan freaks out
"Everybuddy be QUIET...I cant hear Gare-wet!"
Everyone settles down.
On the ride back Owen finds the Gare-wet song he likes. So Garrett (and everyone else in Gill) here are the songs they prefer:
Ethan: "4 Letter Words" (no worries...they dont actually use 4 letter words in the song)
Owen: "Jamaica" (This is an acoustic song...Owen likes the stripped down sound)
Summer: "I don't like Gare-wet's music"
DAGGER!
En route he wants the hot air and Gare-wet's music.
My uncle emailed me to suggest I ask a question...so I do:
"Hey guys...are angels boys or girls?"
Summer thinks they are girls. Owen thinks they are both boys and girls at the same time. This concerns me. Ethan thinks they are blue like his favorite Backyardigan, Pablo...
Owen continues explaining how he thinks they might be hermaphrodites. Summer begins to say they are pink.
Ethan freaks out
"Everybuddy be QUIET...I cant hear Gare-wet!"
Everyone settles down.
On the ride back Owen finds the Gare-wet song he likes. So Garrett (and everyone else in Gill) here are the songs they prefer:
Ethan: "4 Letter Words" (no worries...they dont actually use 4 letter words in the song)
Owen: "Jamaica" (This is an acoustic song...Owen likes the stripped down sound)
Summer: "I don't like Gare-wet's music"
DAGGER!
Day 5 - Leaving Later Than Expected
Summer had to pee.
I put her on the toilet.
She says she would like privacy.
Such a lady...and she wiped and put her pants back on by herself
FANTASTIC! They're starting to do my job for me...
I put her on the toilet.
She says she would like privacy.
Such a lady...and she wiped and put her pants back on by herself
FANTASTIC! They're starting to do my job for me...
Day 5 - The Dirty Faces
Me - "Alright guys come here so I can wipe your faces...yall got junk all over them"
Owen - "Why?"
Me - "because you look dirty and people will blame me."
Ethan - "It's from the yummy donuts we ate!"
(I didnt give them donuts...the parents did)
Everyone is clean. We're off to run an errand.
Owen - "Why?"
Me - "because you look dirty and people will blame me."
Ethan - "It's from the yummy donuts we ate!"
(I didnt give them donuts...the parents did)
Everyone is clean. We're off to run an errand.
Day 5 - Something To Share
I won't make a habit of posting links to other stories and such but this one resonated and its one of those things people should see...
It's really not that hard to do the right thing sometimes...
http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=914609
It's really not that hard to do the right thing sometimes...
http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=914609
Day 5 - The Epic Hospital Story From Yesterday
I don't even know where to start.
I'm still recovering. What I was expecting to be just a moment of our day somehow spiraled out of control and took up our whole Thursday.
[ Before I dive in any deeper I'd like to mention how I went and met the family CEO out last night (Tommy Sunshine)...He was with some of his coworkers (who are WAY older than my coworkers...) Anyways, the reason I bring this up is because a few people came up to me and commented on the blog so I just want them to feel special and warm all over today. OK now that I'm done kissing up to readers let me continue... ]
Tom came home with McDonald's - for those of you passing judgement on the diet these kids are on...Back off ok...They don't even eat the food. In the course of this week we have done McD's twice and in each instance Summer has eaten, at most, 2 of her 4 nuggets...Ethan doesn't even eat his cheeseburger...He just rips the bread off the top and eats that. Owen eats it all which explains why I noticed he's a good 3 inches taller than Ethan yesterday. Between the milk and the McDonald's he should be a giant one day.
Its around this point we all pile into the van and head to a well known Hospital in the area. No one was hurt. Ethan had an appointment. I expect this to be short.
Apparently, in the parental car, Garrett's music is not requested.
Tom and I discuss in great detail why Tracy McGrady is the softest NBA superstar currently playing.
My coworkers have passed out.
I should mention that I realize during the ride that these kids can sleep with their eyes half open. Seriously. I remember being freaked out as a kid when I would sleep over at Tom's house and he and his brother Joe would sleep with their eyes open...I would wake up and sit there thinking they were watching me. They were not. The kids do the SAME THING. It's unnerving to say the least.
So we arrive. I have found one thing to be true and I don't feel bad saying it - I do NOT like when the parents are around. The kids have these meltdowns over things they brush off when the parents have gone. Seriously, I love the parents but I cant handle this dynamic...The kids go from working with me to just hating me. It feels very emasculating - even more so than being a 25 year old male nanny.
I have decided all three kids have a future in drama if they want because each one has put on Oscar worthy performances this week.
From here on out I will try and patch together, from memory (I left my notes at home...) the events of the day.
Hour 1
- Tom turns and cuts off a group of old people walking by the hospital. One member of the pack yells at us. We laugh. Just because you're old doesn't mean you can jaywalk, sir.
- I watch a lady with no teeth walk by and a guy with long dreads and the biggest stick I have ever seen in an urban setting. Stick doesn't do this guys walking apparatus justice. It was gigantic. He is also wearing a Sean John jacket. I think I'm going to like this hospital.
- I do not like this hospital. People are piled up all over. No one is clean.
- Ethan sees a heavier old man with a robust white beard and overalls. I hear him greet this man:
"Hey Santa!"
- We ride the elevator. This is good. People join us on floor 2. The kids keep laughing as it moves. More people join on floor 3. The 5 of us are now stuffed into a corner. Ethan panics.
"How aw we gonna get outta here??"
Everyone in the elevator laughs. Ethan realizes he is the cause and soaks it up with his patented "Hello ladies..." smile...
He is now looking up to try and see the adults and sees the reflection on the elevators ceiling. He points out all the other people. More laughter. People get off and he says goodbye.
I will put money down, right now, that he will end up his high school class president.
- We reach our destination. It is an empty waiting room. I pick up a Mens Journal...from 2007. Thanks for keeping your subscriptions fresh folks...
- I am now reading "The Treasure" by Uri Shulevitz...Look, what I say now falls under the "I'm starting to realize stereotypes are established when you don't even know it"...This book was about a guy named Isaac...Who had a dream about money...So he walked through forests and over mountains to chase this dream...He reaches his destination and stakes out the area where he believes the "treasure" is...However, the area is guarded day and night...Finally one of the guards ask what he is doing lurking around and Isaac explains. The guard laughs and tells him if he followed his dreams he would go to Isaac's house and dig up his stove and find a treasure. So Isaac returns home and does this and finds the treasure.
Now, this was a nice story and the kids enjoyed it...BUT here's my gripe...
This was a book written by a Jewish guy about a Jewish guy who has a dream about money and walks cross country to find it...
Am I the ONLY one who finds this to be odd...where does this end?
Don't worry, it doesn't...because as I express my concern about the author to Tom he tells me about the kids book they got from our grandmother - who is Cuban.
This is a book about a Hispanic grandmother who visits various relatives...one works in a factory...one sells oranges...one is a maid...
DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE HOW THIS COULD BE BAD? Call me crazy for thinking kids books should be idealistic and hopeful and used to crush stereotypes...
So anyways, after I remove myself from the soapbox I stumbled onto in this waiting room...
We are STILL WAITING. It has been 1 hour.
They send Tom and Ethan elsewhere. Summer is reduced to a crying, slobbering, snotty mess. She hates me right now. Meanwhile, Owen has been cool...but now he loses it.
Cool Tom thanks for making us come!!! Don't mind me, I'll hang back with these two in an empty waiting room with my old magazines. I'm positively stoked.
ONE HOUR LATER...we are still there.
I am now furious with this doctor and contemplate causing a ruckus...I change my mind as I don't want to end up in a City of Richmond jail.
Tom finally returns. Apparently, he is just as frustrated as I am. Ethan has not been seen yet.
We continue to sit and discuss how absurd this is just loud enough for the receptionists to hear us. Ladies, don't let our misery shake your Spider Solitaire concentration.
Finally, some lady comes and gets Ethan and Tom. Owen asks me why I am no longer happy. I explain that we have been inside that room for the last 2.5 hours and I want to jump out the window. Owen thinks this would be a bad idea because its a long drop and people are below.
Sarcasm will be taught next week...
Long story long, we finish up and Tom and I haul a$ out of there...Both of us just huffing and puffing. The kids are all breaking down. During the course of this ride everyone has cried. Including yours truly.
Today was the most trying day yet...
Note: If anyone at a doctors office reads this let me just say that my mom is a hairstylist (she does a lovely job if you are currently unhappy with your stylist by the way)...My mom doesn't take appointments and then go on house calls coldly making you wait in the lobby area reading the Paul Mitchell styling book from 1987. I realize doctors went to school for something like 11 years of their life but that doesn't mean you outta treat your customers like crap. Jeez. At least equip the waiting room with some decent stuff...I can only imagine prisons have better accommodations...
I'm still recovering. What I was expecting to be just a moment of our day somehow spiraled out of control and took up our whole Thursday.
[ Before I dive in any deeper I'd like to mention how I went and met the family CEO out last night (Tommy Sunshine)...He was with some of his coworkers (who are WAY older than my coworkers...) Anyways, the reason I bring this up is because a few people came up to me and commented on the blog so I just want them to feel special and warm all over today. OK now that I'm done kissing up to readers let me continue... ]
Tom came home with McDonald's - for those of you passing judgement on the diet these kids are on...Back off ok...They don't even eat the food. In the course of this week we have done McD's twice and in each instance Summer has eaten, at most, 2 of her 4 nuggets...Ethan doesn't even eat his cheeseburger...He just rips the bread off the top and eats that. Owen eats it all which explains why I noticed he's a good 3 inches taller than Ethan yesterday. Between the milk and the McDonald's he should be a giant one day.
Its around this point we all pile into the van and head to a well known Hospital in the area. No one was hurt. Ethan had an appointment. I expect this to be short.
Apparently, in the parental car, Garrett's music is not requested.
Tom and I discuss in great detail why Tracy McGrady is the softest NBA superstar currently playing.
My coworkers have passed out.
I should mention that I realize during the ride that these kids can sleep with their eyes half open. Seriously. I remember being freaked out as a kid when I would sleep over at Tom's house and he and his brother Joe would sleep with their eyes open...I would wake up and sit there thinking they were watching me. They were not. The kids do the SAME THING. It's unnerving to say the least.
So we arrive. I have found one thing to be true and I don't feel bad saying it - I do NOT like when the parents are around. The kids have these meltdowns over things they brush off when the parents have gone. Seriously, I love the parents but I cant handle this dynamic...The kids go from working with me to just hating me. It feels very emasculating - even more so than being a 25 year old male nanny.
I have decided all three kids have a future in drama if they want because each one has put on Oscar worthy performances this week.
From here on out I will try and patch together, from memory (I left my notes at home...) the events of the day.
Hour 1
- Tom turns and cuts off a group of old people walking by the hospital. One member of the pack yells at us. We laugh. Just because you're old doesn't mean you can jaywalk, sir.
- I watch a lady with no teeth walk by and a guy with long dreads and the biggest stick I have ever seen in an urban setting. Stick doesn't do this guys walking apparatus justice. It was gigantic. He is also wearing a Sean John jacket. I think I'm going to like this hospital.
- I do not like this hospital. People are piled up all over. No one is clean.
- Ethan sees a heavier old man with a robust white beard and overalls. I hear him greet this man:
"Hey Santa!"
- We ride the elevator. This is good. People join us on floor 2. The kids keep laughing as it moves. More people join on floor 3. The 5 of us are now stuffed into a corner. Ethan panics.
"How aw we gonna get outta here??"
Everyone in the elevator laughs. Ethan realizes he is the cause and soaks it up with his patented "Hello ladies..." smile...
He is now looking up to try and see the adults and sees the reflection on the elevators ceiling. He points out all the other people. More laughter. People get off and he says goodbye.
I will put money down, right now, that he will end up his high school class president.
- We reach our destination. It is an empty waiting room. I pick up a Mens Journal...from 2007. Thanks for keeping your subscriptions fresh folks...
- I am now reading "The Treasure" by Uri Shulevitz...Look, what I say now falls under the "I'm starting to realize stereotypes are established when you don't even know it"...This book was about a guy named Isaac...Who had a dream about money...So he walked through forests and over mountains to chase this dream...He reaches his destination and stakes out the area where he believes the "treasure" is...However, the area is guarded day and night...Finally one of the guards ask what he is doing lurking around and Isaac explains. The guard laughs and tells him if he followed his dreams he would go to Isaac's house and dig up his stove and find a treasure. So Isaac returns home and does this and finds the treasure.
Now, this was a nice story and the kids enjoyed it...BUT here's my gripe...
This was a book written by a Jewish guy about a Jewish guy who has a dream about money and walks cross country to find it...
Am I the ONLY one who finds this to be odd...where does this end?
Don't worry, it doesn't...because as I express my concern about the author to Tom he tells me about the kids book they got from our grandmother - who is Cuban.
This is a book about a Hispanic grandmother who visits various relatives...one works in a factory...one sells oranges...one is a maid...
DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE HOW THIS COULD BE BAD? Call me crazy for thinking kids books should be idealistic and hopeful and used to crush stereotypes...
So anyways, after I remove myself from the soapbox I stumbled onto in this waiting room...
We are STILL WAITING. It has been 1 hour.
They send Tom and Ethan elsewhere. Summer is reduced to a crying, slobbering, snotty mess. She hates me right now. Meanwhile, Owen has been cool...but now he loses it.
Cool Tom thanks for making us come!!! Don't mind me, I'll hang back with these two in an empty waiting room with my old magazines. I'm positively stoked.
ONE HOUR LATER...we are still there.
I am now furious with this doctor and contemplate causing a ruckus...I change my mind as I don't want to end up in a City of Richmond jail.
Tom finally returns. Apparently, he is just as frustrated as I am. Ethan has not been seen yet.
We continue to sit and discuss how absurd this is just loud enough for the receptionists to hear us. Ladies, don't let our misery shake your Spider Solitaire concentration.
Finally, some lady comes and gets Ethan and Tom. Owen asks me why I am no longer happy. I explain that we have been inside that room for the last 2.5 hours and I want to jump out the window. Owen thinks this would be a bad idea because its a long drop and people are below.
Sarcasm will be taught next week...
Long story long, we finish up and Tom and I haul a$ out of there...Both of us just huffing and puffing. The kids are all breaking down. During the course of this ride everyone has cried. Including yours truly.
Today was the most trying day yet...
Note: If anyone at a doctors office reads this let me just say that my mom is a hairstylist (she does a lovely job if you are currently unhappy with your stylist by the way)...My mom doesn't take appointments and then go on house calls coldly making you wait in the lobby area reading the Paul Mitchell styling book from 1987. I realize doctors went to school for something like 11 years of their life but that doesn't mean you outta treat your customers like crap. Jeez. At least equip the waiting room with some decent stuff...I can only imagine prisons have better accommodations...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Day 4 - The Trip Back From School
I'm early. Like 15 minutes early. By accident. Oh well the kids are all en route to the bullpen area where the teachers stuff them to wait for their parents...
Ethan's teacher tells me he has to go "poo poo" and then Ethan loudly tells me this himself. I am 15 minutes early so my mentality is the parents have paid this woman to handle the bowel movements of their children until 12pm. Ethan asks me to drive very fast. I ask him if there is a bathroom in the building. He says yes and the teacher does the right thing and takes him.
Victor: 1 Mrs. TeacherLady: 0
The ride back features a new lineup. We have Ethan behind me, Summer riding in the middle, and Owen on the other side. Summer is very happy ever since she made her clown at school. Whew.
Ethan is obsessed with two things in my car: Garrett's Music and rolling the windows down. We have agreed to provide both things today. His smile is enormous. I also keep seeing a tiny hand in my side mirror...the first time it really freaked me out.
I have the sunroof open and this creates a bunch of wind.
Hair is going everywhere.
Ethan yells "Oh BABY! It's windy!"
God this kid cracks me up...
During the course of the ride my coworkers and I discuss what set list they would like Garrett to perform - whenever he performs for said coworkers...Apparently, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" would be well received. I say this is unlikely. They are cool with it...they just want to see him play the guitar.
Once home all three kids have to pee...There was a line in the bathroom like we're at a NASCAR race...Just white bare butts left and right...This is hilarious to me.
Oh good. Tom is here with our lunch. Ethan has a doctor's appointment shortly...
This could be a great story...I shall return.
Ethan's teacher tells me he has to go "poo poo" and then Ethan loudly tells me this himself. I am 15 minutes early so my mentality is the parents have paid this woman to handle the bowel movements of their children until 12pm. Ethan asks me to drive very fast. I ask him if there is a bathroom in the building. He says yes and the teacher does the right thing and takes him.
Victor: 1 Mrs. TeacherLady: 0
The ride back features a new lineup. We have Ethan behind me, Summer riding in the middle, and Owen on the other side. Summer is very happy ever since she made her clown at school. Whew.
Ethan is obsessed with two things in my car: Garrett's Music and rolling the windows down. We have agreed to provide both things today. His smile is enormous. I also keep seeing a tiny hand in my side mirror...the first time it really freaked me out.
I have the sunroof open and this creates a bunch of wind.
Hair is going everywhere.
Ethan yells "Oh BABY! It's windy!"
God this kid cracks me up...
During the course of the ride my coworkers and I discuss what set list they would like Garrett to perform - whenever he performs for said coworkers...Apparently, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" would be well received. I say this is unlikely. They are cool with it...they just want to see him play the guitar.
Once home all three kids have to pee...There was a line in the bathroom like we're at a NASCAR race...Just white bare butts left and right...This is hilarious to me.
Oh good. Tom is here with our lunch. Ethan has a doctor's appointment shortly...
This could be a great story...I shall return.
Day 4 - Change of Heart
OK...So I posted some photos and while those were great and the kids are cute...I didn't feel altogether comfortable about it.
I felt a little seedy becase ultimately my job isn't this blog, my job is to watch these kids...
So while I would love to try and focus on entertaining you folks I have to keep the kids safety in mind...As a dreamer, I'm hoping this blog will explode and heap upon me fame and fortune.
But I'm not trying to rennact the Lindbergh Kidnapping (times 3)...
As such, no more face photos.
Sorry folks...I got a job to do.
I felt a little seedy becase ultimately my job isn't this blog, my job is to watch these kids...
So while I would love to try and focus on entertaining you folks I have to keep the kids safety in mind...As a dreamer, I'm hoping this blog will explode and heap upon me fame and fortune.
But I'm not trying to rennact the Lindbergh Kidnapping (times 3)...
As such, no more face photos.
Sorry folks...I got a job to do.
Day 4 - The Coke Zero Box
Wow. Lively start.
Summer is in tatters right now...just a broken child...she looks more depressing than those "For the cost of 1 cup of coffee a day" kids...
Ethan is fine. He's watching Backyardigans and asked me to sit and watch with him. While we watch he grips my right hand. Over and over.
Owen is off doing whatever it is 4 year olds who are self-sufficient do...Last time I checked he was reading the paper and smoking a cigarette.
Joke.
Anyways, Tom ("Dad") is here so we're talking about what I did last night (because I am 25 and normal, I do things at night...like rip my door handle off)...Then we start getting the kids ready for school.
Today is Pajama Day by the way so this whole "getting them ready" thing didn't really entail anything more than shoes and sweatshirts.
Before I delve any deeper into this story let me explain something about the two boys...Of the two I would describe Owen as more likely to pursue a career in athletics or bounty hunting. Ethan is most likely heading towards politician or game show host due to his love of saying hello to people in public. This is just how it is.
It was around this time that Ethan, who is very mild mannered and not at all aggressive like Owen, picks up an empty Coke Zero box and slaps Owen in the face with it. I mean he slapped the sh*t out of Owen with this box.
Tom and I spring into the same "Whoa what the?" reaction because it was really this fast. It looked like Ethan had been plotting it for days. Have you ever seen a prison movie where you know someone is going to get a shank to the gut but they don't know it so when it happens its all sudden and such? Imagine that only replace inmates with kids.
Although we both reprimanded Ethan (and both audibly laughed initially) and asked Owen if he was OK (he was unfazed...so thats cool) I believe Tom and I were both taken aback by Ethan's remorse. It was as if he blacked out...like he had this box and his immediate reaction was to smack his brother in the face with it.
Then he realized what he had done. The next 2 minutes were spent with Ethan holding Owen's head saying "Saw-wee Owen...Saw-wee" until Tom told him that we all got the picture.
The trip to school was fairly uneventful. Windows went down. Windows went up. Summer was adamant that she did not want to hear Garrett this morning. Ethan did. We compromised so on the ride back Ethan gets Garrett Music. He also has to ride in the middle. We're learning to take the good with the bad.
Anyways...that's all I got right now.
Oh and good news I think I figured out how to work my camera so I might have something to post later...Stay Tuned...
Summer is in tatters right now...just a broken child...she looks more depressing than those "For the cost of 1 cup of coffee a day" kids...
Ethan is fine. He's watching Backyardigans and asked me to sit and watch with him. While we watch he grips my right hand. Over and over.
Owen is off doing whatever it is 4 year olds who are self-sufficient do...Last time I checked he was reading the paper and smoking a cigarette.
Joke.
Anyways, Tom ("Dad") is here so we're talking about what I did last night (because I am 25 and normal, I do things at night...like rip my door handle off)...Then we start getting the kids ready for school.
Today is Pajama Day by the way so this whole "getting them ready" thing didn't really entail anything more than shoes and sweatshirts.
Before I delve any deeper into this story let me explain something about the two boys...Of the two I would describe Owen as more likely to pursue a career in athletics or bounty hunting. Ethan is most likely heading towards politician or game show host due to his love of saying hello to people in public. This is just how it is.
It was around this time that Ethan, who is very mild mannered and not at all aggressive like Owen, picks up an empty Coke Zero box and slaps Owen in the face with it. I mean he slapped the sh*t out of Owen with this box.
Tom and I spring into the same "Whoa what the?" reaction because it was really this fast. It looked like Ethan had been plotting it for days. Have you ever seen a prison movie where you know someone is going to get a shank to the gut but they don't know it so when it happens its all sudden and such? Imagine that only replace inmates with kids.
Although we both reprimanded Ethan (and both audibly laughed initially) and asked Owen if he was OK (he was unfazed...so thats cool) I believe Tom and I were both taken aback by Ethan's remorse. It was as if he blacked out...like he had this box and his immediate reaction was to smack his brother in the face with it.
Then he realized what he had done. The next 2 minutes were spent with Ethan holding Owen's head saying "Saw-wee Owen...Saw-wee" until Tom told him that we all got the picture.
The trip to school was fairly uneventful. Windows went down. Windows went up. Summer was adamant that she did not want to hear Garrett this morning. Ethan did. We compromised so on the ride back Ethan gets Garrett Music. He also has to ride in the middle. We're learning to take the good with the bad.
Anyways...that's all I got right now.
Oh and good news I think I figured out how to work my camera so I might have something to post later...Stay Tuned...
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Day 4 - Awesome Start
Hey there...Me again.
Remember when I mentioned how I drive a 4 door sedan...which makes getting the kids into and out of the vehicle a huge pain?
Well, I've added a degree of difficulty because after 3 days I was getting bored.
Last night, on a whim, I ripped the drivers side door handle off my car.
I'm not kidding. My door handle is gone.
This sucks. I'm now the nanny who has to crawl through his passenger side to open his door.
(The Good news? Yesterday afternoon I put that hit counter up and we're already at 420+ visitors to the site....So thank you guys...We've already surpassed my expectations by leaps and bounds...Seriously, I can't say thank you enough)
Remember when I mentioned how I drive a 4 door sedan...which makes getting the kids into and out of the vehicle a huge pain?
Well, I've added a degree of difficulty because after 3 days I was getting bored.
Last night, on a whim, I ripped the drivers side door handle off my car.
I'm not kidding. My door handle is gone.
This sucks. I'm now the nanny who has to crawl through his passenger side to open his door.
(The Good news? Yesterday afternoon I put that hit counter up and we're already at 420+ visitors to the site....So thank you guys...We've already surpassed my expectations by leaps and bounds...Seriously, I can't say thank you enough)
Day 3 - All Is Well
Ethan has his Chocolate Ice Cream ("No banella right, Bictor")
Owen has his Mint Chocolate Chip/Chocolate Ice Cream and is in a Thomas the Train/Dairy trance.
Summer is drawing.
I'm dancing inside because it's 4:50 and I can see the finish line...
Owen has his Mint Chocolate Chip/Chocolate Ice Cream and is in a Thomas the Train/Dairy trance.
Summer is drawing.
I'm dancing inside because it's 4:50 and I can see the finish line...
Day 3 - The First Full Meltdown
Summer has broken first.
Ethan and Owen, for some reason, choose to get most rambunctious everyday right when I put Summer down. It's like their cruel little joke.
I beg them to be quiet.
They tell me their Mom doesn't make them be quiet because Summer is upstairs.
Guess what? New rules when Mom isn't home because for the last 20 minutes I've had a sobbing, snotting, sniffling little girl clinging to my left shoulder...
Nothing makes her happy. NOTHING.
These two have gotten the best of me today...but tomorrow is a clean slate...
Ethan and Owen, for some reason, choose to get most rambunctious everyday right when I put Summer down. It's like their cruel little joke.
I beg them to be quiet.
They tell me their Mom doesn't make them be quiet because Summer is upstairs.
Guess what? New rules when Mom isn't home because for the last 20 minutes I've had a sobbing, snotting, sniffling little girl clinging to my left shoulder...
Nothing makes her happy. NOTHING.
These two have gotten the best of me today...but tomorrow is a clean slate...
EMAIL ME
Hey Folks...
So I've gotten a decent amount of feedback in the short time I've been writing this (we haven't even knocked out three days yet...) and, because of this, I've gotten some questions.
Rather than respond via Facebook, if you have any questions about the blog or me please feel free to fire an email over to:
MRNANNYBLOG@GMAIL.COM
If your question has to do with the kids then feel free to ask but I make no promises...As it stands, I'm afraid I'm over-exposing them enough...
And if enough people have questions that I can answer in an entertaining way, I may throw them together into one big post...Maybe a Friday Mail Bag type of thing.
Chances are noone will email but I figured I'd set it up anyways...
Lastly, THANK YOU if you've come by to read my nonsense. Like I've already said - I owe all of this to the kids.
- Victor
So I've gotten a decent amount of feedback in the short time I've been writing this (we haven't even knocked out three days yet...) and, because of this, I've gotten some questions.
Rather than respond via Facebook, if you have any questions about the blog or me please feel free to fire an email over to:
MRNANNYBLOG@GMAIL.COM
If your question has to do with the kids then feel free to ask but I make no promises...As it stands, I'm afraid I'm over-exposing them enough...
And if enough people have questions that I can answer in an entertaining way, I may throw them together into one big post...Maybe a Friday Mail Bag type of thing.
Chances are noone will email but I figured I'd set it up anyways...
Lastly, THANK YOU if you've come by to read my nonsense. Like I've already said - I owe all of this to the kids.
- Victor
Day 3 - Snow White Part 2
The boys wanted me to read them Snow White. So I did.
When I read stories to Summer I don't read the whole thing...or haven't...because she starts to nod out and I just tell her we'll finish tomorrow.
I just read the whole story to Ethan and Owen...and was alarmed to see Grumpy say the following:
"Women are poison"
Again, I ask, who is writing this stuff? You want to know why some guys treat women poorly and expect them to do house work?
Go read the stories you read them when they were little. See, my parents didn't read these stories...They made stories up or sang us songs about cockroaches in Spanish. Hence, I think cockroaches are poison, not women.
In your face stereotype about Hispanic men...
When I read stories to Summer I don't read the whole thing...or haven't...because she starts to nod out and I just tell her we'll finish tomorrow.
I just read the whole story to Ethan and Owen...and was alarmed to see Grumpy say the following:
"Women are poison"
Again, I ask, who is writing this stuff? You want to know why some guys treat women poorly and expect them to do house work?
Go read the stories you read them when they were little. See, my parents didn't read these stories...They made stories up or sang us songs about cockroaches in Spanish. Hence, I think cockroaches are poison, not women.
In your face stereotype about Hispanic men...
Day 3 - The Nap Story
We're reading Snow White. I get pretty interactive with it otherwise I lose interest quick (I'm one of countless American's afflicted with the ADD)
So after the whole "Whose the fairest of them all" part I ask Summer who the prettiest girl in the house is.
"Meeeeee!"
Her self-esteem is strong to quite strong.
So after the whole "Whose the fairest of them all" part I ask Summer who the prettiest girl in the house is.
"Meeeeee!"
Her self-esteem is strong to quite strong.
Day 3 - The Silence is Deafening
Summer is down for her nap.
Ethan is quietly watching Thomas the Train and crushing little pieces of flowers. I don't know where they are coming from.
Owen is walking around with a blanket around his shoulders like a giant cape.
He looks like a Caucasian Pimp...
Uh Oh...Ethan just said he needs the vacuum...
Ethan is quietly watching Thomas the Train and crushing little pieces of flowers. I don't know where they are coming from.
Owen is walking around with a blanket around his shoulders like a giant cape.
He looks like a Caucasian Pimp...
Uh Oh...Ethan just said he needs the vacuum...
Day 3 - What The?
Ethan just told me that Austin on BackYardigans is both a girl and a boy.
Who the hell is in charge of Character Development for these kids shows??
Larry Flynt?
Who the hell is in charge of Character Development for these kids shows??
Larry Flynt?
Day 3 - The Ride To School
After hanging out at her house watching Sleeping Beauty and eating a donut, I took Summer by my Sister's house. My way of doing something special for the few hours we had together. We enjoyed an episode of Spongebob while the dog sniffed her feet. All was well.
She has promised me that this will be our secret because the boys will be upset. I doubt her sincerity.
The whole ride to the school is spent asking her what she wants to eat...But I just keep asking about pizza because thats what I want. She does not want this but finds it funny.
She then announces her choice:
"Noodles"
Done. I ask another 5 times in different voices to be sure. We have a go.
This turns into the Noodle Song...
"Noodles Noodles Noodles
Noodles All Ooooover
Noodles Noodles Noodles
Noodles Everywhere"
The rest of our ride is spent with us taking turns saying (I don't recall why)
"I think it is" in different, increasingly higher pitched voices.
Solid gold.
So after all that I finally scoop the boys up and toss them in the backseat (don't worry they are securely locked in)...
At this point, although I told her it was our little secret, Summer has decided to betray me. I now see why her Mom wrote "Typical girl" in the Cheat Sheet she gave me...
People are not happy. Ethan specifically. Owen could care less.
To soothe this I say I have a surprise for them that Summer did not get. Owen loses it here. I hear him turn to Summer and ask
"Summer, why did you not get one? Tell me?"
I laugh and say she did. He tells me not to do that again because I tricked him.
It's now that I decide to distract them with things outside of the vehicle and I see a woman trying to cross the street. I point her out and ask what she is doing?
The ensuing conversation can best be described as a childlike discussion of decapitation.
Summer tells a long, convoluted story about it. Owen tries to explain that the blood in our neck keeps our head on...This is a back and forth exchange for a couple minutes (Ethan loves music and he hasn't talked since he asked me to put Garrett's band Gill on and I complied)...
Anyways, this whole conversation ends with Owen loudly saying the following:
"IF I CUT MY HEAD OFF I WILL SHOW YOU BLOOD!"
I am now laughing so hard they all immediately grow quiet knowing I am laughing at them.
The rides almost over and at this moment the song changes...With each song change Ethan quickly asks if the next song is Garrett. I say yes. He whispers "good."
And then we have this exchange:
Ethan - "Hey...Hey Bic-tor...is Garrett playin his git-git-tar?"
Me - "yeah buddy he is"
Owen (This fact apparently frustrates him) "Why is he never playing his other instruments??"
I laugh again and say I don't know why.
Silence for 15 seconds before Ethan pipes up:
"Hey Bic-tor...Can Garrett come ta ow house with his git-tar and play a song?"
"Yes...Yes he can..."
[It's at this point that I should tell Garrett he is on the hook for this...]
She has promised me that this will be our secret because the boys will be upset. I doubt her sincerity.
The whole ride to the school is spent asking her what she wants to eat...But I just keep asking about pizza because thats what I want. She does not want this but finds it funny.
She then announces her choice:
"Noodles"
Done. I ask another 5 times in different voices to be sure. We have a go.
This turns into the Noodle Song...
"Noodles Noodles Noodles
Noodles All Ooooover
Noodles Noodles Noodles
Noodles Everywhere"
The rest of our ride is spent with us taking turns saying (I don't recall why)
"I think it is" in different, increasingly higher pitched voices.
Solid gold.
So after all that I finally scoop the boys up and toss them in the backseat (don't worry they are securely locked in)...
At this point, although I told her it was our little secret, Summer has decided to betray me. I now see why her Mom wrote "Typical girl" in the Cheat Sheet she gave me...
People are not happy. Ethan specifically. Owen could care less.
To soothe this I say I have a surprise for them that Summer did not get. Owen loses it here. I hear him turn to Summer and ask
"Summer, why did you not get one? Tell me?"
I laugh and say she did. He tells me not to do that again because I tricked him.
It's now that I decide to distract them with things outside of the vehicle and I see a woman trying to cross the street. I point her out and ask what she is doing?
The ensuing conversation can best be described as a childlike discussion of decapitation.
Summer tells a long, convoluted story about it. Owen tries to explain that the blood in our neck keeps our head on...This is a back and forth exchange for a couple minutes (Ethan loves music and he hasn't talked since he asked me to put Garrett's band Gill on and I complied)...
Anyways, this whole conversation ends with Owen loudly saying the following:
"IF I CUT MY HEAD OFF I WILL SHOW YOU BLOOD!"
I am now laughing so hard they all immediately grow quiet knowing I am laughing at them.
The rides almost over and at this moment the song changes...With each song change Ethan quickly asks if the next song is Garrett. I say yes. He whispers "good."
And then we have this exchange:
Ethan - "Hey...Hey Bic-tor...is Garrett playin his git-git-tar?"
Me - "yeah buddy he is"
Owen (This fact apparently frustrates him) "Why is he never playing his other instruments??"
I laugh again and say I don't know why.
Silence for 15 seconds before Ethan pipes up:
"Hey Bic-tor...Can Garrett come ta ow house with his git-tar and play a song?"
"Yes...Yes he can..."
[It's at this point that I should tell Garrett he is on the hook for this...]
Day 3 - I Just Hurt A Kid
Summer has peed twice since we returned from the school trip an hour or so ago.
If she keeps this rate of urination up there is NO way she'll ever learn in school or hold down a job...
New Goal: Urine Retention
Regardless...she's wearing a skirt that zips up on the side...You see where this is going dont you?
She finishes her bathroom trip...Hops off the toilet...We get her undies and her tights up and as I'm zipping up the skirt and shes commenting on my coffee breath I hear a gasp, an ow, and then
Crying. And more Crying. and tears.
GAHLEE...
Now we're both laying together watching Sleeping Beauty. At least she recovered quickly...
By the way this kid is painfully adorable.
If she keeps this rate of urination up there is NO way she'll ever learn in school or hold down a job...
New Goal: Urine Retention
Regardless...she's wearing a skirt that zips up on the side...You see where this is going dont you?
She finishes her bathroom trip...Hops off the toilet...We get her undies and her tights up and as I'm zipping up the skirt and shes commenting on my coffee breath I hear a gasp, an ow, and then
Crying. And more Crying. and tears.
GAHLEE...
Now we're both laying together watching Sleeping Beauty. At least she recovered quickly...
By the way this kid is painfully adorable.
Day 3 - Back from School
That was a GREAT trip.
Thanks to being me, I didn't anticipate the slow process of making moves in this weather.
For example, the minute Owen threw on a pair of gloves all hell broke loose.
Summer wanted her gloves (that I could not find) so we almost had a meltdown...I've found that the easiest way to avoid these meltdowns is to flip the script on them and act like I'm the one hurt and disappointed...They get so flustered they stop worrying and try to work with me.
See Dad I am smart.
This little exchange lead to our next issue...Now, I won't go too deep into this but Ethan has one hand that is just a tad bit weaker than the other...This normally isn't a problem by any means except that it results in him having a hard time opening it fully...Which, again, isn't a problem...
EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU TRY TO PUT A GLOVE ON HIM.
Needless to say - Ethan rocked one glove and was fine with it.
Both he and Owen throw on their "Where's Waldo?" hats and Summer is decked out from head to toe in pink - She looks like a mini Pepto Bismol bottle...
So after spending 10 minutes trying to shimmy a glove on Ethans hand and then trying to get them each in the car without exposing them to the weather but so much...We're leaving 10 minutes later than expected.
Great. I'm that nanny now.
On the way we have the following conversations...
Owen on God:
"Hey Victor, do you think God made bad guys?"
"I dunno buddy...what do you think?" (I have no interest in broaching religion with them...that's not something I can even discuss with an adult)
"I think he didn't because God isn't bad..."
(Good thing I didn't respond with the whole "free will" angle)
-------------------------
Summer on what she wants to do after we drop the boys off at school:
"I...I...I...Bictor...I...I...I wanna muffin like da udder day"
Oh. Great.
"We finished that muffin."
"Ohhh...Can we get anudder?"
"Maybe..."
---------------------------
Ethan at school:
"Hey buddy how about I take off this glove?"
"Noooo..."
"You wanna keep it on? Thats fine if you want to look like Michael Jackson"
Ethan whispers "Yes..."
Other mom in the room laughs at my Michael Jackson joke. She is both married and not cute.
I whisper "yes" back to Ethan.
Ethan keeps his hat and glove on. His teacher asks the same question. He again declines the offer.
She steals my joke. Cool move lady...Cool
-----------------------------
I've still got this unproductive cough so I pop a Cherry Halls (under the guise its medicine)
Summer proceeds to say the following:
"Bic...Bictor...At...at....at home...we have mettacin and it has a top..."
"You do??"
"uh huh...and...and...and its spy-thee...like my mommys....I...I tink der's pepper in it..."
-----------------------------
Summer and I at 7-11...I need coffee and I have caved to the muffin request.
They do not have muffins.
She suggests a Lunchable instead. I laugh and say no.
We settle on powdered donuts. After paying it dawns on me the powdererd sugar is going to send her into "I have so much energy I am freaking out right now" territory. I'm terrified.
She sees an older (but not old lady)
Loud enough for this woman to hear her Summer ponders the question I could see her wondering since the lady walked in...
"Is is is she a grandma too?"
In Your Face Lady! Thats what you get for not wearing make up!!
I love this job.
---------------------------
Summer and I are now drawing on pink construction paper.
Ladies: Eat. It. Up.
Thanks to being me, I didn't anticipate the slow process of making moves in this weather.
For example, the minute Owen threw on a pair of gloves all hell broke loose.
Summer wanted her gloves (that I could not find) so we almost had a meltdown...I've found that the easiest way to avoid these meltdowns is to flip the script on them and act like I'm the one hurt and disappointed...They get so flustered they stop worrying and try to work with me.
See Dad I am smart.
This little exchange lead to our next issue...Now, I won't go too deep into this but Ethan has one hand that is just a tad bit weaker than the other...This normally isn't a problem by any means except that it results in him having a hard time opening it fully...Which, again, isn't a problem...
EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU TRY TO PUT A GLOVE ON HIM.
Needless to say - Ethan rocked one glove and was fine with it.
Both he and Owen throw on their "Where's Waldo?" hats and Summer is decked out from head to toe in pink - She looks like a mini Pepto Bismol bottle...
So after spending 10 minutes trying to shimmy a glove on Ethans hand and then trying to get them each in the car without exposing them to the weather but so much...We're leaving 10 minutes later than expected.
Great. I'm that nanny now.
On the way we have the following conversations...
Owen on God:
"Hey Victor, do you think God made bad guys?"
"I dunno buddy...what do you think?" (I have no interest in broaching religion with them...that's not something I can even discuss with an adult)
"I think he didn't because God isn't bad..."
(Good thing I didn't respond with the whole "free will" angle)
-------------------------
Summer on what she wants to do after we drop the boys off at school:
"I...I...I...Bictor...I...I...I wanna muffin like da udder day"
Oh. Great.
"We finished that muffin."
"Ohhh...Can we get anudder?"
"Maybe..."
---------------------------
Ethan at school:
"Hey buddy how about I take off this glove?"
"Noooo..."
"You wanna keep it on? Thats fine if you want to look like Michael Jackson"
Ethan whispers "Yes..."
Other mom in the room laughs at my Michael Jackson joke. She is both married and not cute.
I whisper "yes" back to Ethan.
Ethan keeps his hat and glove on. His teacher asks the same question. He again declines the offer.
She steals my joke. Cool move lady...Cool
-----------------------------
I've still got this unproductive cough so I pop a Cherry Halls (under the guise its medicine)
Summer proceeds to say the following:
"Bic...Bictor...At...at....at home...we have mettacin and it has a top..."
"You do??"
"uh huh...and...and...and its spy-thee...like my mommys....I...I tink der's pepper in it..."
-----------------------------
Summer and I at 7-11...I need coffee and I have caved to the muffin request.
They do not have muffins.
She suggests a Lunchable instead. I laugh and say no.
We settle on powdered donuts. After paying it dawns on me the powdererd sugar is going to send her into "I have so much energy I am freaking out right now" territory. I'm terrified.
She sees an older (but not old lady)
Loud enough for this woman to hear her Summer ponders the question I could see her wondering since the lady walked in...
"Is is is she a grandma too?"
In Your Face Lady! Thats what you get for not wearing make up!!
I love this job.
---------------------------
Summer and I are now drawing on pink construction paper.
Ladies: Eat. It. Up.
Day 3 - The Snow
Ethan just realized its snowing (he's neck deep in The BackYardigans)...
He looks over, gasps, and goes
"Sneeewwwwooooooooooh"
Summer followed suit..."Yeaaaahhh snoooooow"
And then Owen, the 4 year old going on 40, kills the party.
"We cant play with it. Its not enough. Sorry."
All this is followed by Ethan asking me in a sad tone
"Bictor...where's Mommy?"
"At work"
"Surfs Up!"
(this is, I guess, his favorite BackYardigans episode and also his way of saying "Word Up")
He looks over, gasps, and goes
"Sneeewwwwooooooooooh"
Summer followed suit..."Yeaaaahhh snoooooow"
And then Owen, the 4 year old going on 40, kills the party.
"We cant play with it. Its not enough. Sorry."
All this is followed by Ethan asking me in a sad tone
"Bictor...where's Mommy?"
"At work"
"Surfs Up!"
(this is, I guess, his favorite BackYardigans episode and also his way of saying "Word Up")
Day 3 - God's Cruel Joke
Hey! Good news!
It's FRIGGIN sleeting...
Actually, it was sleeting...now its just a steady stream of wet snow. Which is great because I can't even properly equip myself for wet weather.
These kids are going to be miserable when I try and shoehorn them into my car to go to school and in the process make their heads look like wet Q-Tips.
Let the day begin...
It's FRIGGIN sleeting...
Actually, it was sleeting...now its just a steady stream of wet snow. Which is great because I can't even properly equip myself for wet weather.
These kids are going to be miserable when I try and shoehorn them into my car to go to school and in the process make their heads look like wet Q-Tips.
Let the day begin...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Day 2 - And He Goes Again
Ethan has now registered poop #2...
According to him "When I have to go I have to go"
This one smelled awful. And was not a clean wipe.
His butt was also completely wet...apparently from back splash.
I guess he wasn't kidding about how he had to go.
According to him "When I have to go I have to go"
This one smelled awful. And was not a clean wipe.
His butt was also completely wet...apparently from back splash.
I guess he wasn't kidding about how he had to go.
Day 2 - Dairy
There are more dairy products in these kids than the entire state of Wisconsin.
It's amazing.
Half of me thinks they'll curdle if I take them out into the sun...
It's amazing.
Half of me thinks they'll curdle if I take them out into the sun...
Day 2 - Thank God For Television
The stars of the day: THE BACKYARDIGANS
Starring (from left to right): Tasha, Tyrone, Pablo, Uniqua, and...wait for it...Austin
Again...who makes up these names?
Oh and am I alone in finding it odd "Tyrone" can't swim?
Day 2 - The Ice Cream Conversation with Ethan
"I cant give you more Orange Chips (Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips)...guess why"
"Why"
"Guess"
"Why?"
"Guess"
"Why (in a whisper)"
I start laughing at this because he's also holding my face.
"Because you gotta save room for ice cream"
"Ohhhhhh....OK...but...but...what kind?"
"Chocolate"
Huge smile...
"What color is it?"
"Brown like chocolate"
"ahh yeaaaaaaaaaa...but...but...we dont have anymore"
This was technically true. Yesterday we polished off the chocolate section of a box of Neopolitan...
"I already got more...while you were at school..."
"But...but...does it have banella on it?"
"Nope...just chocolate"
Huge smile before he whispers
"Yes..."
"Why"
"Guess"
"Why?"
"Guess"
"Why (in a whisper)"
I start laughing at this because he's also holding my face.
"Because you gotta save room for ice cream"
"Ohhhhhh....OK...but...but...what kind?"
"Chocolate"
Huge smile...
"What color is it?"
"Brown like chocolate"
"ahh yeaaaaaaaaaa...but...but...we dont have anymore"
This was technically true. Yesterday we polished off the chocolate section of a box of Neopolitan...
"I already got more...while you were at school..."
"But...but...does it have banella on it?"
"Nope...just chocolate"
Huge smile before he whispers
"Yes..."
Day 2 - Not These Two Again!
HOLY SH*T
You will not believe what just happened to me...
So, alongside having three kids during the day...I also am watching my sisters dog while she's out of the country. Normally, that consists of leaving him at the house I share with said sister.
However, last night and today he spent over at my Mom's place and she asked me to come get him.
This is no problem as all three kids really like "Hobby" (his name is "Javi" but it's close enough)...
So we go scoop up "Hobby" and I'm quite the sight...A sedan with 3 kids in the back, a dog (Owen - "Is he a Dalamatian?") riding shotgun and then me...
I get to my house, don't even risk taking the kids out of the car, hustle Javi inside and on the way downstairs I hear "ratta-tat-tat-tat" on the front door.
Who could be knocking?
THE MORMONS FROM YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess seeing me startled them enough for one to hop back quickly. I sling the door open, part them like the red sea, slap one on the shoulder and say firmly, yet politely, that I don't have time to chat.
And then I guess the guilt settled in...or the fear of the unknown...or just the fact these two kids are walking all over this area of town...so we started to talk.
The one who looked like he was thinking "This walking business sucks" was from Northern California. The other one, who looked like "Landry" from Friday Night Lights, was from Nevada.
"So hows that work? They just send you guys as far away as possible to freak you out?"
Both laugh.
I decide "Big Love" on HBO does not do the Mormon sense of humor justice.
They tell me how long they've been kicking tires in Richmond...Explain the process ("Pretty much any house with a car out front") and tell me they've been moderately successful.
I smile and say good luck fellas.
"Landry" starts to say how interesting it is to see me two days in a row... didnt hear what he went on to say...I was on the way into my car...Nice kids though.
I just hope I never see them again.
You will not believe what just happened to me...
So, alongside having three kids during the day...I also am watching my sisters dog while she's out of the country. Normally, that consists of leaving him at the house I share with said sister.
However, last night and today he spent over at my Mom's place and she asked me to come get him.
This is no problem as all three kids really like "Hobby" (his name is "Javi" but it's close enough)...
So we go scoop up "Hobby" and I'm quite the sight...A sedan with 3 kids in the back, a dog (Owen - "Is he a Dalamatian?") riding shotgun and then me...
I get to my house, don't even risk taking the kids out of the car, hustle Javi inside and on the way downstairs I hear "ratta-tat-tat-tat" on the front door.
Who could be knocking?
THE MORMONS FROM YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess seeing me startled them enough for one to hop back quickly. I sling the door open, part them like the red sea, slap one on the shoulder and say firmly, yet politely, that I don't have time to chat.
And then I guess the guilt settled in...or the fear of the unknown...or just the fact these two kids are walking all over this area of town...so we started to talk.
The one who looked like he was thinking "This walking business sucks" was from Northern California. The other one, who looked like "Landry" from Friday Night Lights, was from Nevada.
"So hows that work? They just send you guys as far away as possible to freak you out?"
Both laugh.
I decide "Big Love" on HBO does not do the Mormon sense of humor justice.
They tell me how long they've been kicking tires in Richmond...Explain the process ("Pretty much any house with a car out front") and tell me they've been moderately successful.
I smile and say good luck fellas.
"Landry" starts to say how interesting it is to see me two days in a row... didnt hear what he went on to say...I was on the way into my car...Nice kids though.
I just hope I never see them again.
Day 2 - Blockbuster and Back
The Blockbuster trip was much easier than expected...
Well, sort of. At first, I told them that I only had so much money and because of this, if we got McDonald's we could only get 1 movie.
They agreed. As each of them continued to say we'd get something different(Owen wanted Batman, Ethan wanted The BackYardigans, and Summer wanted Tinkerbell)...I could feel trouble brewing...
I instituted the "If anyone cries we're leaving the store and not getting ANY movies"
Everyone agrees.
We make it to the parking lot and, after 4 minutes of me struggling to get them out of the backseat of my car, before we take a single step Owen has broken the sacred rule.
He's crying because I explained the concept of compromise.
I held strong for about 35 seconds...maybe 40...
We left with 3 movies. I couldn't do it.
It's right about now I should mention that if this is how I'm going to be with other people's kids imagine how I'll be with my own...My wife better be a whole lot tougher.
That all being said, it was surprisingly easy inside Blockbuster. Each kid found what they wanted, all in the same aisle, for .99 cents each...
Everyone is happy.
Well, sort of. At first, I told them that I only had so much money and because of this, if we got McDonald's we could only get 1 movie.
They agreed. As each of them continued to say we'd get something different(Owen wanted Batman, Ethan wanted The BackYardigans, and Summer wanted Tinkerbell)...I could feel trouble brewing...
I instituted the "If anyone cries we're leaving the store and not getting ANY movies"
Everyone agrees.
We make it to the parking lot and, after 4 minutes of me struggling to get them out of the backseat of my car, before we take a single step Owen has broken the sacred rule.
He's crying because I explained the concept of compromise.
I held strong for about 35 seconds...maybe 40...
We left with 3 movies. I couldn't do it.
It's right about now I should mention that if this is how I'm going to be with other people's kids imagine how I'll be with my own...My wife better be a whole lot tougher.
That all being said, it was surprisingly easy inside Blockbuster. Each kid found what they wanted, all in the same aisle, for .99 cents each...
Everyone is happy.
Day 2 - The First Real Poop
We've had our first real poop.
Ethan insisted on sitting on the toilet to go pee. I told him guys don't do that except in the morning when they are hungover and half asleep. He didn't understand. It's ok. He will.
However, he then uttered the following magic words:
"Yeah, I gotta poop"
At the risk of too much information, their mother was right, it was an absolutely clean poop. So, technically, the first time I have ever wiped another humans backside resulted in my not actually wiping up anything.
Whew.
Ethan insisted on sitting on the toilet to go pee. I told him guys don't do that except in the morning when they are hungover and half asleep. He didn't understand. It's ok. He will.
However, he then uttered the following magic words:
"Yeah, I gotta poop"
At the risk of too much information, their mother was right, it was an absolutely clean poop. So, technically, the first time I have ever wiped another humans backside resulted in my not actually wiping up anything.
Whew.
Day 2 - The Nap Conversation
Owen: "Mom never lets us nap anymore"
Me: "If you guys are tired its ok to fall asleep"
Owen: "After we go to the movie store...and ice cream...maybe I will"
Me: "OK" (followed by a sad look because going in public is still shaky...heck, even their Dad told me he tries to avoid venturing into public with them alone)
Me: "If you guys are tired its ok to fall asleep"
Owen: "After we go to the movie store...and ice cream...maybe I will"
Me: "OK" (followed by a sad look because going in public is still shaky...heck, even their Dad told me he tries to avoid venturing into public with them alone)
Day 2 - Bictor's Crazy Paper
McDonald's works. So does Curious George. I forgot Jack Johnson did the soundtrack...4 of us are content right now...
I just handed Ethan a wet paper towel to wash his hands off. Apparently, judging by his comment, this isn't how his Mom does it.
"Heyyy (he drags out most words) Bic-tor...This is crazy"
We both laugh.
I just handed Ethan a wet paper towel to wash his hands off. Apparently, judging by his comment, this isn't how his Mom does it.
"Heyyy (he drags out most words) Bic-tor...This is crazy"
We both laugh.
E & O
Here are E & O on a roller coaster.
The video isn't new by any means...but it still cracks me up...
Enjoy
The video isn't new by any means...but it still cracks me up...
Enjoy
Day 2 - The Photo
I'm putting this up until their mother calls and tells me to get her kids photo off the internet...
It's a from the back shot so noone knows how they really look...
It's a from the back shot so noone knows how they really look...
Day 2 - Kid Descriptions
Due to the feedback, it's become readily apparent that people who don't already know these kids are reading about their shenanigans...but wish they knew more.
So I'd like to describe what I'm working with.
1) All 3 are blond and fair skinned with light eyes. It's like Hitler's dream come to life...They're like "The Children of the Corn" only instead of evil and creepy they're amazing and hilarious.
2) They each play a legitimate role amongst one another. Owen is the leader of the bunch. Summer is the follower. Ethan is the wild card.
3) Ethan is afraid of public restrooms because he doesn't trust automatic flushers. I find this to be hilarious. However, I also have to carry a Solo cup in my car just in case...So this might go from "hilarious" to "what did I get myself into?" quickly...
4) Not only are they remarkably sweet and huge fans of PDA...they're alarmingly polite. Have you ever heard three kids fighting for your attention but instead of cries they're all saying "excuse me?" It's incredible. I almost wish they were annoying and rude.
5) I've found they really enjoy music...However, I'm going to use this position to try and mold them behind their parents backs...We've discovered that while they enjoy loud music (For some reason it causes Summer to giggle nonstop), Rap is a no no...They were WAY more happy with Guns N Roses...And, surprisingly, they really liked a friend of mines band...so Garrett if you're reading this - kids under 5 dig Gill.
None of this surprises me. They're the offspring of a guy who loves The Black Crowes...
Again, if you're kids aren't cool, look in the mirror.
I'm going to pick them up from school...More to come later.
So I'd like to describe what I'm working with.
1) All 3 are blond and fair skinned with light eyes. It's like Hitler's dream come to life...They're like "The Children of the Corn" only instead of evil and creepy they're amazing and hilarious.
2) They each play a legitimate role amongst one another. Owen is the leader of the bunch. Summer is the follower. Ethan is the wild card.
3) Ethan is afraid of public restrooms because he doesn't trust automatic flushers. I find this to be hilarious. However, I also have to carry a Solo cup in my car just in case...So this might go from "hilarious" to "what did I get myself into?" quickly...
4) Not only are they remarkably sweet and huge fans of PDA...they're alarmingly polite. Have you ever heard three kids fighting for your attention but instead of cries they're all saying "excuse me?" It's incredible. I almost wish they were annoying and rude.
5) I've found they really enjoy music...However, I'm going to use this position to try and mold them behind their parents backs...We've discovered that while they enjoy loud music (For some reason it causes Summer to giggle nonstop), Rap is a no no...They were WAY more happy with Guns N Roses...And, surprisingly, they really liked a friend of mines band...so Garrett if you're reading this - kids under 5 dig Gill.
None of this surprises me. They're the offspring of a guy who loves The Black Crowes...
Again, if you're kids aren't cool, look in the mirror.
I'm going to pick them up from school...More to come later.
Day 2 - And Round Two Begins
I came back for more.
So I'd like to start out by saying I HIGHLY recommend such a job to anyone and everyone...
I woke up late today because NyQuil had me in and out of consciousness like a heroin addict.
Luckily, my employers don't care if I've showered. This is GREAT.
I just dropped the kids off at school. They do not forget. I am now on the hook for a Blockbuster trip and McDonald's...
So I'd like to start out by saying I HIGHLY recommend such a job to anyone and everyone...
I woke up late today because NyQuil had me in and out of consciousness like a heroin addict.
Luckily, my employers don't care if I've showered. This is GREAT.
I just dropped the kids off at school. They do not forget. I am now on the hook for a Blockbuster trip and McDonald's...
Monday, February 16, 2009
THE EXPLANATION (Or How I Stopped Looking For A Job & Became a Nanny)
First off, I'd like to sincerely thank every single person who contacted me today saying they were enjoying this little blog.
Thank you. If not for that feedback (and my insatiable hunger for attention/the love of my parents) I may have quit by 10 AM.
That being said, people had a few questions that I feel I should address before I move on...
1) "Do the parents know you're writing this blog?"
Not only do they know...they both told me they loved it. I'm working with some cool people here...Which helps to explain why the kids are hilarious and easy to write about.
Here's a little secret: If your kids suck its cause you suck too. No offense.
Luckily, these kids are teetering on the edge of overdosing on cool. They even dress better than me. That's not hard but still...they can't even wipe their own asses. I'm consistently impressed.
2) "So, how did a 25 year old single male land a nanny job for three kids?"
I wish I could answer this with some cool story about an interview and how I sold out my dignity for a job...but I'm not in Hollywood or on Meth so here's the real story.
Nepotism. With a side of Convenient Unemployment.
Truth be told, I'm related to the kids. Although I am technically second cousins with them I prefer the term "Councle" (Cunk-ill) as it implies I'm more important than the average, distant cousin. And I am.
3) "What kind of self-respecting 25 year old takes a job as a nanny? What are you, a pedophile?"
No. I'm not. I love women. Some of them even like me from time to time.
However, rest assured, I follow the rules so if I were a pedophile I would alert everyone pursuant to Megan's Law...but I'm not and this will be the last joke I make about that topic because that sh*t is weird and I feel dirty just from that...
4) "You still didn't explain how you ended up in this position..."
OK...I guess if chronology is important I should explain that I started on my path sometime in the winter of 1983...But that story would take FOREVER...So we'll fast forward.
How did I end up a "Manny" basically can be boiled down to this single event:
I majored in Communications. I don't bring this up to suggest I have some love affair with all things Communication oriented...I don't. By and large, I found the theories to be of little ultimate importance...Hell, I got a "D" in Intro to Comm despite the fact I speak reasonably well and can write letters without pictures.
Anyways, every single friend of mine who pursued the same track of Communication studies would tell you I'm right - we're basically worthless. Honestly.We could have spent those 4 (fine, 5) years of college getting 3 associate degrees at ECPI and be way more attractive in the current economic landscape.
Now, I say none of that to be disrespectful to the 2 (maybe 3) Comm professors I enjoyed learning from...One of whom -APW (who I hope reads this) - was instrumental in my development. I say it so you understand that I came out of school with my writing ability as it was when I entered and that was about it (if anything my writing took a hit thanks to the fact everyone somehow found it reasonable to drink at least 4 nights a week while in college...).
Therefore, due to my lack of any useful knowledge (in things like finance, economics, veterinary sciences, etc) I've been fairly unattractive to potential employers. Well, unless they want me to break down water cooler conversations and illustrate what the Symbolic Convergence Theory states...Which would suck because, as previously stated, I struggled mightily in Intro to Communication (If Ms. Waggenspack is still teaching at Virginia Tech...May God have mercy on her students souls...Thanks to that woman, I now hope Ohio State loses every single time they play in any sporting event. Seriously.)
So, I was unemployed. I'm good with kids. The parents trusted me.
I wish it were cooler than that but its not...right place, right time...
5) "How long will you be doing this?"
Well...at least a few months...unless I get fired. That being said, I'm really hoping I don't get fired otherwise Thanksgiving would get awkward real quick.
6) "Can we meet up for a drink? I'm pretty sure you're the man of my dreams..."
This hasn't happened yet but I'm fully expecting it will...Please attach a picture of you to help me decide. (No men. Not that I have a problem with that...Its just not my cup of tea)
7) "So kids don't scare you?"
Not at all. Unless you think you're carrying my kid. In which case we should BOTH be terrified...
8) "Are these stories really true or do you embellish for the sake of entertainment?"
They are all 100% true. I wish I was that creative. Look, Aesop didn't write those fables...he wrote them down and probably pissed some poor storyteller off...I'm just writing the stories down. All credit from here on out goes to the kids - as Bill Cosby suggested and Haley Joel Osment confirmed: Kids say the damnedest things...
9) "Do you believe in spanking"
Not kids...
10) "You are awesome"
Thank you. Seriously. I'm flattered.
Thank you. If not for that feedback (and my insatiable hunger for attention/the love of my parents) I may have quit by 10 AM.
That being said, people had a few questions that I feel I should address before I move on...
1) "Do the parents know you're writing this blog?"
Not only do they know...they both told me they loved it. I'm working with some cool people here...Which helps to explain why the kids are hilarious and easy to write about.
Here's a little secret: If your kids suck its cause you suck too. No offense.
Luckily, these kids are teetering on the edge of overdosing on cool. They even dress better than me. That's not hard but still...they can't even wipe their own asses. I'm consistently impressed.
2) "So, how did a 25 year old single male land a nanny job for three kids?"
I wish I could answer this with some cool story about an interview and how I sold out my dignity for a job...but I'm not in Hollywood or on Meth so here's the real story.
Nepotism. With a side of Convenient Unemployment.
Truth be told, I'm related to the kids. Although I am technically second cousins with them I prefer the term "Councle" (Cunk-ill) as it implies I'm more important than the average, distant cousin. And I am.
3) "What kind of self-respecting 25 year old takes a job as a nanny? What are you, a pedophile?"
No. I'm not. I love women. Some of them even like me from time to time.
However, rest assured, I follow the rules so if I were a pedophile I would alert everyone pursuant to Megan's Law...but I'm not and this will be the last joke I make about that topic because that sh*t is weird and I feel dirty just from that...
4) "You still didn't explain how you ended up in this position..."
OK...I guess if chronology is important I should explain that I started on my path sometime in the winter of 1983...But that story would take FOREVER...So we'll fast forward.
How did I end up a "Manny" basically can be boiled down to this single event:
I majored in Communications. I don't bring this up to suggest I have some love affair with all things Communication oriented...I don't. By and large, I found the theories to be of little ultimate importance...Hell, I got a "D" in Intro to Comm despite the fact I speak reasonably well and can write letters without pictures.
Anyways, every single friend of mine who pursued the same track of Communication studies would tell you I'm right - we're basically worthless. Honestly.We could have spent those 4 (fine, 5) years of college getting 3 associate degrees at ECPI and be way more attractive in the current economic landscape.
Now, I say none of that to be disrespectful to the 2 (maybe 3) Comm professors I enjoyed learning from...One of whom -APW (who I hope reads this) - was instrumental in my development. I say it so you understand that I came out of school with my writing ability as it was when I entered and that was about it (if anything my writing took a hit thanks to the fact everyone somehow found it reasonable to drink at least 4 nights a week while in college...).
Therefore, due to my lack of any useful knowledge (in things like finance, economics, veterinary sciences, etc) I've been fairly unattractive to potential employers. Well, unless they want me to break down water cooler conversations and illustrate what the Symbolic Convergence Theory states...Which would suck because, as previously stated, I struggled mightily in Intro to Communication (If Ms. Waggenspack is still teaching at Virginia Tech...May God have mercy on her students souls...Thanks to that woman, I now hope Ohio State loses every single time they play in any sporting event. Seriously.)
So, I was unemployed. I'm good with kids. The parents trusted me.
I wish it were cooler than that but its not...right place, right time...
5) "How long will you be doing this?"
Well...at least a few months...unless I get fired. That being said, I'm really hoping I don't get fired otherwise Thanksgiving would get awkward real quick.
6) "Can we meet up for a drink? I'm pretty sure you're the man of my dreams..."
This hasn't happened yet but I'm fully expecting it will...Please attach a picture of you to help me decide. (No men. Not that I have a problem with that...Its just not my cup of tea)
7) "So kids don't scare you?"
Not at all. Unless you think you're carrying my kid. In which case we should BOTH be terrified...
8) "Are these stories really true or do you embellish for the sake of entertainment?"
They are all 100% true. I wish I was that creative. Look, Aesop didn't write those fables...he wrote them down and probably pissed some poor storyteller off...I'm just writing the stories down. All credit from here on out goes to the kids - as Bill Cosby suggested and Haley Joel Osment confirmed: Kids say the damnedest things...
9) "Do you believe in spanking"
Not kids...
10) "You are awesome"
Thank you. Seriously. I'm flattered.
Day 1 - How I Avoided Going To Blockbuster
The Blockbuster trip has been avoided.
Here's what transpired:
Owen tornado whips a Tshirt into my right eye.
I stand up and (almost too excitedly) proclaim that our movie store trip is no longer an option. I take Summer to pee (I've lost count...we're in double digits) and help her put on her sweater (yes, she's been in PJ's all day - It's my first day)...
I then return to Owen and I ask if he's ready to eat ice cream (there are some things I was unwilling to cancel for fear of a full on child mutiny)...He seems relieved that I spared him a time out and simply canceled the Blockbuster trip.
Me: "Are we cool?"
Owen: (vigorous head nod)
Me: "Word lets get some ice cream"
And everything has been Botox smooth ever since...
Here's what transpired:
Owen tornado whips a Tshirt into my right eye.
I stand up and (almost too excitedly) proclaim that our movie store trip is no longer an option. I take Summer to pee (I've lost count...we're in double digits) and help her put on her sweater (yes, she's been in PJ's all day - It's my first day)...
I then return to Owen and I ask if he's ready to eat ice cream (there are some things I was unwilling to cancel for fear of a full on child mutiny)...He seems relieved that I spared him a time out and simply canceled the Blockbuster trip.
Me: "Are we cool?"
Owen: (vigorous head nod)
Me: "Word lets get some ice cream"
And everything has been Botox smooth ever since...
Day 1 - My First Lesson
I have been taught my first lesson so far:
DO NOT even try and dangle some sort of incentive over kids...they will not forget and they will guilt you...and when the guilt can't bring down your Berlin Wall of stubbornness they will look for a new angle.
Case in point: This morning, I uttered the words "if you're good, I'll take you guys to Blockbuster." At the time, this seemed fairly innocuous.
They (Owen) did not agree with me.
The 3 year old girl is napping. I have tried to keep these two fairly quiet with things like Thundercats (Kudos to that guy by the way...still watchable) and various other shows...
However, they keep alternating between rolling this giant Tonka truck on the tile floor (creating tons of noise) and having Owen sprint and knee slide like David Lee Roth.
In addition, they keep dropping these sly "uh oh I think I hear Summer calling you" hoping I'll go wake her up accidentally.
The third time I bite and I head upstairs...I didn't even hear the footsteps behind me. By the time I hit her door I see shes asleep but I feel someone coming...I spin and here comes Owen like a mini freight train.
This kid is good. Luckily, I am bigger.
I intercept is attempt at waking her up.
I am in over my head.
DO NOT even try and dangle some sort of incentive over kids...they will not forget and they will guilt you...and when the guilt can't bring down your Berlin Wall of stubbornness they will look for a new angle.
Case in point: This morning, I uttered the words "if you're good, I'll take you guys to Blockbuster." At the time, this seemed fairly innocuous.
They (Owen) did not agree with me.
The 3 year old girl is napping. I have tried to keep these two fairly quiet with things like Thundercats (Kudos to that guy by the way...still watchable) and various other shows...
However, they keep alternating between rolling this giant Tonka truck on the tile floor (creating tons of noise) and having Owen sprint and knee slide like David Lee Roth.
In addition, they keep dropping these sly "uh oh I think I hear Summer calling you" hoping I'll go wake her up accidentally.
The third time I bite and I head upstairs...I didn't even hear the footsteps behind me. By the time I hit her door I see shes asleep but I feel someone coming...I spin and here comes Owen like a mini freight train.
This kid is good. Luckily, I am bigger.
I intercept is attempt at waking her up.
I am in over my head.
Day 1 - Who drinks that much?
This family must go through apple juice and milk at an incredibly rapid pace.
These kids may as well mainline the two...
I keep waiting for the 2 boys to just start peeing chocolate milk...
These kids may as well mainline the two...
I keep waiting for the 2 boys to just start peeing chocolate milk...
Day 1 - Hannah Montana
Today marks the first time I ever watched Hannah Montana...
Miley Cyrus looks, easily, 25 in this particular episode. I hope this isn't the norm otherwise my issues with Disney will increase significantly...
Owen is kicking it next to me, thumb in mouth, eating this Hannah Montana sh*t up. It is at this time we make eye contact and we both nod at each other.
We have now officially bonded. The only way we could bond more is if we
A) drank a beer together
B) shot guns together
C) light firecrackers together
However, for various reasons, all 3 of those options are unavailable at this point in time.
The "Miley Cyrus Incident" will do just fine for now...
Miley Cyrus looks, easily, 25 in this particular episode. I hope this isn't the norm otherwise my issues with Disney will increase significantly...
Owen is kicking it next to me, thumb in mouth, eating this Hannah Montana sh*t up. It is at this time we make eye contact and we both nod at each other.
We have now officially bonded. The only way we could bond more is if we
A) drank a beer together
B) shot guns together
C) light firecrackers together
However, for various reasons, all 3 of those options are unavailable at this point in time.
The "Miley Cyrus Incident" will do just fine for now...
Day 1 - Lady Tremaine the Disney Drag Queen
Note to whoever wrote Cinderella:
Why would you use so many large words? What part of writing like that made you think it'd be easy for kids to understand...It's f*ckin absurd.
Not to mention the names. Cinderella, Lady Tremaine, & Drizella - seriously? That sounds like the lineup of some washed up 90's female RnB group...Lady Tremaine sounds like a black drag queen...
ANYWAYS
I just tried reading that story to Summer. She didn't want to listen to me talk. She wanted to see the pictures...
As of today, I prefer Dr. Seuss and everyone else over anything written or distributed by Disney.
Why would you use so many large words? What part of writing like that made you think it'd be easy for kids to understand...It's f*ckin absurd.
Not to mention the names. Cinderella, Lady Tremaine, & Drizella - seriously? That sounds like the lineup of some washed up 90's female RnB group...Lady Tremaine sounds like a black drag queen...
ANYWAYS
I just tried reading that story to Summer. She didn't want to listen to me talk. She wanted to see the pictures...
As of today, I prefer Dr. Seuss and everyone else over anything written or distributed by Disney.
Day 1 - Girls Fart More Pt 2
Summer's still farting. They have grown from laughable "pffts" to gut wrenching "barumps"
Ethan has chosen to watch some Barbie movie with Summer over a train movie with his brother.
I would pass judgement if I didn't have a weak spot for romantic comedies...
Ethan has chosen to watch some Barbie movie with Summer over a train movie with his brother.
I would pass judgement if I didn't have a weak spot for romantic comedies...
Day 1 - "I Gotta Poop!"
First potential for problem...My computer went crazy...first assumption was a kid got in it...Second assumption was my computer sucks.
I'm going with the latter cause these kids cant be that destructive.
We've had our first "I gotta poop" moment...It was - SURPRISE - Summer...She actually did not need to go...I think she's figured out that when she goes to the "potty" I'll let her ride my back out to the living room.
Even 3 year old girls know how to use and abuse me...
I'm going with the latter cause these kids cant be that destructive.
We've had our first "I gotta poop" moment...It was - SURPRISE - Summer...She actually did not need to go...I think she's figured out that when she goes to the "potty" I'll let her ride my back out to the living room.
Even 3 year old girls know how to use and abuse me...
Day 1 - The Mormons Pt 2
SERIOUSLY!?!
Those Mormon kids came back...I told them they should return tonight when the adults are back as I'm trying to make sure these three stay alive and don't have time to discuss the relative merits of Mormonism...
They could have lead off with a big sales job about my being able to have multiple women take care of me in every way possible and I still would have suggested they leave.
I have no problem with Mormons. Just stop knocking on the f*ckin door fellas.
Those Mormon kids came back...I told them they should return tonight when the adults are back as I'm trying to make sure these three stay alive and don't have time to discuss the relative merits of Mormonism...
They could have lead off with a big sales job about my being able to have multiple women take care of me in every way possible and I still would have suggested they leave.
I have no problem with Mormons. Just stop knocking on the f*ckin door fellas.
Day 1 - Summer Is Into Older Guys
These kids love pictures on Facebook...
Summer apparently prefers Old Victor over Young Victor. Summer is in the minority. I don't even agree with her opinion.
However, she is growing on me more and more. If she'd stop choking me out from behind things would really look good.
OLD VICTOR
YOUNG VICTOR
Summer apparently prefers Old Victor over Young Victor. Summer is in the minority. I don't even agree with her opinion.
However, she is growing on me more and more. If she'd stop choking me out from behind things would really look good.
OLD VICTOR
YOUNG VICTOR
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
