We're getting closer and closer to the end of the day...
Which means in about 3 hours I should see a whole mess of your smiling faces at 3 North 17th Street...The Haligan Bar & Grill...
When else are you going to get the chance to order a drink that comes out of a fire truck?
8-11PM
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Day 50 - Made My Day
Owen just made me break out into a laughing fit...
I'm sitting here typing the previous post while the kids color behind me and all of a sudden Owen goes upstairs and then comes back down in a black Darth Vader suit, a black cape, and a red Spiderman mask and says to me:
"If anyone asks for Owen tell them he doesn't live here ANYMORE!"
And proceeds to not break eye contact or character...
Really just phenomenal work on his part.
I'm sitting here typing the previous post while the kids color behind me and all of a sudden Owen goes upstairs and then comes back down in a black Darth Vader suit, a black cape, and a red Spiderman mask and says to me:
"If anyone asks for Owen tell them he doesn't live here ANYMORE!"
And proceeds to not break eye contact or character...
Really just phenomenal work on his part.
Day 50 - I Deliver On A Promise
The kids have completed a total clean-up of the kitchen/Sun room/Breakfast Nook area (I mean it's spotless) so I have to give them what I promised: a drawing each.
For whatever reason, I'm not a fan of drawing them X-Men figures...I like drawing them pictures that require them to color different objects and such...Plus it's way more enjoyable for me.
When I draw them these X-Men figures they get annoyed when things are slightly off...and then I tell them I'm not Bob Ross...followed by blank stares because they don't know who Bob Ross is...so I try explaining to them who Bob Ross is...Only they don't care about Bob Ross...and then I just tell them they can either have it or they can go without one...
They always take the drawing. I mean, it's not as if I didn't try...These aren't stick figures I'm drawing here...
Either way, I probably draw one daily but its just one of those aspects of the job you don't like doing but you do...
So, as follows, is the conversation we had:
V: "Alright guys, way to go! Put 'em up!(High fives for all 3) Now, since you guys were so good...I'm going to draw you each a picture..."
CW's: "YEAAAAAAAAAH"
E: "V-V-Victa, you know what I wan't you to draw me?"
O: "And me!?"
V: Actually I think I do...Ethan, I bet you want Rogue and Owen I think you want the orange Wolverine...Right?"
E: "Yep! You shore are!"
O: Smiles
V: "Summer, what do you want?"
S: "Um um uhhhh ahh Bictor, I want a pwincess."
V: "A princess? Done. Alright, what color paper?"
S: "Pupple"
V: "Alright...and boys?"
O: "Brown!"
E: "Uhhh (turns to Owen) Does skin color come up good on rwed, Owen? (Owen says that it does) OK! I want rwed!"
S: "Atchally Bictor I want a pit-cher of me in this pwetty dwess"
V: "You just want a picture of yourself in that dress?"
S: "Uhhh ye-yeah but with Owen and with Ethan too..."
V: "Alright..."
And then I started to draw.
For whatever reason, I'm not a fan of drawing them X-Men figures...I like drawing them pictures that require them to color different objects and such...Plus it's way more enjoyable for me.
When I draw them these X-Men figures they get annoyed when things are slightly off...and then I tell them I'm not Bob Ross...followed by blank stares because they don't know who Bob Ross is...so I try explaining to them who Bob Ross is...Only they don't care about Bob Ross...and then I just tell them they can either have it or they can go without one...
They always take the drawing. I mean, it's not as if I didn't try...These aren't stick figures I'm drawing here...
Either way, I probably draw one daily but its just one of those aspects of the job you don't like doing but you do...
So, as follows, is the conversation we had:
V: "Alright guys, way to go! Put 'em up!(High fives for all 3) Now, since you guys were so good...I'm going to draw you each a picture..."
CW's: "YEAAAAAAAAAH"
E: "V-V-Victa, you know what I wan't you to draw me?"
O: "And me!?"
V: Actually I think I do...Ethan, I bet you want Rogue and Owen I think you want the orange Wolverine...Right?"
E: "Yep! You shore are!"
O: Smiles
V: "Summer, what do you want?"
S: "Um um uhhhh ahh Bictor, I want a pwincess."
V: "A princess? Done. Alright, what color paper?"
S: "Pupple"
V: "Alright...and boys?"
O: "Brown!"
E: "Uhhh (turns to Owen) Does skin color come up good on rwed, Owen? (Owen says that it does) OK! I want rwed!"
S: "Atchally Bictor I want a pit-cher of me in this pwetty dwess"
V: "You just want a picture of yourself in that dress?"
S: "Uhhh ye-yeah but with Owen and with Ethan too..."
V: "Alright..."
And then I started to draw.
Day 50 - The Performance
WOWOWOWOWOWOW
First of all, let me just say I had tears during this performance. Not tears of joy...CEO & I were just laughing that hard.
Now, I need to say something...We might be 31 and 25 respectively, but if you put the CEO & I in a packed room together we're going to whisper to each other like we're 13...Sorry, that's just how it's going to go.
So to the lady running the show: I'm sorry two grown men were in your audience whispering and laughing with one another and being kind of disrespectful....I apologize.
However, I will NOT take it back. I had a blast today...
Much to my chagrin, I did not get video of the performance as I sincerely hoped to do. That said, the school will provide a DVD of the performance soon enough and when that day comes it's going on the blog.
For now...the highlights:
- Lady is talking about the performance we're about to thoroughly enjoy. CEO & I discuss the chances Brett Favre will un-retire...Again.
- Lady begins playing that "I've got the whole world...in my hands" song. Kids begin to file in.
- Owen & Ethan come into focus. Owen is staring straight ahead at the kid he's following in the single file line. He's obviously holding back a smile and refuses to acknowledge his mother, grandmother, Miss Kaci, his father or myself.
- Ethan jumps out of line. Hugs his mom ("biiig huuuug") and then waves at everyone. Closes out with "Hey Victa Victa!" in a deeper voice than normal.
- Ethan runs as fast as possible to rejoin Owen nearly clipping 15 kids along the way.
- Notice the kid's mom in front of me who looks like an actress whose name I seem to have forgotten. Notice her wedding band. Begin talking to the CEO about what we're about watch.
- Kids are all situated in their exact spot. I'm pretty sure Mrs. Hickman had her kids all lined up first. Way to go Mrs. Hickman!
- Performance starts. Classic. The video is beyond necessary because after each song Ethan would start quietly clapping almost like a human applause sign. The only way I knew the songs were over was when Ethan would do this...They played probably 8 songs...All of them had various motions and such. My favorites were: "Take me out to the ballgame," "I got the whole world," and "Apples and Bananas." (By the way, a video to this song will be at the end of this post...I urge you to watch it because it's way too happy a song to miss)
- Randomly in songs Ethan is doing his X-Men hands up motion he does...Which is cracking the CEO & I up in a big way. Owen looks entirely too cool for school. At one point some kid who looked like MJ off of MTV's Real World/Road Rules Duel started to talk to Owen and he all but put his fingers over the kids mouth.
After the performance, Ethan hopped out of line once again to talk to us and ended with another enthusiastic "Victa Victa" which made me happy...Kind of like yesterday when I went to leave and Owen ran across the yard yelling "wait" so he could give me a hug...Are you kidding?! Of course I'd wait.
And on that note I'm going to end this post before I get into the part of the day when Mrs. Hickman started to try and hook me up with another teachers daughter...Mrs. Hickman, you sly thing you...
PS- Don't forget to come out for Garrett's "performance" if you can...Thanks folks...
First of all, let me just say I had tears during this performance. Not tears of joy...CEO & I were just laughing that hard.
Now, I need to say something...We might be 31 and 25 respectively, but if you put the CEO & I in a packed room together we're going to whisper to each other like we're 13...Sorry, that's just how it's going to go.
So to the lady running the show: I'm sorry two grown men were in your audience whispering and laughing with one another and being kind of disrespectful....I apologize.
However, I will NOT take it back. I had a blast today...
Much to my chagrin, I did not get video of the performance as I sincerely hoped to do. That said, the school will provide a DVD of the performance soon enough and when that day comes it's going on the blog.
For now...the highlights:
- Lady is talking about the performance we're about to thoroughly enjoy. CEO & I discuss the chances Brett Favre will un-retire...Again.
- Lady begins playing that "I've got the whole world...in my hands" song. Kids begin to file in.
- Owen & Ethan come into focus. Owen is staring straight ahead at the kid he's following in the single file line. He's obviously holding back a smile and refuses to acknowledge his mother, grandmother, Miss Kaci, his father or myself.
- Ethan jumps out of line. Hugs his mom ("biiig huuuug") and then waves at everyone. Closes out with "Hey Victa Victa!" in a deeper voice than normal.
- Ethan runs as fast as possible to rejoin Owen nearly clipping 15 kids along the way.
- Notice the kid's mom in front of me who looks like an actress whose name I seem to have forgotten. Notice her wedding band. Begin talking to the CEO about what we're about watch.
- Kids are all situated in their exact spot. I'm pretty sure Mrs. Hickman had her kids all lined up first. Way to go Mrs. Hickman!
- Performance starts. Classic. The video is beyond necessary because after each song Ethan would start quietly clapping almost like a human applause sign. The only way I knew the songs were over was when Ethan would do this...They played probably 8 songs...All of them had various motions and such. My favorites were: "Take me out to the ballgame," "I got the whole world," and "Apples and Bananas." (By the way, a video to this song will be at the end of this post...I urge you to watch it because it's way too happy a song to miss)
- Randomly in songs Ethan is doing his X-Men hands up motion he does...Which is cracking the CEO & I up in a big way. Owen looks entirely too cool for school. At one point some kid who looked like MJ off of MTV's Real World/Road Rules Duel started to talk to Owen and he all but put his fingers over the kids mouth.
After the performance, Ethan hopped out of line once again to talk to us and ended with another enthusiastic "Victa Victa" which made me happy...Kind of like yesterday when I went to leave and Owen ran across the yard yelling "wait" so he could give me a hug...Are you kidding?! Of course I'd wait.
And on that note I'm going to end this post before I get into the part of the day when Mrs. Hickman started to try and hook me up with another teachers daughter...Mrs. Hickman, you sly thing you...
PS- Don't forget to come out for Garrett's "performance" if you can...Thanks folks...
Day 50 - Break A Leg Thursday
Man...50 days! Plus, I'm pushing 300 posts now which is wild to me...
However, we have bigger fish to fry. Today is a huge day. Why?
Because the KIDS have a Spring performance!
Now, before I delve deeper into this whole "Kids Broadway" thing...I want to explain what they were wearing today.
Both Ethan and Owen looked very casual cool. Kind of like Matt Damon in The Talented Mr. Ripley (when he's on the boat...) with freshly ironed khaki shorts and a crisp white Polo...polo (Is that what you say or is just a Polo and that implies its a polo shirt? Can I get the right answer from someone reading this? Thanks)
You know who these two looked like? Ryan Philippe in White Squall (minus the part where he pees on himself...they didn't do that)...
[Side Note: I don't get it. These kids own more Polo than Ralph Lauren. It's absurd. I'm 25 and I hope one day to own as much Polo as them...Ridiculous! Where do the bosses find all this miniature Polo garb, anyway?]
Summer? Oh she looked pretty as a peach in a white sun dress type of thingamajigger...And when I told her this she beamed. That kid is a ham for compliments not attention.
Anyway, I have no idea what to expect from this performance...I'm hoping it's very theatrical and intricate but because I haven't heard the kids mention it once while hanging out with them I have a feeling it might get crazy...
Back in a bit...(And people...come out to Garrett's show tonight...gahlee)
However, we have bigger fish to fry. Today is a huge day. Why?
Because the KIDS have a Spring performance!
Now, before I delve deeper into this whole "Kids Broadway" thing...I want to explain what they were wearing today.
Both Ethan and Owen looked very casual cool. Kind of like Matt Damon in The Talented Mr. Ripley (when he's on the boat...) with freshly ironed khaki shorts and a crisp white Polo...polo (Is that what you say or is just a Polo and that implies its a polo shirt? Can I get the right answer from someone reading this? Thanks)
You know who these two looked like? Ryan Philippe in White Squall (minus the part where he pees on himself...they didn't do that)...
[Side Note: I don't get it. These kids own more Polo than Ralph Lauren. It's absurd. I'm 25 and I hope one day to own as much Polo as them...Ridiculous! Where do the bosses find all this miniature Polo garb, anyway?]
Summer? Oh she looked pretty as a peach in a white sun dress type of thingamajigger...And when I told her this she beamed. That kid is a ham for compliments not attention.
Anyway, I have no idea what to expect from this performance...I'm hoping it's very theatrical and intricate but because I haven't heard the kids mention it once while hanging out with them I have a feeling it might get crazy...
Back in a bit...(And people...come out to Garrett's show tonight...gahlee)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Day 49 - GARRETT
Since Garrett has attained his own level of notoriety off this blog...I figure I should keep fanning the flames.
I'm going to get an email or text message from him in a few minutes asking me to pull this post down but once its posted it's too late.
[UPDATE: NEW POLL UP ON THE RIGHT]
[UPDATE 2: You people answering "NO" better be from outside of the 804 or else that's just plain cold blooded]
So here goes:
What: Garrett Whitlow will be playing a live acoustic set with the singer of gill and a good friend of ours, Eli Webb.
When: Thursday April 30th (Tomorrow) from 8PM - 11PM
Where: The Halligan Bar & Grill, Richmond VA (3 North 17th Street...Down in the Bottom)
Why: Because if nothing else I'll be there and Garewet will be there and yeah...what more do you need? OH...and because the bar looks like this (seriously)
I'm going to get an email or text message from him in a few minutes asking me to pull this post down but once its posted it's too late.
[UPDATE: NEW POLL UP ON THE RIGHT]
[UPDATE 2: You people answering "NO" better be from outside of the 804 or else that's just plain cold blooded]
So here goes:
What: Garrett Whitlow will be playing a live acoustic set with the singer of gill and a good friend of ours, Eli Webb.
When: Thursday April 30th (Tomorrow) from 8PM - 11PM
Where: The Halligan Bar & Grill, Richmond VA (3 North 17th Street...Down in the Bottom)
Why: Because if nothing else I'll be there and Garewet will be there and yeah...what more do you need? OH...and because the bar looks like this (seriously)
Day 49 - B-O-R-I-N-G
Kids are bored. I'm bored. But we aren't doing anything crazy.
We went wild yesterday and I just don't think we can take another big day like that...There is talk of going to see Kenny Loggins (yes, THAT Kenny Loggins...) and I need to save my everngy...
Personal Back Pat Moment: Yesterday the CFO came home from work and told me I looked tired and it felt good...It's like having dirt on your pants at the end of a baseball game or blood on your hands at the end of a date...What?
[Let's be clear: Huge joke. I seriously do NOT condone killing your date or anyone else...So please don't read this and then kill someone and blame it on me because I do not have the time nor am I interested in dealing with something heavy like that...]
Back to the story...
So as I type this I'm eating some pretzels (delicious) and watching Owen & Summer driving their mini Jeep around the backyard...It's extra funny to me when Owen is riding shotgun because he look real cool and relaxed...
[Update] They're on the swings...Owen just gave Summer a couple pushes to start her up...Way to go buddy!
Lunch in a bit. Probably some coloring. Maybe some Bruster's for .99 cent kid sundae's a little bit after that...and then we might get a little nutty and run by my sister Ana's high school to view her art exhibit...Apparently she paints? (I'm kidding, she's actually very good...)
However, if Summer wants to nap today then my plans could change...
We went wild yesterday and I just don't think we can take another big day like that...There is talk of going to see Kenny Loggins (yes, THAT Kenny Loggins...) and I need to save my everngy...
Personal Back Pat Moment: Yesterday the CFO came home from work and told me I looked tired and it felt good...It's like having dirt on your pants at the end of a baseball game or blood on your hands at the end of a date...What?
[Let's be clear: Huge joke. I seriously do NOT condone killing your date or anyone else...So please don't read this and then kill someone and blame it on me because I do not have the time nor am I interested in dealing with something heavy like that...]
Back to the story...
So as I type this I'm eating some pretzels (delicious) and watching Owen & Summer driving their mini Jeep around the backyard...It's extra funny to me when Owen is riding shotgun because he look real cool and relaxed...
[Update] They're on the swings...Owen just gave Summer a couple pushes to start her up...Way to go buddy!
Lunch in a bit. Probably some coloring. Maybe some Bruster's for .99 cent kid sundae's a little bit after that...and then we might get a little nutty and run by my sister Ana's high school to view her art exhibit...Apparently she paints? (I'm kidding, she's actually very good...)
However, if Summer wants to nap today then my plans could change...
Day 49 - Great Start
First off, I was a bit late this morning. Not in relation to every other morning, mind you.
Rather, I simply arrived at 8:20 the morning my impressive and intimidating CEO requested I arrive at 8:15.
Do I now have the mark of four fingers on my cheek? I do.
And you punks thought my job was all easy going, hunky dory fun. It's like any job. Only I don't have a union or an HR department to cover me...
So I woke up a bit angry after last nights Boston Celtics v. Chicago Bulls playoff game...For the record, I'm a big Bulls fan and have been since childhood so I have strong feelings here and I am furious...Mainly because I really don't like the Celtics but especially because the Celtics PG Rajon Rondo went all Mike Tyson's Punch Out on one of Chicago's token white guys...
(To be clear: This is not a race issue. This is a "Hey you punched that guy in the mouth and you didn't get in trouble!" issue)
But that anger has given way to a slight bit of happiness since PayPal has decided I won my dispute. The dispute involved the purchase of a pair of Reebok's that looked like someone spilled a box of Trix on them...Only Jawanna Scott never sent them to me while conveniently charging my card. While I am truly bummed out that I never got these Reebok's (Which were amazing) I am happy to get my $50 back.
So what else can I discuss? Oh yeah, you guys like to read about the kids.
No one is going to school today. Ethan has a doctors appointment that his Meemaw is taking him to (Jackpot! Taking the kids to the doctors is terrible). Summer is off today. Owen decided he didn't want to go to school without Ethan...Because they're 4 and not 14 the bosses let this happen.
Now I'm trying to figure out what to do all day...
Oh, by the way folks...Got my first email from a lady who followed the instructions I laid out in a very early post called "The Explanation" and she is 5'6, 120lbs, brown hair, and brown eyes...and I'm just happy one girl finally succumbed! Will anything come of this email? No, mainly because I operate on a "Don't Do Anything That Could Result In Your Being Murdered Craiglist Style" mindset. Do you know how mad my mom (and employers) would be if I got killed trying to get a drink with a girl? NO THANKS.
Also, if you're wondering whats going on with that other blog for Richmond.com...I don't know...I sent in samples and am waiting to hear back although I can admit my samples may have pushed the envelope a bit...so we will see...
Rather, I simply arrived at 8:20 the morning my impressive and intimidating CEO requested I arrive at 8:15.
Do I now have the mark of four fingers on my cheek? I do.
And you punks thought my job was all easy going, hunky dory fun. It's like any job. Only I don't have a union or an HR department to cover me...
So I woke up a bit angry after last nights Boston Celtics v. Chicago Bulls playoff game...For the record, I'm a big Bulls fan and have been since childhood so I have strong feelings here and I am furious...Mainly because I really don't like the Celtics but especially because the Celtics PG Rajon Rondo went all Mike Tyson's Punch Out on one of Chicago's token white guys...
(To be clear: This is not a race issue. This is a "Hey you punched that guy in the mouth and you didn't get in trouble!" issue)
But that anger has given way to a slight bit of happiness since PayPal has decided I won my dispute. The dispute involved the purchase of a pair of Reebok's that looked like someone spilled a box of Trix on them...Only Jawanna Scott never sent them to me while conveniently charging my card. While I am truly bummed out that I never got these Reebok's (Which were amazing) I am happy to get my $50 back.
So what else can I discuss? Oh yeah, you guys like to read about the kids.
No one is going to school today. Ethan has a doctors appointment that his Meemaw is taking him to (Jackpot! Taking the kids to the doctors is terrible). Summer is off today. Owen decided he didn't want to go to school without Ethan...Because they're 4 and not 14 the bosses let this happen.
Now I'm trying to figure out what to do all day...
Oh, by the way folks...Got my first email from a lady who followed the instructions I laid out in a very early post called "The Explanation" and she is 5'6, 120lbs, brown hair, and brown eyes...and I'm just happy one girl finally succumbed! Will anything come of this email? No, mainly because I operate on a "Don't Do Anything That Could Result In Your Being Murdered Craiglist Style" mindset. Do you know how mad my mom (and employers) would be if I got killed trying to get a drink with a girl? NO THANKS.
Also, if you're wondering whats going on with that other blog for Richmond.com...I don't know...I sent in samples and am waiting to hear back although I can admit my samples may have pushed the envelope a bit...so we will see...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Day 48 - Summer Pinkie Promises
We've had a big day so we may as well blow it out of the water and go get one of these free baby cones at Bruster's...
I told Summer...but I told her if she tells anyone else we wont go.
She is positively terrified of telling the boys but is too excited to not talk about it a little bit...So she just keeps whispering questions to me...
It's hilarious how careful she's being...she has attached herself to my side in an effort to not accidentally mention our upcoming trip.
I told Summer...but I told her if she tells anyone else we wont go.
She is positively terrified of telling the boys but is too excited to not talk about it a little bit...So she just keeps whispering questions to me...
It's hilarious how careful she's being...she has attached herself to my side in an effort to not accidentally mention our upcoming trip.
Day 48 - This Is Amazing
I don't regret this idea at all...
These kids are acting ridiculous out there...Plus the kids pool I bought them comes with waterproof crayons for the kids to color the pool in...
So now we have that going on plus the sprinkler...
By the way, putting suntan lotion on 3 kids sucks...
These kids are acting ridiculous out there...Plus the kids pool I bought them comes with waterproof crayons for the kids to color the pool in...
So now we have that going on plus the sprinkler...
By the way, putting suntan lotion on 3 kids sucks...
Day 48 - Sorry
You're probably wondering why I haven't posted yet today...and, frankly, I don't have a reason.
I dropped the kids off at school and I went home to lay around...
However, I did learn that Ethan & Owen's teacher Mrs. Hickman is now a reader of the blog. This concerns me slightly as it reduces the possibility I can make any jokes about the school.
Not that I would ever have any reason to, Mrs. Hickman.
Anyway, after school I took them to this place near the office called Ollie's which is basically a dusty store full of things that are - for one reason or another - discounted...Some to a laughable degree.
Somehow I went in to buy coloring books and I walked out with coloring books, a movie (for me), a kids inflatable pool ($5.99? Are you kidding? SOLD), and beef jerky...I feel like I blacked out for a significant portion of that trip.
Now that we've finished eating, we're going to inflate this pool and fill it up...and then I'll probably regret my decision in about 5-10 minutes...
I dropped the kids off at school and I went home to lay around...
However, I did learn that Ethan & Owen's teacher Mrs. Hickman is now a reader of the blog. This concerns me slightly as it reduces the possibility I can make any jokes about the school.
Not that I would ever have any reason to, Mrs. Hickman.
Anyway, after school I took them to this place near the office called Ollie's which is basically a dusty store full of things that are - for one reason or another - discounted...Some to a laughable degree.
Somehow I went in to buy coloring books and I walked out with coloring books, a movie (for me), a kids inflatable pool ($5.99? Are you kidding? SOLD), and beef jerky...I feel like I blacked out for a significant portion of that trip.
Now that we've finished eating, we're going to inflate this pool and fill it up...and then I'll probably regret my decision in about 5-10 minutes...
Monday, April 27, 2009
Day 47 - The Big News
I'm seriously considering selling Mr. Nanny Blog t-shirts...
My idea includes one of the following:
A) Individual kid t-shirts like those Team Aniston/Team Jolie shirts girls wore a few years back...Say, Green for Owen, Blue for Ethan and Pink for Summer complete with a photo of each kid.
or
B) All 3 kids in one single picture on a t-shirt with a witty slogan...
Since I'm poor I figured this would be a cool way to make some extra cash...but I also promised the CEO & CFO that 50% of the profit will go to a charity of their choosing...I'll even post a picture of the check I write.
As for me making money on this, don't judge...As my friend Matt said:
"Hey man, I don't see a job in your immediate future so you might want to milk this all you can.."
However, I need to know if people would even WANT a t-shirt with the kids on it before I make an investment costing me hundreds of dollars.
I'm sure you can understand.
So go ahead and vote on the poll to the right and let me know what you're thinking.
Thanks.
My idea includes one of the following:
A) Individual kid t-shirts like those Team Aniston/Team Jolie shirts girls wore a few years back...Say, Green for Owen, Blue for Ethan and Pink for Summer complete with a photo of each kid.
or
B) All 3 kids in one single picture on a t-shirt with a witty slogan...
Since I'm poor I figured this would be a cool way to make some extra cash...but I also promised the CEO & CFO that 50% of the profit will go to a charity of their choosing...I'll even post a picture of the check I write.
As for me making money on this, don't judge...As my friend Matt said:
"Hey man, I don't see a job in your immediate future so you might want to milk this all you can.."
However, I need to know if people would even WANT a t-shirt with the kids on it before I make an investment costing me hundreds of dollars.
I'm sure you can understand.
So go ahead and vote on the poll to the right and let me know what you're thinking.
Thanks.
47 - FAKEOUT
Remember that cool lunch we were going to enjoy at my grandmother's place?
She canceled on us.
My grandmother, the mother of my mother, bailed on us...
Tell you what, if she bailed on us to go play cards like she did when I graduated high school we're going to have some serious beef.
She canceled on us.
My grandmother, the mother of my mother, bailed on us...
Tell you what, if she bailed on us to go play cards like she did when I graduated high school we're going to have some serious beef.
Day 47 - Big News
Later today I will be making a post detailing something huge that will be happening fairly soon...
It will require your involvement...But in the end you will be stoked...
Basically, you should be excited to hear the news.
V
It will require your involvement...But in the end you will be stoked...
Basically, you should be excited to hear the news.
V
Day 47 - Big Plans
Today we're grabbing lunch at my grandmothers house...
The kids like this because its different.
Abuela (my grandmother) likes this because she loves kids and once we hit the age of 10 she's over us so we gotta get them in there before their Abuela time is up.
I like this because my grandmother cooks well...and because I just sit there drinking 8oz Coca-Cola Classics that are ice cold.
Needless to say, I'm really excited about this trip minus our walking there because seat belts are still busted...
The kids like this because its different.
Abuela (my grandmother) likes this because she loves kids and once we hit the age of 10 she's over us so we gotta get them in there before their Abuela time is up.
I like this because my grandmother cooks well...and because I just sit there drinking 8oz Coca-Cola Classics that are ice cold.
Needless to say, I'm really excited about this trip minus our walking there because seat belts are still busted...
Friday, April 24, 2009
Day 46 - The Park Trip
As I stated earlier, we took a little trip to a local park.
The sole purpose of this trip was to feed the ducks at the lake within the park.
Do you have any idea how many ducks call this lake home? Or how close every single one of them was willing to get?
I won't lie - I freaked out.
What would you (or Jesus for that matter) have done if you had 3 kids all 40 inches tall or shorter (I know this now because Bruster's has a height chart by the counter) standing face to face with ducks looking for food?
I was whipping bread around left and right...meanwhile because the ducks have come up out of the water and across the trail people are annoyed because there's literally 25 ducks crowding around us...
So, as I kind of said, I panicked and got rid of the bread and we got out of there...The last thing I need is a kid being attacked by a duck.
However, we did get to see 2 baby ducks in addition to only one duck that was totally white - which looked awesome compared to the others...
After all that the kids were worn out so we grabbed some slurpee's and came home...
The sole purpose of this trip was to feed the ducks at the lake within the park.
Do you have any idea how many ducks call this lake home? Or how close every single one of them was willing to get?
I won't lie - I freaked out.
What would you (or Jesus for that matter) have done if you had 3 kids all 40 inches tall or shorter (I know this now because Bruster's has a height chart by the counter) standing face to face with ducks looking for food?
I was whipping bread around left and right...meanwhile because the ducks have come up out of the water and across the trail people are annoyed because there's literally 25 ducks crowding around us...
So, as I kind of said, I panicked and got rid of the bread and we got out of there...The last thing I need is a kid being attacked by a duck.
However, we did get to see 2 baby ducks in addition to only one duck that was totally white - which looked awesome compared to the others...
After all that the kids were worn out so we grabbed some slurpee's and came home...
Day 46 - Haircut
So we went to "the shop" as I've called whatever hair salon my Mom works in since I was a little kid...It's easier than saying "Holy Nails & Hair" or "Hair Today Gone Tadaaa" although I should say my mom's place of employment has a fairly normal name...I'm just poking fun at all hair salons.
I think if I had a my own salon I'd name it "The Hair Up There" in reference to the fact we cut hair and also as a nod to a fantastic yet heavily overlooked Kevin Bacon film "the Air Up There" which, if you haven't seen, you should definitely look into. I give it 3 kids up.
Anyway, while I got my haircut the kids were instructed to hangout in the waiting area and peruse old volumes of Paul Mitchell hair designs...Which is sweet because I can't figure out why my Mom or her colleagues would hold onto these.
Really Mom? Is there EVER going to be a day where I ask you to give me an impossibly perfect bowl cut while also shaving three triangles into the back of my hairline?
While the haircut was being administered I was keeping an eye on the kids via the many mirrors located within the building...Which was great because I got to see Ethan & Owen greet people as they walked in...My favorite was the really old man named Chip who got high fives from both of them.
I was genuinely proud...
At the end, they got a tootsie pop each and then I paid my Mom - with a hug and a kiss on the cheek - and we rolled out...
On the way home, I decided to stop at Ukrops and grab myself a salad so I would eat a bit better today...Now, there was nothing special to report about that trip except for when we left and Summer, in the process of walking to her side of the car, clocked herself right on the side mirror of the Volvo parked next to us.
Naturally, I laugh and told her to watch out...Then repeated this statement to the boys...
Then I call Owen over...
And he DRILLS his head on the same side mirror.
I give up.
Anyway, I'm going to leave this post with a little taste of "The Air Up There" gahlee what a great movie...
I think if I had a my own salon I'd name it "The Hair Up There" in reference to the fact we cut hair and also as a nod to a fantastic yet heavily overlooked Kevin Bacon film "the Air Up There" which, if you haven't seen, you should definitely look into. I give it 3 kids up.
Anyway, while I got my haircut the kids were instructed to hangout in the waiting area and peruse old volumes of Paul Mitchell hair designs...Which is sweet because I can't figure out why my Mom or her colleagues would hold onto these.
Really Mom? Is there EVER going to be a day where I ask you to give me an impossibly perfect bowl cut while also shaving three triangles into the back of my hairline?
While the haircut was being administered I was keeping an eye on the kids via the many mirrors located within the building...Which was great because I got to see Ethan & Owen greet people as they walked in...My favorite was the really old man named Chip who got high fives from both of them.
I was genuinely proud...
At the end, they got a tootsie pop each and then I paid my Mom - with a hug and a kiss on the cheek - and we rolled out...
On the way home, I decided to stop at Ukrops and grab myself a salad so I would eat a bit better today...Now, there was nothing special to report about that trip except for when we left and Summer, in the process of walking to her side of the car, clocked herself right on the side mirror of the Volvo parked next to us.
Naturally, I laugh and told her to watch out...Then repeated this statement to the boys...
Then I call Owen over...
And he DRILLS his head on the same side mirror.
I give up.
Anyway, I'm going to leave this post with a little taste of "The Air Up There" gahlee what a great movie...
Day 46 - Back to the Salon
I need a haircut since I resemble a Q-Tip.
Kids are gonna hangout, watch, and eat a lollipop.
Back in a bit...
Kids are gonna hangout, watch, and eat a lollipop.
Back in a bit...
Day 46 - Apologies
So first off, I'm sorry I've been so boring this week.
Now, I don't know why exactly I'm apologizing since this is free entertainment to the 11 of you reading but still...I feel somewhat bad I haven't been stronger on the blog front this week.
I think part of the reason is because so many of you were kind enough to let me know you enjoyed last Friday to the point I decided I had to hit the brakes...
Like my Stepdad always says "Show it to 'em and take it away..."
Now, I don't know why exactly I'm apologizing since this is free entertainment to the 11 of you reading but still...I feel somewhat bad I haven't been stronger on the blog front this week.
I think part of the reason is because so many of you were kind enough to let me know you enjoyed last Friday to the point I decided I had to hit the brakes...
Like my Stepdad always says "Show it to 'em and take it away..."
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Day 45 - Abuela To The Rescue
I have to go pick my stepdad up from the airport.
As a result, we called in the backup - my grandmother "Abuela" - to watch the kids...
See yall tomorrow.
As a result, we called in the backup - my grandmother "Abuela" - to watch the kids...
See yall tomorrow.
Day 45 - Another Trip to Bruster's
So does it make me a bad person if I start abusing the "under the counter gets free ice cream" rule?
Maybe, but if they're willing to do it I should be willing to take them up on their offer.
Plus, I always buy something for myself...
Off we go.
Maybe, but if they're willing to do it I should be willing to take them up on their offer.
Plus, I always buy something for myself...
Off we go.
Day 45 - The Afternoon
So we were supposed to swing by the boss man's office today since it's "Bring Your Kids To Work" Day...
However, we shifted gears when the boss found out he would be stuck in some meetings. Sorry people who were all excited to see the kids...Keep dreaming.
Anyway, instead, swung by the Blockbuster where they got some new flicks and then we came home, knocked out some lunch and have been playing X-Men and such...
Although Owen did chastise me for not drawing more for them...But I personally think drawing is boring.
Now we're running outside to do some swinging...
However, we shifted gears when the boss found out he would be stuck in some meetings. Sorry people who were all excited to see the kids...Keep dreaming.
Anyway, instead, swung by the Blockbuster where they got some new flicks and then we came home, knocked out some lunch and have been playing X-Men and such...
Although Owen did chastise me for not drawing more for them...But I personally think drawing is boring.
Now we're running outside to do some swinging...
Day 45 - Awesome Start All In Questions
Did I walk into the office this morning at 8:25 only to find Summer eating a bag of popcorn?
Yes
Did Ethan ask me to draw him a picture of the X-Men as he does every morning?
Yes
Did Owen put on a Darth Vader mask and whack me in the nuts with his light saber?
Yes
Was I mad?
Not at all
Did I take the kids to school?
Yes
Did their teacher, Mrs. Hickman, make my day simply by telling me that I've caused "quite a stir" at the school and that she's had a few women who work there asking questions about me?
YES
Is it pathetic this made me as excited as it did?
Yes
Did Mrs. Hickman say all these are either married women with children or teachers at the school with kids in college?
Unfortunately, Yes
Am I still going to provide Mrs. Hickman a personal bio with all relevant details about me?
Absolutely
Did I take my car to a mechanic who used the word sh*t about 27 times in a 5 minute conversation?
Yes
Did I love the guy because I like people who look and act the part?
Yes
Did he tell me he would also give me a "ghetto" door handle when he noticed I had ripped mine off?
Yes
Does said "ghetto" door handle consist of a plastic zip tie (the kind riot cops use to handcuff unruly people) looped through my existing door handle?
Yes
Do I care?
Not really
Am I at home now, working on my bio for Mrs. Hickman?
Quite possibly...and by "quite possibly" I mean you can bet your bottom dollar I am.
Yes
Did Ethan ask me to draw him a picture of the X-Men as he does every morning?
Yes
Did Owen put on a Darth Vader mask and whack me in the nuts with his light saber?
Yes
Was I mad?
Not at all
Did I take the kids to school?
Yes
Did their teacher, Mrs. Hickman, make my day simply by telling me that I've caused "quite a stir" at the school and that she's had a few women who work there asking questions about me?
YES
Is it pathetic this made me as excited as it did?
Yes
Did Mrs. Hickman say all these are either married women with children or teachers at the school with kids in college?
Unfortunately, Yes
Am I still going to provide Mrs. Hickman a personal bio with all relevant details about me?
Absolutely
Did I take my car to a mechanic who used the word sh*t about 27 times in a 5 minute conversation?
Yes
Did I love the guy because I like people who look and act the part?
Yes
Did he tell me he would also give me a "ghetto" door handle when he noticed I had ripped mine off?
Yes
Does said "ghetto" door handle consist of a plastic zip tie (the kind riot cops use to handcuff unruly people) looped through my existing door handle?
Yes
Do I care?
Not really
Am I at home now, working on my bio for Mrs. Hickman?
Quite possibly...and by "quite possibly" I mean you can bet your bottom dollar I am.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Day 44 - Facial
Summer asked me why I was microwaving my coffee...
I told her it was because it got cold...
"Bictor...if yoll coffee got cold then too bad so sad!"
I told her it was because it got cold...
"Bictor...if yoll coffee got cold then too bad so sad!"
Day 44 - The Morning
I'm driving my sisters car again today.
You know what? I now know why moms prefer larger vehicles when transporting kids...It's about 30 times easier to do the stuff you need to do. I haven't hit a single head on the door frames yet!
Anyway, we spent the ride to school calling one another by our new nicknames:
Owen is "Mr. Peanut Butter Jelly" (in reference to his love of PB&J's)
Ethan is (as you already know) Hot Dog Diggity Dog (if I have to explain this to you just stop reading...seriously)
Summer is Princess Mousehead (We were all joking and I told her I was going to put her in either Owen or Ethan's backpack and then when they get to school she would jump out and yell "TAAADDDDAAAA." She said this wouldn't work because her head was big. I said it was small like a mouse...yadda yadda yadda she loves princesses yadda yadda yadda you figured out the rest)
Now she and I are home watching Barbie's Swan Lake which I forgot to return on Sunday...so oh well...
By the way, I probably wont post too much today as I will soon have a blog on www.Richmond.com concerning dating & nightlife. Yeah, they asked me to do this...Which is hilarious. Actually, if you really want to be a peach go ahead and send me some dating or nightlife questions to Mrnannyblog@gmail.com as well as Manny questions - I would be incredibly grateful...Get crazy with it - just ask me something that I can use, I'd really like to become the male "Dear Abby" because that would be a LOT better than some of the other crap I could end up doing...I guess the ultimate goal would be to end up like this guy only way less dirty...Anyway, the point is I have to provide 3 samples to them by today and I'm trying to figure out what to say.
So feel free to help me out because I know some of you who read this blog and I KNOW you have some questions you might ask me anyways...Not because I'm good with women but mainly because I have nothing else going on...Alright so just come up with a cool name like Cold in Chicago did and we're off and running...
Thanks!
And on that note - I'm leaving you guys with a very nice email I got from my Mom this morning:
THANKS MOM, LOVE YOU TOO.
You know what? I now know why moms prefer larger vehicles when transporting kids...It's about 30 times easier to do the stuff you need to do. I haven't hit a single head on the door frames yet!
Anyway, we spent the ride to school calling one another by our new nicknames:
Owen is "Mr. Peanut Butter Jelly" (in reference to his love of PB&J's)
Ethan is (as you already know) Hot Dog Diggity Dog (if I have to explain this to you just stop reading...seriously)
Summer is Princess Mousehead (We were all joking and I told her I was going to put her in either Owen or Ethan's backpack and then when they get to school she would jump out and yell "TAAADDDDAAAA." She said this wouldn't work because her head was big. I said it was small like a mouse...yadda yadda yadda she loves princesses yadda yadda yadda you figured out the rest)
Now she and I are home watching Barbie's Swan Lake which I forgot to return on Sunday...so oh well...
By the way, I probably wont post too much today as I will soon have a blog on www.Richmond.com concerning dating & nightlife. Yeah, they asked me to do this...Which is hilarious. Actually, if you really want to be a peach go ahead and send me some dating or nightlife questions to Mrnannyblog@gmail.com as well as Manny questions - I would be incredibly grateful...Get crazy with it - just ask me something that I can use, I'd really like to become the male "Dear Abby" because that would be a LOT better than some of the other crap I could end up doing...I guess the ultimate goal would be to end up like this guy only way less dirty...Anyway, the point is I have to provide 3 samples to them by today and I'm trying to figure out what to say.
So feel free to help me out because I know some of you who read this blog and I KNOW you have some questions you might ask me anyways...Not because I'm good with women but mainly because I have nothing else going on...Alright so just come up with a cool name like Cold in Chicago did and we're off and running...
Thanks!
And on that note - I'm leaving you guys with a very nice email I got from my Mom this morning:
Hey Vic,
We have a $25 Blockbuster card that we probably won't use...So if you want it, we'll donate it to the kids movies.
Love,
Mom
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Day 43 - Ice Cream
Wow.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Did you know if you go to a Bruster's Ice Cream shop and your head isn't above the counter you get a free cone??
Well if you did - I bet you are so mad at me for telling everybody right now.
If you didn't and you have kids or are exceptionally small then go, I highly recommend it.
Anyway, we went this afternoon and each kid got their own flavor...
Owen: Strawberry
Ethan: Chocolate
Summer: Banilla
Bictor: Orange Sherbert
They were all delicious. We might even go back tomorrow for .99 cent kid sundae Wednesday...I'm pretty excited actually because the dirt sundae comes with a gummy worm!
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Did you know if you go to a Bruster's Ice Cream shop and your head isn't above the counter you get a free cone??
Well if you did - I bet you are so mad at me for telling everybody right now.
If you didn't and you have kids or are exceptionally small then go, I highly recommend it.
Anyway, we went this afternoon and each kid got their own flavor...
Owen: Strawberry
Ethan: Chocolate
Summer: Banilla
Bictor: Orange Sherbert
They were all delicious. We might even go back tomorrow for .99 cent kid sundae Wednesday...I'm pretty excited actually because the dirt sundae comes with a gummy worm!
Day 43 - Lunch Conversation
Me: "Hey guys what do you want for lunch?"
Owen: "Macaroni & Cheese!"
Summer: "Hot dowg!"
Ethan: "Hot dog!"
Me: "Ethan, if you keep eating hot dogs you're going to turn into a hot dog!"
Big laughs from the coworkers...
Ethan: "No I'm not!"
Owen: "If Ethan turns into a hot dog I'm going to call him Hot Dog Diggity Dog..."
Summer: "If...If...If...Bictor if Ethan tuns into a hot dowg, I'm gonna eat him"
Ethan (clearly alarmed): "If I turn into a hot dog I'm goin to eat you Summa, and then no more sister just one brother!"
Me: (Laughter) Alright...take it easy Hot Dog Diggity Dog..."
Summer & Owen: "OHHHH Hot Dog Diggity Dog Hot Diggity Dog!!"
Ethan: "You're Hot Dog Diggity Dog Victor!"
You get the gist...
Owen: "Macaroni & Cheese!"
Summer: "Hot dowg!"
Ethan: "Hot dog!"
Me: "Ethan, if you keep eating hot dogs you're going to turn into a hot dog!"
Big laughs from the coworkers...
Ethan: "No I'm not!"
Owen: "If Ethan turns into a hot dog I'm going to call him Hot Dog Diggity Dog..."
Summer: "If...If...If...Bictor if Ethan tuns into a hot dowg, I'm gonna eat him"
Ethan (clearly alarmed): "If I turn into a hot dog I'm goin to eat you Summa, and then no more sister just one brother!"
Me: (Laughter) Alright...take it easy Hot Dog Diggity Dog..."
Summer & Owen: "OHHHH Hot Dog Diggity Dog Hot Diggity Dog!!"
Ethan: "You're Hot Dog Diggity Dog Victor!"
You get the gist...
Day 43 - Switching Things Up
Remember how Owen went all Bruce Banner/Incredible Hulk on my car's seat belt?
Welp, because I couldn't find anyone who would fix it yesterday I had to steal my little sisters car this morning.
Literally...Out of her high schools parking lot.
What do I notice first? You mean aside from the 13 used air fresheners that she has hanging from her rear view window? Oh, just some normal 17 year old girl stuff like a canister of play-doh and a 4 pack of bubbles...
And this isn't like she bought these items for the kids because she knew I was going to borrow her car...She apparently drives around with these things all the time.
Again, she's 17...I feel like I would have been happier if I found empty packs of cigarettes or something...and yes I know that seems really ass backwards but I think you understand.
I mean, bubbles? Really?
Anyway, the kids were pretty stoked to be jumping in a different car...so that made things interesting...
Know what else was interesting about this morning? Getting my paycheck for last week and looking at the memo and seeing that the CEO wrote in "Septic Tank Removal."
Cool, like the people at the bank don't mock me and my diminutive bank account enough as it is...
But seriously, I actually laughed pretty hard.
Welp, because I couldn't find anyone who would fix it yesterday I had to steal my little sisters car this morning.
Literally...Out of her high schools parking lot.
What do I notice first? You mean aside from the 13 used air fresheners that she has hanging from her rear view window? Oh, just some normal 17 year old girl stuff like a canister of play-doh and a 4 pack of bubbles...
And this isn't like she bought these items for the kids because she knew I was going to borrow her car...She apparently drives around with these things all the time.
Again, she's 17...I feel like I would have been happier if I found empty packs of cigarettes or something...and yes I know that seems really ass backwards but I think you understand.
I mean, bubbles? Really?
Anyway, the kids were pretty stoked to be jumping in a different car...so that made things interesting...
Know what else was interesting about this morning? Getting my paycheck for last week and looking at the memo and seeing that the CEO wrote in "Septic Tank Removal."
Cool, like the people at the bank don't mock me and my diminutive bank account enough as it is...
But seriously, I actually laughed pretty hard.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Day 42 - I'm Not Lazy
I'm just trying to find someone who will fix the seat belt...
People are difficult today.
Not the coworkers though. They've been golden.
People are difficult today.
Not the coworkers though. They've been golden.
Day 42 - New Week Goals
OK, last week was fun.
But it's over...so while the kids play in a fort and listen to some crazy AM radio show on a tiny hand held radio they have...I'm going to throw down some goals for the week...And they are:
1)Keep everyone alive. I mean, not all of you people...But the kids...and then other people would follow but for now just the coworkers. Like Denzel Washington in Man on Fire (minus being black of course)...
2) Get my seat belt fixed...Otherwise we're trapped.
3) Check mrnannyblog@gmail.com and find a bevy of questions...
4) Answer bevy of questions on Friday.
5) Slowly get more and more excited about Saturday's NFL Draft...Yeah, I'm 25 and am genuinely excited. Sue me.
6) Rent the kids some new movies...
7) Figure out what I'm doing with my life.
8) Do something with the kids we haven't done before...Spice. It. Up.
9) Get my oil changed.
10) Keep the kids from getting muddy.
That's pretty much it.
But it's over...so while the kids play in a fort and listen to some crazy AM radio show on a tiny hand held radio they have...I'm going to throw down some goals for the week...And they are:
1)Keep everyone alive. I mean, not all of you people...But the kids...and then other people would follow but for now just the coworkers. Like Denzel Washington in Man on Fire (minus being black of course)...
2) Get my seat belt fixed...Otherwise we're trapped.
3) Check mrnannyblog@gmail.com and find a bevy of questions...
4) Answer bevy of questions on Friday.
5) Slowly get more and more excited about Saturday's NFL Draft...Yeah, I'm 25 and am genuinely excited. Sue me.
6) Rent the kids some new movies...
7) Figure out what I'm doing with my life.
8) Do something with the kids we haven't done before...Spice. It. Up.
9) Get my oil changed.
10) Keep the kids from getting muddy.
That's pretty much it.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Day 41 - Now I Feel Bad
The kids are supposed to be cleaning up the mess they made upstairs...
In the course of this, Ethan came down and makes a comment about Owen thinking I'm mad at him...
SO I tell Ethan that I'm more mad at my car and just wasn't happy that Owen ripped at the seat belt so hard....
He says "OHHH" and hustles upstairs...and on the way up I hear Owen ask him what I just said...
So Ethan repeats it almost verbatim...
Owen's response?
"WHEW"
In the course of this, Ethan came down and makes a comment about Owen thinking I'm mad at him...
SO I tell Ethan that I'm more mad at my car and just wasn't happy that Owen ripped at the seat belt so hard....
He says "OHHH" and hustles upstairs...and on the way up I hear Owen ask him what I just said...
So Ethan repeats it almost verbatim...
Owen's response?
"WHEW"
Day 41 - One Pissed Off Manny
The kids and I went on a walk around the neighborhood...Although they barely listened, I still wanted to go and do something cool to top it all off...So I decided to take them to 7-11
Once we got there, Ethan was able to unbuckle himself and did so, proclaiming to the car he was first.
At which point Owen decided to spazz out and try to one up Ethan by ripping at his seat belt as hard as possible...Until I heard a snap...
He broke my seat belt.
Now, to be clear, he didn't rip it out...He merely broke the mechanism that makes the seat belt go tight...
Being that they can't sit in the front seat yet, this royally screws me since I only have 3 seat belts in the backseat.
Needless to say, I was none too pleased with him trying to compete with Ethan over that and as a result we did not get slurpees.
Which sucks because I really wanted one.
Note to the CFO & CEO: Time to brainstorm about this little issue we have on our hands.
Once we got there, Ethan was able to unbuckle himself and did so, proclaiming to the car he was first.
At which point Owen decided to spazz out and try to one up Ethan by ripping at his seat belt as hard as possible...Until I heard a snap...
He broke my seat belt.
Now, to be clear, he didn't rip it out...He merely broke the mechanism that makes the seat belt go tight...
Being that they can't sit in the front seat yet, this royally screws me since I only have 3 seat belts in the backseat.
Needless to say, I was none too pleased with him trying to compete with Ethan over that and as a result we did not get slurpees.
Which sucks because I really wanted one.
Note to the CFO & CEO: Time to brainstorm about this little issue we have on our hands.
Day 41 - Manny Bag
Hey friends.
It's been a while since I tried to do one of these so here goes...and yes, just like Kate Winslet, these are real...
Mr. Nanny, I have two random questions.
1. Do you plan on sort of saving the blog entries, if at all possible? Just to show the kids in the future when they're your age, I mean. I think they would get a big kick out of seeing what they were like and the funny stories about what they did and how they acted so long ago.
2. Have you ever thought about showing some of the drawings you make? You talk about drawing often for the kids so I'm assuming you have some skills. I doubt you just make stick figures like I do. It would be kind of cool to have an image of the superhero kids and stuff like that. Then again, maybe I'm just an easily amused simpleton. It's probably the latter. But I guess it's a random idea if you need something new to post about.
-Matt
Hey Matt. I don't really like the fact you didn't include any pertinent details about yourself like where you're from making this email look totally fake but I liked your question...
In order:
1) I absolutely plan on saving these posts for them...What would be really great is if someone else saved them for me in the form of a book you could buy at your local (fine, Barnes & Noble) bookstore. Because that would mean I'd have gotten paid for this which would make me pretty happy. But on a more serious note, it's definitely something I need to get around to doing before the Internet folds up or Blogger.com shuts down because its free and all.
2) Guess what Matt? I'm in a good mood today so let's get crazy, yeah?
Batting lead-off is Owen with this little ocean scene I drew him...I thought he did a really nice job with this...It's peaceful yet vibrant. I'm very proud of how this one came out.
In the 2 hole, the X-Men Rogue drawing that Ethan KILLED. I love how he really put some passion into the black framing of Rogue. Definitely sets the tone and captures the moment. There's darkness in Rogue and he made sure, as an artist, that he got the point across to the rest of us...
Next question!
Not only is chocolate milk not bad for you...it improves endurance!
- Kate in New Orleans
Thanks Kate! See people...I'm doing them a favor by improving their endurance...I figure if they keep this diet up into their early twenties they will absolutely give the Kenyans a run for their money in 2024...
I wish I could attach the research paper that supports Kate's argument...It's very lengthy and impressive and does, in fact, state that chocolate milk improves endurance. Which is shocking to me. Who would have ever guessed that?
NEXT!!
Hi Mr. Nanny,
I just wanted to say, I love your blog. You seem to be doing a great job; I'm sure the kids love you. Your hysterical personality is obvious. I have a few questions I was wondering if you could answer/explain?
1) What has been the most challenging part of being a male nanny so far?
2) Do you think the parents will pay for you to come on vacations?
3) What's your least favorite kids show you've had to watch?
4) What's the kids' favorite flavor of ice cream?
Much love,
Homeless in Knoxville
Holy Crap! How nice is Knoxville where even the homeless can get access to my blog? Are you kidding me? If I was homeless in Richmond and somehow found a computer and saw this post, I would probably hitch hike to Knoxville...But then again, if I found a computer in Richmond then it wouldn't be that different for me here than it would be in Knoxville. So scratch that idea...But this person also signed off with "much love" which is exciting. I mean, what are the chances there is a homeless Jamaican reading this blog in Nashville, Tennessee? Gahlee, I've got goose skin right now.
Back to your questions
1) Worst Aspect: Wiping asses...and having people think I'm weird and or without direction in life.
2) Paid Vacation: I don't think they would want to take me on vacation. But if they did, I think the fact I was being taken on vacation would cover all pay. So no.
3) Least favorite kids show? Easy - Crashbox on HBO...That show was TERRIBLE...
4) Favorite Flavor of Ice Cream: I don't know. Probably chocolate...but after people freaked out when I fed them ice cream daily for the first week we haven't gone back down that road...
Thanks again for your question Homeless and good luck out there.
NEXT...
Hey Mr. Nanny!
Cold (but warming up) in Chicago.
Hey Cold in Chicago...Thanks for writing! Folks, take note - this is a GREAT question. Really, well done...
Anyway, unfortunately the CEO & CFO's living room does not resemble a Best Buy showroom. Dagger, I know. To answer your question, there are 3 DVD players in different rooms in the house. Basically, I just split them up and hit play.
The "1 for all, all for 1" approach was not a resounding success and has never been attempted again. Surprisingly, they usually do watch each others movie...although Owen rarely takes a serious interest in Summer's princess movies (not that Ethan's all geeked up about them or anything...)
However, to really emphasize the arrangement we have going I have drawn you a diagram. On construction paper...
Alright, I didn't have too many other questions that were relevant so I'll cut it off there...Hopefully this little bit will convince others to fire some questions my way.
Thanks to everyone who has emailed me saying anything at all...I really appreciate all the kind words and such...
Except for that guy who said he was going to kill me. That one was NOT cool.
It's been a while since I tried to do one of these so here goes...and yes, just like Kate Winslet, these are real...
Mr. Nanny, I have two random questions.
1. Do you plan on sort of saving the blog entries, if at all possible? Just to show the kids in the future when they're your age, I mean. I think they would get a big kick out of seeing what they were like and the funny stories about what they did and how they acted so long ago.
2. Have you ever thought about showing some of the drawings you make? You talk about drawing often for the kids so I'm assuming you have some skills. I doubt you just make stick figures like I do. It would be kind of cool to have an image of the superhero kids and stuff like that. Then again, maybe I'm just an easily amused simpleton. It's probably the latter. But I guess it's a random idea if you need something new to post about.
-Matt
Hey Matt. I don't really like the fact you didn't include any pertinent details about yourself like where you're from making this email look totally fake but I liked your question...
In order:
1) I absolutely plan on saving these posts for them...What would be really great is if someone else saved them for me in the form of a book you could buy at your local (fine, Barnes & Noble) bookstore. Because that would mean I'd have gotten paid for this which would make me pretty happy. But on a more serious note, it's definitely something I need to get around to doing before the Internet folds up or Blogger.com shuts down because its free and all.
2) Guess what Matt? I'm in a good mood today so let's get crazy, yeah?
Batting lead-off is Owen with this little ocean scene I drew him...I thought he did a really nice job with this...It's peaceful yet vibrant. I'm very proud of how this one came out.
In the 2 hole, the X-Men Rogue drawing that Ethan KILLED. I love how he really put some passion into the black framing of Rogue. Definitely sets the tone and captures the moment. There's darkness in Rogue and he made sure, as an artist, that he got the point across to the rest of us...
Next question!
Not only is chocolate milk not bad for you...it improves endurance!
- Kate in New Orleans
Thanks Kate! See people...I'm doing them a favor by improving their endurance...I figure if they keep this diet up into their early twenties they will absolutely give the Kenyans a run for their money in 2024...
I wish I could attach the research paper that supports Kate's argument...It's very lengthy and impressive and does, in fact, state that chocolate milk improves endurance. Which is shocking to me. Who would have ever guessed that?
NEXT!!
Hi Mr. Nanny,
I just wanted to say, I love your blog. You seem to be doing a great job; I'm sure the kids love you. Your hysterical personality is obvious. I have a few questions I was wondering if you could answer/explain?
1) What has been the most challenging part of being a male nanny so far?
2) Do you think the parents will pay for you to come on vacations?
3) What's your least favorite kids show you've had to watch?
4) What's the kids' favorite flavor of ice cream?
Much love,
Homeless in Knoxville
Holy Crap! How nice is Knoxville where even the homeless can get access to my blog? Are you kidding me? If I was homeless in Richmond and somehow found a computer and saw this post, I would probably hitch hike to Knoxville...But then again, if I found a computer in Richmond then it wouldn't be that different for me here than it would be in Knoxville. So scratch that idea...But this person also signed off with "much love" which is exciting. I mean, what are the chances there is a homeless Jamaican reading this blog in Nashville, Tennessee? Gahlee, I've got goose skin right now.
Back to your questions
1) Worst Aspect: Wiping asses...and having people think I'm weird and or without direction in life.
2) Paid Vacation: I don't think they would want to take me on vacation. But if they did, I think the fact I was being taken on vacation would cover all pay. So no.
3) Least favorite kids show? Easy - Crashbox on HBO...That show was TERRIBLE...
4) Favorite Flavor of Ice Cream: I don't know. Probably chocolate...but after people freaked out when I fed them ice cream daily for the first week we haven't gone back down that road...
Thanks again for your question Homeless and good luck out there.
NEXT...
Hey Mr. Nanny!
Question - As I read through some of the stories. I'm confused by the whole "the kids get their own movie" concept. Are there 3 DVD players in the living room, each with a separate TV and so they all sit there and watch their respective movie, concurrently? This seems insane to me, but if true, can I come to the CEO's for March Madness next year? Or do they rotate and each only watch their own movie, one at a time? This also doesn't seem realistic to me. However, if neither of these scenarios in fact play out, why are they confused with the "1-for-all, all-for-1" movie concept? Do they not all watch each others movies anyway?
Please advise. Possibly with a diagram.
Sincerely,
Hey Cold in Chicago...Thanks for writing! Folks, take note - this is a GREAT question. Really, well done...
Anyway, unfortunately the CEO & CFO's living room does not resemble a Best Buy showroom. Dagger, I know. To answer your question, there are 3 DVD players in different rooms in the house. Basically, I just split them up and hit play.
The "1 for all, all for 1" approach was not a resounding success and has never been attempted again. Surprisingly, they usually do watch each others movie...although Owen rarely takes a serious interest in Summer's princess movies (not that Ethan's all geeked up about them or anything...)
However, to really emphasize the arrangement we have going I have drawn you a diagram. On construction paper...
Alright, I didn't have too many other questions that were relevant so I'll cut it off there...Hopefully this little bit will convince others to fire some questions my way.
Thanks to everyone who has emailed me saying anything at all...I really appreciate all the kind words and such...
Except for that guy who said he was going to kill me. That one was NOT cool.
Day 41 - Upset of the Year
Summer came out of nowhere to clean her plate first today...
Friday Clean Plate Club Winner: SUMMER
Way to go slugger!
This is Summer's first win...I'm throwing a lot of high-fives her way right now...
Friday Clean Plate Club Winner: SUMMER
Way to go slugger!
This is Summer's first win...I'm throwing a lot of high-fives her way right now...
Day 41 - Lunch
The kids sat down at the kitchen table for lunch.
Owen asks me to push the table closer...I move it a few inches and he says "closer" so I push the legs all the way up against the bench they're sitting on...
To which Owen says:
"Now THAT'S more like it!" while jabbing a finger in my direction...
Owen asks me to push the table closer...I move it a few inches and he says "closer" so I push the legs all the way up against the bench they're sitting on...
To which Owen says:
"Now THAT'S more like it!" while jabbing a finger in my direction...
Day 41 - Seriously Buddy!?
Before we left to take Ethan to his exercise class I noticed Owen picking his nose...
And then, much to my horror and dismay, the finger rummaging around in his nose promptly entered his mouth.
As he smiled at me.
To avoid this situation in the future, I told my standard lie:
"Whoa...Don't ever eat your boogers...It WILL absolutely make you throw up..."
- Other Highlights:
And then, much to my horror and dismay, the finger rummaging around in his nose promptly entered his mouth.
As he smiled at me.
To avoid this situation in the future, I told my standard lie:
"Whoa...Don't ever eat your boogers...It WILL absolutely make you throw up..."
- Other Highlights:
- Summer & Ethan are dressed in normal clothes. Owen requested that he remain in his PJ's...Which is not a problem for me...Aside from the fact his pajama bottoms make him look like one of those Euro guys wearing Capri pants.I asked him what that was all about and apparently he's been growing. Which is good...
- Summer is currently in a dress and she looks very prissy...Unfortunately, when she was complimented on said dress her initial reaction was to lift it up and show off her underpants. This led to damage control and my telling Summer that good girls don't lift their dresses when they get a compliment...
- The last time Ethan had exercise I showed up 10 minutes late because, you know, I'm taking care of 3 kids and sometimes they don't exactly make things easy on me...When I showed up Ethan's instructors gave me some sarcastic business about whether I took a nap or not...Well guess what ladies, now that I know y'all read the blog I'm putting you on blast: Way to make me wait 20 minutes today! (PS- How do I know they read the blog? Because they called me "Bictor" and only blog readers say that...GOTCHA!)
Day 41 - Jackpot
Did I forget to eat breakfast?
Yes.
Do they have leftover pizza from last night in the fridge??
YES!!!
Yes.
Do they have leftover pizza from last night in the fridge??
YES!!!
Day 41 - Yeah Boyyyy
Lately, the boss man has been instituting some changes to the rules that inadvertently help me out...
For example, last week he broke out the "No Crayons On the Ground" rule after one too many Ruby Red's ended up in between the grooves of his tennis shoes...
I'm a huge fan of this rule because by Friday this place would resemble a colorful war zone (you know, if crayons were bullets)...Plus, cleaning up burns a good 15-20 minutes and I can always dangle a terribly drawn picture of Cyclops or Wolverine as incentive. (I do this while Summer naps so I don't have to draw princesses because dresses and girl hair are hard as crap to draw...)
Today, the new rule is no one can eat in the living (family?) room...Apparently, the company had the carpet in that room steam cleaned and now that it's sterilized they want to keep it that way.
Needless to say, I'm Downtown Julie Brown with that idea since it just reduces the places I could potentially find a half eaten pop tart or Chewy granola bar...Or hell, even pudding for that matter...
For example, last week he broke out the "No Crayons On the Ground" rule after one too many Ruby Red's ended up in between the grooves of his tennis shoes...
I'm a huge fan of this rule because by Friday this place would resemble a colorful war zone (you know, if crayons were bullets)...Plus, cleaning up burns a good 15-20 minutes and I can always dangle a terribly drawn picture of Cyclops or Wolverine as incentive. (I do this while Summer naps so I don't have to draw princesses because dresses and girl hair are hard as crap to draw...)
Today, the new rule is no one can eat in the living (family?) room...Apparently, the company had the carpet in that room steam cleaned and now that it's sterilized they want to keep it that way.
Needless to say, I'm Downtown Julie Brown with that idea since it just reduces the places I could potentially find a half eaten pop tart or Chewy granola bar...Or hell, even pudding for that matter...
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Day 40 - ADs
Some of you may have noticed that I've added advertisements to the site...
I'm having a blast looking at them as they change...
Earlier they were all about babies and diapers and such...Now, there's one for Chuck Norris t-shirts...
There is literally no way to know whats coming next...I'm on the edge of my seat like after my last date a few months ago when the girl never answered my follow up call...
I'm having a blast looking at them as they change...
Earlier they were all about babies and diapers and such...Now, there's one for Chuck Norris t-shirts...
There is literally no way to know whats coming next...I'm on the edge of my seat like after my last date a few months ago when the girl never answered my follow up call...
Day 40 - Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness
For some unknown reason, today is the second day in a row that I've found a bar of soap in Summer's bed as I put her down for a nap...
I have no idea why she keeps putting bars of soap in her bed...
I have no idea why she keeps putting bars of soap in her bed...
Day 40 - My First Post (Today)
For those of you who have been checking the site, cursing me out in your head as you continuously hit F5 to refresh the page hoping that I've updated...Sorry...
Just a few stories:
1) I walked in this morning and on a paper plate the CFO had left me a note
"Please let the kids blow bubbles on the deck! Thanks!:)"
I laughed because I don't know what the kids tell her but I would LOVE to let them go outside...Are you kidding me? I'm so sick of rain I was about to freak out, go the voodoo route and sacrifice some live animals out back...Like Pia, the neighbors cat just barely escaped death. I'm not even kidding right now. When they play outside the only negative is they all come in smelling like a locker room. Otherwise? Game on.
2) For some reason - I'm assuming it's a combination of the fact that I'm younger, the kids are cool, and my role is unique like my being a male nurse would be - all the teachers know me. I don't know them but they ALL say hello to me by name. Which would freak me out if I didn't secretly want to gain some level of fame off this blog. Now, I'm not talking about Lindsay Lohan (complete with car accidents, cocaine addiction and bi-sexual experiences) fame...But I wouldn't mind getting a free sub or something from time to time, you know?
Anyway, that's really all I got - these women all say hey to me...Which is pretty cool. I love watching real parents seethe with jealousy. Sorry folks...
3) We went in a different way today which prompted Owen to LOUDLY proclaim
"WHAT THE???"
Which killed me while also leading to a few questionable glances from other people...What? He didn't finish the sentence...Let it go.
4) I'm going to leave the CFO a note today on a paper plate
"Boss - They came back over to me after 5 minutes and said they don't like bubbles. Sincerely, Employee."
This surprised me...I figured they would go nuts...Nope...Apparently bubbles kind of suck when you have to do it for yourself and your hands end up all sticky...
Alright, I'll be back in a bit.
Just a few stories:
1) I walked in this morning and on a paper plate the CFO had left me a note
"Please let the kids blow bubbles on the deck! Thanks!:)"
I laughed because I don't know what the kids tell her but I would LOVE to let them go outside...Are you kidding me? I'm so sick of rain I was about to freak out, go the voodoo route and sacrifice some live animals out back...Like Pia, the neighbors cat just barely escaped death. I'm not even kidding right now. When they play outside the only negative is they all come in smelling like a locker room. Otherwise? Game on.
2) For some reason - I'm assuming it's a combination of the fact that I'm younger, the kids are cool, and my role is unique like my being a male nurse would be - all the teachers know me. I don't know them but they ALL say hello to me by name. Which would freak me out if I didn't secretly want to gain some level of fame off this blog. Now, I'm not talking about Lindsay Lohan (complete with car accidents, cocaine addiction and bi-sexual experiences) fame...But I wouldn't mind getting a free sub or something from time to time, you know?
Anyway, that's really all I got - these women all say hey to me...Which is pretty cool. I love watching real parents seethe with jealousy. Sorry folks...
3) We went in a different way today which prompted Owen to LOUDLY proclaim
"WHAT THE???"
Which killed me while also leading to a few questionable glances from other people...What? He didn't finish the sentence...Let it go.
4) I'm going to leave the CFO a note today on a paper plate
"Boss - They came back over to me after 5 minutes and said they don't like bubbles. Sincerely, Employee."
This surprised me...I figured they would go nuts...Nope...Apparently bubbles kind of suck when you have to do it for yourself and your hands end up all sticky...
Alright, I'll be back in a bit.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Day 39 - Summer Being Summer
Much like Manny Ramirez, you can explain Summer by repeating her name. It only works for a few select individuals...Generally, its reserved for greatness...
Like, "Oh, that's just Prince being Prince" or "Manny being Manny" etc etc...
So on the ride home, Summer is just being Summer and being sassy for the sake of sassiness.
We stop and get some food and she doesn't like how it smells in the car.
I stop to get gas and she complains about the gas smell...
Jokingly, I ask the boys how they might feel if I put Summer in a box when we get home and send her somewhere far away.
Owen is unfazed as all he says is "Okay" and looks out the window...
But Ethan? He says the following in the most relaxed way possible with a smile on his face...
"No, or we'll kill you"
I lose it. Something about a death threat from a 4 year old that gets the old laugh factory churning away...
Like, "Oh, that's just Prince being Prince" or "Manny being Manny" etc etc...
So on the ride home, Summer is just being Summer and being sassy for the sake of sassiness.
We stop and get some food and she doesn't like how it smells in the car.
I stop to get gas and she complains about the gas smell...
Jokingly, I ask the boys how they might feel if I put Summer in a box when we get home and send her somewhere far away.
Owen is unfazed as all he says is "Okay" and looks out the window...
But Ethan? He says the following in the most relaxed way possible with a smile on his face...
"No, or we'll kill you"
I lose it. Something about a death threat from a 4 year old that gets the old laugh factory churning away...
Day 39 - The Ride Back From School
On Wednesdays, I don't get out of the car to get the kids...I just hold up a number (not telling you which number but I will say its the jersey number of a retired NBA star...so good luck figuring that one out)
Anyway, the school does whatever they do and eventually out pop the kids on the curb...It's really impressive actually that they have never given me some kid that doesn't belong to me...Like the random girl in E&O's class who somehow knows my name and talks to me Tuesday-Thursday.
But I digress, today they send the kids out and while I wait for the cars in front of me to move out of the way I wave to Owen and Ethan.
Owen casually throws back my way an awesome "Here's looking at you, kid" finger point...
You know what? I'm not the least bit upset that the kid I take care of is way cooler than me...Not at all.
Anyway, the school does whatever they do and eventually out pop the kids on the curb...It's really impressive actually that they have never given me some kid that doesn't belong to me...Like the random girl in E&O's class who somehow knows my name and talks to me Tuesday-Thursday.
But I digress, today they send the kids out and while I wait for the cars in front of me to move out of the way I wave to Owen and Ethan.
Owen casually throws back my way an awesome "Here's looking at you, kid" finger point...
You know what? I'm not the least bit upset that the kid I take care of is way cooler than me...Not at all.
Day 39 - She Deserves A Shout Out
So since the CEO's brother selfishly decided to move to Tennessee for a better job thereby taking his wife and daughter (my goddaughter) with him...I don't really get to see Bella (the GD) all that often...
Luckily, they remembered to bring her back with them for Easter this past weekend and someone snagged a picture of she and I staring at our family because, well, if you met my family you would stop and stare too... (Joking...love you Mom)
Now, you're probably thinking "Wait, she isnt Ethan, Owen, or Summer..." and you would be right.
But I don't care. They trusted ME to be her godfather (yeah, me!) so the least I can do is get her some blog time...
By the way: I'm kidding about my cousin being selfish...Just for those of you who haven't picked up on my excessive use of sarcasm yet...
Luckily, they remembered to bring her back with them for Easter this past weekend and someone snagged a picture of she and I staring at our family because, well, if you met my family you would stop and stare too... (Joking...love you Mom)
Now, you're probably thinking "Wait, she isnt Ethan, Owen, or Summer..." and you would be right.
But I don't care. They trusted ME to be her godfather (yeah, me!) so the least I can do is get her some blog time...
By the way: I'm kidding about my cousin being selfish...Just for those of you who haven't picked up on my excessive use of sarcasm yet...
Day 39 - Why Are You Telling Me This?
Every single time Summer has to pee she tells me.
I have no earthly idea why though because it's not like she needs my help...
So we'll be sitting there and she'll go
"Bictor, I have to go peepee"
"Alright, well then why are you sitting there? Go pee"
And then she hustles off and pees...
It's really confusing to me...As though she expects me to play some integral role in the emptying of her bladder.
I have no earthly idea why though because it's not like she needs my help...
So we'll be sitting there and she'll go
"Bictor, I have to go peepee"
"Alright, well then why are you sitting there? Go pee"
And then she hustles off and pees...
It's really confusing to me...As though she expects me to play some integral role in the emptying of her bladder.
Day 39 - Music
As many of you know we listen to a LOT of my buddy Garrett's music.
Like too much of his music. To the point that although I'm a big fan of his...I have to lie to the kids for my own well being and say I don't have his band's CD in the car...
Today, because I made a new mix CD, I pulled that lie out and reused it.
Luckily, they were convinced a couple of the people on the mix were Garewet which was huge...
So THIS SONG has become a new favorite in the car and I'm 100% cool with it.
Like too much of his music. To the point that although I'm a big fan of his...I have to lie to the kids for my own well being and say I don't have his band's CD in the car...
Today, because I made a new mix CD, I pulled that lie out and reused it.
Luckily, they were convinced a couple of the people on the mix were Garewet which was huge...
So THIS SONG has become a new favorite in the car and I'm 100% cool with it.
Day 39 - The Trip To School
2 stories and a "Is this seriously my life?" moment from last night:
1) Normally, I let the kids pick their shoes which results in E&O wearing the same Spiderman light up shoes like always...Summer is the only one who ever picks a different pair.
Again, typical right?
However, today Summer throws a Tim Wakefield knuckleball at me and picks up a pair of shoes I have never seen before...
Now, they perfectly match her outfit so I assume that was the reason behind the pick.
I thought wrong.
These shoes squeak. So imagine a pair of LA Gear light up shoes...and then replace the flashing lights with a squeak like you hear coming out of one of those bike horns kids have...
And then imagine that sound happening every time she takes a step.
Every. Single. Step.
Naturally, as were walking into the school I have parents walking by me laughing...Not at the squeaks...They're laughing because they can hear me telling her that we're taking off those shoes as soon as we get home.
On our way out I pick Summer up (to avoid the squeak) and a teacher asks me if that was her with the squeaky shoes...
I say yes.
She replies "Bless your heart. Have fun with that!"
Thanks lady...
2) On the ride home, I'm talking to Summer and listening to music like always when I decide to butter her up.
I ask her if she knows who the prettiest girl I know is...She says nope.
"Well, you're the prettiest girl I know Summer!"
"No I'm not Bictor...I'm not even waywing a dwess..."
Alright. Fair enough.
3) The "Is this seriously my life?" moment:
Last night I'm sitting on the couch with my sister when I cross my leg...At that point, Martha (aka Tica) tells me I have crap on the bottom of my shoe.
Like every other person would, I check my shoe.
Nope...It's not crap...It's play-doh.
So if you're keeping score at home I'm 25 years old and I have play-doh stuck on the bottom of my shoe...and I absolutely did not anticipate this happening to me when I was in college...
Is this SERIOUSLY my life? Yeah...It is.
1) Normally, I let the kids pick their shoes which results in E&O wearing the same Spiderman light up shoes like always...Summer is the only one who ever picks a different pair.
Again, typical right?
However, today Summer throws a Tim Wakefield knuckleball at me and picks up a pair of shoes I have never seen before...
Now, they perfectly match her outfit so I assume that was the reason behind the pick.
I thought wrong.
These shoes squeak. So imagine a pair of LA Gear light up shoes...and then replace the flashing lights with a squeak like you hear coming out of one of those bike horns kids have...
And then imagine that sound happening every time she takes a step.
Every. Single. Step.
Naturally, as were walking into the school I have parents walking by me laughing...Not at the squeaks...They're laughing because they can hear me telling her that we're taking off those shoes as soon as we get home.
On our way out I pick Summer up (to avoid the squeak) and a teacher asks me if that was her with the squeaky shoes...
I say yes.
She replies "Bless your heart. Have fun with that!"
Thanks lady...
2) On the ride home, I'm talking to Summer and listening to music like always when I decide to butter her up.
I ask her if she knows who the prettiest girl I know is...She says nope.
"Well, you're the prettiest girl I know Summer!"
"No I'm not Bictor...I'm not even waywing a dwess..."
Alright. Fair enough.
3) The "Is this seriously my life?" moment:
Last night I'm sitting on the couch with my sister when I cross my leg...At that point, Martha (aka Tica) tells me I have crap on the bottom of my shoe.
Like every other person would, I check my shoe.
Nope...It's not crap...It's play-doh.
So if you're keeping score at home I'm 25 years old and I have play-doh stuck on the bottom of my shoe...and I absolutely did not anticipate this happening to me when I was in college...
Is this SERIOUSLY my life? Yeah...It is.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Day 38 - Now that was funny...
Summer is down for her nap.
Owen made a little raft out of couch cushions and was watching his new Batman DVD when he passed out...just like yesterday...
So, once again, it's just me and E hanging out...
Since he has it, he asked me to put his X-Men movie on while he played with playdoh simply out of principle...
I could tell that he was kind of bored though so I drew him a two-sided picture (which will result in my having to do the same thing for the other two later today) of a normal kid and then the normal kid as a superhero.
We settled on the alter ego being known as "Crazy Kid" who shoots fireballs...
It's pretty cool.
At this point, he ambles on over to the kids small table and grabs his crayons and proceeds to sit down...
Now, what he didn't notice was that his green chair was turned around so the back was to him...and with a brief glance it could appear to be in the correct position...
Unfortunately, it was not.
His body just jackhammers onto the floor...and he looks at me stunned...Not hurt stunned...more like a "What the hell just happened to me?" stunned.
And all I could do was laugh under my breath and help him up...
Owen made a little raft out of couch cushions and was watching his new Batman DVD when he passed out...just like yesterday...
So, once again, it's just me and E hanging out...
Since he has it, he asked me to put his X-Men movie on while he played with playdoh simply out of principle...
I could tell that he was kind of bored though so I drew him a two-sided picture (which will result in my having to do the same thing for the other two later today) of a normal kid and then the normal kid as a superhero.
We settled on the alter ego being known as "Crazy Kid" who shoots fireballs...
It's pretty cool.
At this point, he ambles on over to the kids small table and grabs his crayons and proceeds to sit down...
Now, what he didn't notice was that his green chair was turned around so the back was to him...and with a brief glance it could appear to be in the correct position...
Unfortunately, it was not.
His body just jackhammers onto the floor...and he looks at me stunned...Not hurt stunned...more like a "What the hell just happened to me?" stunned.
And all I could do was laugh under my breath and help him up...
Day 38 - Holy Crap
I am so unbelievably mad at Blockbuster.
Earlier, I went to Blockbuster to return the kids movies and pick up 3 more...The guy behind the counter tells me I can rent the movies for 1 night at the low price of $1 for one night or five nights for $4...Here is the conversation that followed:
Way too old to be working at Blockbuster cashier: Sir, we have changed our policy and the price is now $1 for 1 night or $4 for 5 nights"
Me: "Wait, so kids movies are no longer $1.99?"
Way too old to be working at Blockbuster cashier: "You can rent for one night at one dollar or 4 dollars for 5 nights"
He says this with a trace of attitude which makes me want to reach across the counter and punch him in the face before assuring him his mother is really proud of him.
However, because I don't do push ups or go to the gym...I swiped my credit card and cursed in my head over and over again...
Really Blockbuster? You upped the price on kids movies from $2 for 5 days to $4 for 5 days?
Seriously!?
SO the weekly movie trip has jumped from $6 a week to $12 and you know what? I'm not happy about it...And it's not about the price...its the principle of it all...
Screw you Blockbuster and your "oooh the economy is hurting us" approach...
Know what I say to that?
Bullshit! Show me your cards...
I don't have sympathy for a company who took advantage of their customers left and right for years resulting in a class action lawsuit...Not to mention how they drove out every Video World and mom & pop shop in the country...
So guess what you made me do Blockbuster - I'm going to check out Hollywood Video...
Again, it's not about the price...its the principle of a 100% price increase in the span of a week...That's bush league. Subway is practically giving away footlongs and Blockbuster has the audacity to up their prices?
KISS MY ASS BLOCKBUSTER!
Earlier, I went to Blockbuster to return the kids movies and pick up 3 more...The guy behind the counter tells me I can rent the movies for 1 night at the low price of $1 for one night or five nights for $4...Here is the conversation that followed:
Way too old to be working at Blockbuster cashier: Sir, we have changed our policy and the price is now $1 for 1 night or $4 for 5 nights"
Me: "Wait, so kids movies are no longer $1.99?"
Way too old to be working at Blockbuster cashier: "You can rent for one night at one dollar or 4 dollars for 5 nights"
He says this with a trace of attitude which makes me want to reach across the counter and punch him in the face before assuring him his mother is really proud of him.
However, because I don't do push ups or go to the gym...I swiped my credit card and cursed in my head over and over again...
Really Blockbuster? You upped the price on kids movies from $2 for 5 days to $4 for 5 days?
Seriously!?
SO the weekly movie trip has jumped from $6 a week to $12 and you know what? I'm not happy about it...And it's not about the price...its the principle of it all...
Screw you Blockbuster and your "oooh the economy is hurting us" approach...
Know what I say to that?
Bullshit! Show me your cards...
I don't have sympathy for a company who took advantage of their customers left and right for years resulting in a class action lawsuit...Not to mention how they drove out every Video World and mom & pop shop in the country...
So guess what you made me do Blockbuster - I'm going to check out Hollywood Video...
Again, it's not about the price...its the principle of a 100% price increase in the span of a week...That's bush league. Subway is practically giving away footlongs and Blockbuster has the audacity to up their prices?
KISS MY ASS BLOCKBUSTER!
Day 38 - The Ride Back From School
Summer was tormenting Ethan by saying I was PaPa (I think that's what she was saying at least...which would be their grandfather's name)...
Ethan was growing increasingly annoyed with her and finally blurts out
"Papa doesn't have black hair!"
To which Owen replied
"Papa doesn't have any hair...He has a lightbulb head"
That killed me. A LIGHTBULB HEAD? Are you serious??
Ethan was growing increasingly annoyed with her and finally blurts out
"Papa doesn't have black hair!"
To which Owen replied
"Papa doesn't have any hair...He has a lightbulb head"
That killed me. A LIGHTBULB HEAD? Are you serious??
Day 38 - A Suggestion From Bictor
To be honest, I don't like blogs.
There is something inherently egotistical about writing down your thoughts and wanting people to read them...and agree with you...I don't mind blogs that are informative...But I once worked with this lady who would blog all the time about politics. Usually, she wrote about her thoughts on Israel v. Palestine and - because that's obviously a serious topic - it pissed me off because she would talk to me about it in addition to blogging nonstop.
It was like "Lady, stop talking and start copying so I can go home and play Madden..."
Anyway, since that's my general feeling, I made myself a promise that I would only use this blog for entertainment purposes and not to push my own personal agenda...That the kids and my experience with them would be the #1 objective.
However, I am going to break my own rule right now and point you loyal "Mannyiacs" in the direction of two blogs I really truly enjoy...
The first is a good friend of mine who currently lives in New York City...I will say that, by and large, ladies will appreciate it more because she's big into the fashion side of things...But I really enjoy her general style and such so I felt like I should share my readers with her...If we didn't go to the same high school I wouldn't share but she's a good egg...So why not, right?
www.laurenedelstein.blogspot.com
The second is a bit different. I don't know this guy...But I love his blog. Since I did one for the ladies this one is more for the guys but - as with the first shout out, both sexes can enjoy it...It's a blog written by the 12th man (as in the last guy on the bench who never plays) for Ohio State's basketball team and I really can't vouch for it enough. I genuinely enjoy the hell out of it.
www.clubtrillion.blogspot.com
Alright...So there it is. I have gone and pimped out the only two blogs I actually read.
Now that I've broken my own rule, I'm going to put myself in time-out for a bit...I'll be back later today but while you wait definitely hit up those other blogs...I don't think you'll be disappointed and if you are then color me flattered that you like my blog.
- V
There is something inherently egotistical about writing down your thoughts and wanting people to read them...and agree with you...I don't mind blogs that are informative...But I once worked with this lady who would blog all the time about politics. Usually, she wrote about her thoughts on Israel v. Palestine and - because that's obviously a serious topic - it pissed me off because she would talk to me about it in addition to blogging nonstop.
It was like "Lady, stop talking and start copying so I can go home and play Madden..."
Anyway, since that's my general feeling, I made myself a promise that I would only use this blog for entertainment purposes and not to push my own personal agenda...That the kids and my experience with them would be the #1 objective.
However, I am going to break my own rule right now and point you loyal "Mannyiacs" in the direction of two blogs I really truly enjoy...
The first is a good friend of mine who currently lives in New York City...I will say that, by and large, ladies will appreciate it more because she's big into the fashion side of things...But I really enjoy her general style and such so I felt like I should share my readers with her...If we didn't go to the same high school I wouldn't share but she's a good egg...So why not, right?
www.laurenedelstein.blogspot.com
The second is a bit different. I don't know this guy...But I love his blog. Since I did one for the ladies this one is more for the guys but - as with the first shout out, both sexes can enjoy it...It's a blog written by the 12th man (as in the last guy on the bench who never plays) for Ohio State's basketball team and I really can't vouch for it enough. I genuinely enjoy the hell out of it.
www.clubtrillion.blogspot.com
Alright...So there it is. I have gone and pimped out the only two blogs I actually read.
Now that I've broken my own rule, I'm going to put myself in time-out for a bit...I'll be back later today but while you wait definitely hit up those other blogs...I don't think you'll be disappointed and if you are then color me flattered that you like my blog.
- V
Day 38 - Lil Ronaldinho
So yesterday the kids had a soccer game...because I had plans I didn't go but I definitely need to...
I asked the CEO to keep stats because we fully expected Owen to go nuts on these kids...
See, Ethan has superior people skills...He literally melts people down with his charm. Summer, meanwhile, plays the part of baby girl perfectly by being sassy as can be and painfully cute...Owen has always been the most shy but he's also the most physically impressive - He's big for his age and as fast as he is strong...
As such, both the CEO and myself were excited to see what would happen when he was unleashed on the "pitch" (which is a ridiculous name for field)...
Naturally, he went and picked up a hat trick (3 goals for the uninformed) in his first game...and, according to the CEO, he has wicked kick moves. I assume it resembles his super hero juke moves he likes to throw in the living room. So, obviously, I need to go to the next game and take some real notes for you folks...
Unfortunately, Summer & Ethan failed to score...Owen actually said:
"Ethan & Summer didn't help me but it's OK...we still won"
Which I, of course, thought was a brilliant observation.
Sometimes you just have to know when to take over.
I asked the CEO to keep stats because we fully expected Owen to go nuts on these kids...
See, Ethan has superior people skills...He literally melts people down with his charm. Summer, meanwhile, plays the part of baby girl perfectly by being sassy as can be and painfully cute...Owen has always been the most shy but he's also the most physically impressive - He's big for his age and as fast as he is strong...
As such, both the CEO and myself were excited to see what would happen when he was unleashed on the "pitch" (which is a ridiculous name for field)...
Naturally, he went and picked up a hat trick (3 goals for the uninformed) in his first game...and, according to the CEO, he has wicked kick moves. I assume it resembles his super hero juke moves he likes to throw in the living room. So, obviously, I need to go to the next game and take some real notes for you folks...
Unfortunately, Summer & Ethan failed to score...Owen actually said:
"Ethan & Summer didn't help me but it's OK...we still won"
Which I, of course, thought was a brilliant observation.
Sometimes you just have to know when to take over.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Day 37 - Sugar Crash
Owen just passed out sitting straight up on the couch...I can hear him snore from the kitchen.
Every time I walk in the living room Ethan looks at Owen and laughs.
Every time I walk in the living room Ethan looks at Owen and laughs.
Day 37 - Grrreeeaaattt....
I'm not going to lie: In the war between myself and a whole bunch of the Easter candy surrounding me...well, lets just say there are going to be some casualties.
And the Neapolitan (chocalate/vanilla/strawberry flavored) chocolates might be going down first...
[UPDATE] OH WELL HELLOOOOOO STARBURSTS...You're Gone!
And the Neapolitan (chocalate/vanilla/strawberry flavored) chocolates might be going down first...
[UPDATE] OH WELL HELLOOOOOO STARBURSTS...You're Gone!
Day 37 - Ignore Me
Alright...so yesterday during our Easter shindig Ethan wanted to try on my sunglasses...
Being that I have a much larger head than his, there was no chance the ensuing picture(s) wouldn't be funny...
THANKS to my sister Martha (aka Tica) for the photos...Well done.
PS - In the first photo he's pretending to be Cyclops from X-Men
PPS - No...I don't know why I look scared in the second picture...
Being that I have a much larger head than his, there was no chance the ensuing picture(s) wouldn't be funny...
THANKS to my sister Martha (aka Tica) for the photos...Well done.
PS - In the first photo he's pretending to be Cyclops from X-Men
PPS - No...I don't know why I look scared in the second picture...
Day 37 - You Would Think...
By now, you might assume I would learn to look before speaking...but being who I am that's about as likely as me getting dates off this blog.
Today, I got the kids all riled up with the promise of a trip to Blockbuster for some new movies...Between the candy and the idea of hitting the movie store their heart rate was dangerously high...
Naturally, I get them all dressed and we proceed outside...Only to discover that the car seats arent in the shed like they normally are...
Great!
Now, we're just watching this random guy cut back the bushes surrounding the house/office...
Which is pretty exciting if I didn't, you know, have a pulse and all.
Today, I got the kids all riled up with the promise of a trip to Blockbuster for some new movies...Between the candy and the idea of hitting the movie store their heart rate was dangerously high...
Naturally, I get them all dressed and we proceed outside...Only to discover that the car seats arent in the shed like they normally are...
Great!
Now, we're just watching this random guy cut back the bushes surrounding the house/office...
Which is pretty exciting if I didn't, you know, have a pulse and all.
Day 37 - I'm Thinking I'm Too Old For This
These kids are fired up today...
Summer is in an awesome mood as are the boys...
All three are wearing the t-shirts their grandma (my aunt Betty) made them...
Each shirt looks like this:
Owen - A picture of Spiderman and the phrase "Owen's Favorite Character"
Ethan - A picture of Pablo (from Backyardigans) and the phrase "Ethan's Favorite Character"
Summer - A picture of Disney princesses and the phrase "Summer's Favorite Characters"
So aside from wearing really cool custom t-shirts...we're also giving creeps and pedo's a cheat sheet for luring these kids into a 1987 Buick Oldsmobile.
Needless to say, I'm on high alert today...
Summer is in an awesome mood as are the boys...
All three are wearing the t-shirts their grandma (my aunt Betty) made them...
Each shirt looks like this:
Owen - A picture of Spiderman and the phrase "Owen's Favorite Character"
Ethan - A picture of Pablo (from Backyardigans) and the phrase "Ethan's Favorite Character"
Summer - A picture of Disney princesses and the phrase "Summer's Favorite Characters"
So aside from wearing really cool custom t-shirts...we're also giving creeps and pedo's a cheat sheet for luring these kids into a 1987 Buick Oldsmobile.
Needless to say, I'm on high alert today...
Day 37 - Black Monday
You know how the Friday following Thanksgiving is known across the country as "Black Friday" because of the sales and such?
I believe strongly that every nanny in America is embarking on their own version - called "Black Monday."
Why? Because these kids are all sorts of hopped up on candy...
By the way: Whose idea was it to put whistles in eggs? I know I was at the office Saturday night helping the bosses pack eggs but I don't recall anyone putting whistles in them...
I recall suggesting - just for laughs - putting an egg yolk in one...But CFO nixed that because of the high probability of someone getting salmonella poisoning...
But a whistle!?! Really?
Not. Cool.
Anyway, I'm going on a "Hide the candy" mission as you read this...
I believe strongly that every nanny in America is embarking on their own version - called "Black Monday."
Why? Because these kids are all sorts of hopped up on candy...
By the way: Whose idea was it to put whistles in eggs? I know I was at the office Saturday night helping the bosses pack eggs but I don't recall anyone putting whistles in them...
I recall suggesting - just for laughs - putting an egg yolk in one...But CFO nixed that because of the high probability of someone getting salmonella poisoning...
But a whistle!?! Really?
Not. Cool.
Anyway, I'm going on a "Hide the candy" mission as you read this...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Day 36 - Good? No It's Great...
You know why today is Good Friday??
Because the CFO let me have the day off!
Someone is in his bed thanking every single character from the Bible...
Because the CFO let me have the day off!
Someone is in his bed thanking every single character from the Bible...
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Day 35 - I wish I was still that creative
Owen is next to me playing with a Spiderman figurine and having a full blown conversation with himself...
He's making special effects noises and basically carrying on like I'm not here...
Although he realized I was listening to him when he knocked over a cookbook and said to no one in particular
"What the!?"
Why wouldn't I laugh? I say that all the time...I'm half wondering if he got it from me.
He's making special effects noises and basically carrying on like I'm not here...
Although he realized I was listening to him when he knocked over a cookbook and said to no one in particular
"What the!?"
Why wouldn't I laugh? I say that all the time...I'm half wondering if he got it from me.
Day 35 - Who Are These Kids??
That's it.
Something is officially up with the coworkers...They may or may not be aliens.
It's like the bosses bribed my coworkers or something because this week has been an exercise in Ass-Kissing.
The 3 most popular phrases so far this week have been:
- "I love you Bictor"
- "Thanks Bictor"
- "Summer, stop being a tattletale"
I just gave the kids their chicken noodle soup (heads up to the bosses - Stock the company pantry before these kids freak out and go Lord of the Flies on me...please. Thanks.) and Owen goes
"Mmmmm yummmy. Thanks for making our lunch Victor"
Normally, they don't thank me for feeding them - nor should they since its part of the job - but they've been hilarious...
Right now, they're just repeating different things they love to try and make me laugh...
I'm pretty sure Ethan locked up First Place when he said "I love your feet..."
That one killed me.
Something is officially up with the coworkers...They may or may not be aliens.
It's like the bosses bribed my coworkers or something because this week has been an exercise in Ass-Kissing.
The 3 most popular phrases so far this week have been:
- "I love you Bictor"
- "Thanks Bictor"
- "Summer, stop being a tattletale"
I just gave the kids their chicken noodle soup (heads up to the bosses - Stock the company pantry before these kids freak out and go Lord of the Flies on me...please. Thanks.) and Owen goes
"Mmmmm yummmy. Thanks for making our lunch Victor"
Normally, they don't thank me for feeding them - nor should they since its part of the job - but they've been hilarious...
Right now, they're just repeating different things they love to try and make me laugh...
I'm pretty sure Ethan locked up First Place when he said "I love your feet..."
That one killed me.
Day 35 - 10K
I just realized this site crossed the 10 thousand hits threshold...
So, at this moment, I would like to genuinely thank all 18 of you who have clicked on this site 10 thousand times in the last couple months...
Meanwhile, I just heard Summer start crying and Owen taunting her:
"Tattletale! Tattletale!"
Great...I unintentionally have introduced ghetto rules to the suburbs...
Oh well. As long as no one puts a shank in anyone's belly we're good to go...
Anyway, THANK YOU for reading...I can't say it enough.
Your friend,
Victor
So, at this moment, I would like to genuinely thank all 18 of you who have clicked on this site 10 thousand times in the last couple months...
Meanwhile, I just heard Summer start crying and Owen taunting her:
"Tattletale! Tattletale!"
Great...I unintentionally have introduced ghetto rules to the suburbs...
Oh well. As long as no one puts a shank in anyone's belly we're good to go...
Anyway, THANK YOU for reading...I can't say it enough.
Your friend,
Victor
Day 35 - Vultures
Some of you may be wondering why I haven't posted...and by "wondering" I mean emailing me and such...
Well, that's because we haven't done much today. As a matter of fact, they've been upstairs doing God knows what for a while actually...
Although that isn't entirely true because Ethan did just come down to tell me Summer & Owen have their shirts off...I tell him that it's OK by me...So he asked me to take his shirt off too.
Whatever tickles your feet kid...
Well, that's because we haven't done much today. As a matter of fact, they've been upstairs doing God knows what for a while actually...
Although that isn't entirely true because Ethan did just come down to tell me Summer & Owen have their shirts off...I tell him that it's OK by me...So he asked me to take his shirt off too.
Whatever tickles your feet kid...
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Day 34 - The BK Experience
Being that it's Spring Break (Note to the CFO - My coworkers were laughing at you this morning because you forgot they don't have school this week...) I feel extra pressure to not bore these kids out of their developing minds...
Naturally, my first thought was a 2 for 1 in which we get lunch and expend energy...So I drove towards McDonald's where, upon our arrival and much to my chagrin, I find that they do NOT have a play area.
However, they do have a piano that plays itself which would be great if I was 86 years old.
So, since there is a Burger King next door with a giant play structure and because I appreciate Kings (Elvis, Lebron, Of Leon, etc.) we head that way...
As always, it takes a few minutes to figure out what everyone wants...Generally, Summer follows Owen and does whatever he wants (which I've yet to figure out why she follows him as much as she does...its odd really...I mean Ethan is technically older and they are twins...plus Ethan is more affectionate with her but whatever)...
Anyway, we get 2 orders of nuggets and a Cheeseburger...The lady behind the counter couldn't suck more. Really. She was awful in every way imaginable.
Look, I apologize the game of Life led you to serving me at a fast food restaurant but cheer the eff up and smile with your 3 teeth sweetheart...Seriously.
Summer does her bossy bit about getting dip so we had a little chat about how being bossy isn't the way to win me over...She says OK but I know for a fact she forgot that lesson in .5 seconds.
While we eat I take note of just how depressing the clientele at a Burger King is...Not even a joke - Next time look around while you eat and you'll notice it too...
As we're eating though, I notice Myra at the counter forgot the kids toys...So I go back up to ask for them and she starts to argue with me about giving them to me...I tell her she can check my pockets and my table - I didn't get my SpongeBob toys...Cough. Them. Up.
Myra realizes i'm not kidding and does so.
Do NOT screw with a 25 year old guy watching 3 kids under the age of 5 unless you wan't to get your head slammed into the register.
After 15 minutes of trying to convince everyone to focus on their food we finish up and I unleash them into the play area.
Couple things about the play area I notice after they are inside:
1) Everyone is supposed to be 4 years or older...I have a feeling this wont be the last time Summer sneaks into a fun area while underage.
2) "Rule #6 - If you see something weird tell a manager immediately" - This completely blows my mind because it HAS to be in reference to pedophiles or bodily fluids right? What else would you consider weird in a play area? Can I tell on this weird kid staring at me?
Being that Summer is too young she's struggling to get up the tower that leads to a maze of plastic tubes designed to static shock kids every few seconds...
Look, all three of these kids are fantastic...But while Ethan is the super sweet sensitive one and Summer's the sassy one, Owen is the protector with a quick wit. Basically, when I need some assistance Owen's my man and it's funny because he's always happy to oblige when I need him.
So I pulled him over and asked him to help the others...and he did...he was like Patrick Swazye in "Red Dawn" just carrying the rest of the troops...Summer couldn't have done it without him...I was honestly beaming watching him pull her up a level and give Ethan a hand...he ran the show and he ran it well.
Now, for a while these kids were lost in this place and I'll be honest - it was pretty crazy...
The one rule I made though was that no one cry...Because it's about having fun and you never see fun mixed with tears unless they're tears of laughter...
This message was really pointed at Summer who cries more than the rest...I mean, if I want Ethan to cry I just have to seem mad but that wasn't going to happen in the ZONE.
As they're playing I realize the only way for them to come down is through the slide...So I'm calling out to them to follow my voice and try to look out these mini Cruise ship like portholes to see me point them in the right direction...and then they all froze.
The slide was daunting. I hear a LOT of talking amongst the trio...No one trusts the slide or me...
I keep saying its OK and to just go...Ethan starts talking about going headfirst which seems ballsy but whatever...
Finally, because I'm bored talking up a slide, I throw this out:
"First one down gets a dollar"
Next thing I know Ethan is sliding down on his belly, feet first, and I pull him up and he looks at me, smiles, hugs me and then goes
"Can I have my dolla now?"
Killed me. Just classic.
The others follow suit...
After this they run through one more time happily before we vacate the premises (not before getting crowns for all 3)...Sure, Summer let out a little cry at one point but I told her if she was gonna cry we all had to go...Owen quickly hushed her up...
Once we got home, they played with their Sponge Bob before I put Summer down for her nap and the boys started to watch their movies from yesterday in the CEO/CFO's bed...I went up to check on them and Ethan has passed out with half his body hanging off the bed...Owen looks at me, shrugs and smiles...
Pretty good day...but I don't think we're ever going back to Burger King.
[UPDATE: Here's a photo of E-Rock passed out]
Naturally, my first thought was a 2 for 1 in which we get lunch and expend energy...So I drove towards McDonald's where, upon our arrival and much to my chagrin, I find that they do NOT have a play area.
However, they do have a piano that plays itself which would be great if I was 86 years old.
So, since there is a Burger King next door with a giant play structure and because I appreciate Kings (Elvis, Lebron, Of Leon, etc.) we head that way...
As always, it takes a few minutes to figure out what everyone wants...Generally, Summer follows Owen and does whatever he wants (which I've yet to figure out why she follows him as much as she does...its odd really...I mean Ethan is technically older and they are twins...plus Ethan is more affectionate with her but whatever)...
Anyway, we get 2 orders of nuggets and a Cheeseburger...The lady behind the counter couldn't suck more. Really. She was awful in every way imaginable.
Look, I apologize the game of Life led you to serving me at a fast food restaurant but cheer the eff up and smile with your 3 teeth sweetheart...Seriously.
Summer does her bossy bit about getting dip so we had a little chat about how being bossy isn't the way to win me over...She says OK but I know for a fact she forgot that lesson in .5 seconds.
While we eat I take note of just how depressing the clientele at a Burger King is...Not even a joke - Next time look around while you eat and you'll notice it too...
As we're eating though, I notice Myra at the counter forgot the kids toys...So I go back up to ask for them and she starts to argue with me about giving them to me...I tell her she can check my pockets and my table - I didn't get my SpongeBob toys...Cough. Them. Up.
Myra realizes i'm not kidding and does so.
Do NOT screw with a 25 year old guy watching 3 kids under the age of 5 unless you wan't to get your head slammed into the register.
After 15 minutes of trying to convince everyone to focus on their food we finish up and I unleash them into the play area.
Couple things about the play area I notice after they are inside:
1) Everyone is supposed to be 4 years or older...I have a feeling this wont be the last time Summer sneaks into a fun area while underage.
2) "Rule #6 - If you see something weird tell a manager immediately" - This completely blows my mind because it HAS to be in reference to pedophiles or bodily fluids right? What else would you consider weird in a play area? Can I tell on this weird kid staring at me?
Being that Summer is too young she's struggling to get up the tower that leads to a maze of plastic tubes designed to static shock kids every few seconds...
Look, all three of these kids are fantastic...But while Ethan is the super sweet sensitive one and Summer's the sassy one, Owen is the protector with a quick wit. Basically, when I need some assistance Owen's my man and it's funny because he's always happy to oblige when I need him.
So I pulled him over and asked him to help the others...and he did...he was like Patrick Swazye in "Red Dawn" just carrying the rest of the troops...Summer couldn't have done it without him...I was honestly beaming watching him pull her up a level and give Ethan a hand...he ran the show and he ran it well.
Now, for a while these kids were lost in this place and I'll be honest - it was pretty crazy...
The one rule I made though was that no one cry...Because it's about having fun and you never see fun mixed with tears unless they're tears of laughter...
This message was really pointed at Summer who cries more than the rest...I mean, if I want Ethan to cry I just have to seem mad but that wasn't going to happen in the ZONE.
As they're playing I realize the only way for them to come down is through the slide...So I'm calling out to them to follow my voice and try to look out these mini Cruise ship like portholes to see me point them in the right direction...and then they all froze.
The slide was daunting. I hear a LOT of talking amongst the trio...No one trusts the slide or me...
I keep saying its OK and to just go...Ethan starts talking about going headfirst which seems ballsy but whatever...
Finally, because I'm bored talking up a slide, I throw this out:
"First one down gets a dollar"
Next thing I know Ethan is sliding down on his belly, feet first, and I pull him up and he looks at me, smiles, hugs me and then goes
"Can I have my dolla now?"
Killed me. Just classic.
The others follow suit...
After this they run through one more time happily before we vacate the premises (not before getting crowns for all 3)...Sure, Summer let out a little cry at one point but I told her if she was gonna cry we all had to go...Owen quickly hushed her up...
Once we got home, they played with their Sponge Bob before I put Summer down for her nap and the boys started to watch their movies from yesterday in the CEO/CFO's bed...I went up to check on them and Ethan has passed out with half his body hanging off the bed...Owen looks at me, shrugs and smiles...
Pretty good day...but I don't think we're ever going back to Burger King.
[UPDATE: Here's a photo of E-Rock passed out]
Day 34 - Why I Haven't Posted
You're probably wondering why I haven't posted yet today...
Well, yesterday afternoon I took the kids to a Dollar Tree nearby. For those of you unfamiliar, Dollar Tree is one of those stores where everything actually does cost a dollar. Unlike some of those other establishments that call themselves a dollar store and then try and stick you with a $3.99 price tag for a yo-yo...
Personally, I always want to slap the owner of those spots but they would never be caught dead inside their own store thereby preventing them from an inevitable assault at the hands of a misled customer.
ANYWAY, after we arrive we're recognized by a blog reader (seriously)...Ethan shows her how he can spin around in a circle. She asks me if I taught him that...
Yeah, I taught him how to spin.
Moving on, we find the toy aisle...I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
Aside from potentially picking up more germs than my antibiotics knew what to do with, half the toys were all mangled and beaten up...For example, I picked up a drum that I figured the kids would like...I hit the skin and my hand went through it...
So that went back on the shelf and we walked quickly to a different section...
I originally thought this trip would take 15 minutes tops.
I was wrong. This trip took 45 minutes. Before we tried to check out.
After an agonizing period of walking up and down the aisles with Ethan and Summer because neither could focus long enough to make up their mind (Owen settled on a wrestling figure after 18 seconds) I finally start to get frustrated...
"Alright, you guys have 1 minute to find your toy or I'm picking it for you"
Mad dash. E&S are scrambling. Toys are being thrown into the aisle in an effort to see everything.
At one point, Ethan borderline pushes an older lady out of his way...
The minute is up and they still haven't decided. I don't have the heart to choose...mainly because I can't decide myself.
Finally, Summer settles on one of those felt pictures you color...the package comes complete with 6 mini markers and her picture features Cinderella. SOLD.
Ethan - though a big fan of boy stuff - also has a soft spot for girly crap...So he grabs one with Tinkerbell...Owen, not to be left out, drops his Macho Man Randy Savage knock off figurine and grabs a felt picture of some character named Silvermint (which sounds like the name of a strip club...)
[Side Note: Last night I had dinner with my Mom and Sister and over a nice meal of porridge -jk, steak...we're kind of high rollers - I tell them how I tried to push the boys away from the girly objects...At which point my sister tells me I was the same way as a kid because I had a cabbage patch doll - Touche...Tica: 1, Victor: 0]
Anyway, I don't really care that they're getting these items because I'm just ecstatic to get out of the Dollar Tree...It's now 5:30 and I'm officially off-duty...
We head to check out.
Apparently, Tuesdays are when they put the D team on the registers because this was ridiculous. We were in line for 25 minutes...
Summer, at one point, looks up at me, sighs heavily and asks me whats taking so long.
I beam proudly because she said it loud enough for everyone to hear. Well played Summer, that sassy side can be used for good apparently.
Another register opens. I thank Summer.
We FINALLY check out...
As a favor to the parents, I tell my coworkers that if they want their pictures they have to be good all night. In the morning, if CEO & CFO sign off on their behavior, I'll give them their toys.
They aren't a fan of my decision but I don't care. This isn't a democracy. Until they can grow facial hair I'm calling the shots.
So this morning we colored and colored and took a break because these cheap markers kept getting winded...
Needless to say, their pictures look awesome but every single marker is now dead...But, hell, what could I expect for a dollar??
And now I'm going to go figure out what we're going to do for lunch...
Well, yesterday afternoon I took the kids to a Dollar Tree nearby. For those of you unfamiliar, Dollar Tree is one of those stores where everything actually does cost a dollar. Unlike some of those other establishments that call themselves a dollar store and then try and stick you with a $3.99 price tag for a yo-yo...
Personally, I always want to slap the owner of those spots but they would never be caught dead inside their own store thereby preventing them from an inevitable assault at the hands of a misled customer.
ANYWAY, after we arrive we're recognized by a blog reader (seriously)...Ethan shows her how he can spin around in a circle. She asks me if I taught him that...
Yeah, I taught him how to spin.
Moving on, we find the toy aisle...I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
Aside from potentially picking up more germs than my antibiotics knew what to do with, half the toys were all mangled and beaten up...For example, I picked up a drum that I figured the kids would like...I hit the skin and my hand went through it...
So that went back on the shelf and we walked quickly to a different section...
I originally thought this trip would take 15 minutes tops.
I was wrong. This trip took 45 minutes. Before we tried to check out.
After an agonizing period of walking up and down the aisles with Ethan and Summer because neither could focus long enough to make up their mind (Owen settled on a wrestling figure after 18 seconds) I finally start to get frustrated...
"Alright, you guys have 1 minute to find your toy or I'm picking it for you"
Mad dash. E&S are scrambling. Toys are being thrown into the aisle in an effort to see everything.
At one point, Ethan borderline pushes an older lady out of his way...
The minute is up and they still haven't decided. I don't have the heart to choose...mainly because I can't decide myself.
Finally, Summer settles on one of those felt pictures you color...the package comes complete with 6 mini markers and her picture features Cinderella. SOLD.
Ethan - though a big fan of boy stuff - also has a soft spot for girly crap...So he grabs one with Tinkerbell...Owen, not to be left out, drops his Macho Man Randy Savage knock off figurine and grabs a felt picture of some character named Silvermint (which sounds like the name of a strip club...)
[Side Note: Last night I had dinner with my Mom and Sister and over a nice meal of porridge -jk, steak...we're kind of high rollers - I tell them how I tried to push the boys away from the girly objects...At which point my sister tells me I was the same way as a kid because I had a cabbage patch doll - Touche...Tica: 1, Victor: 0]
Anyway, I don't really care that they're getting these items because I'm just ecstatic to get out of the Dollar Tree...It's now 5:30 and I'm officially off-duty...
We head to check out.
Apparently, Tuesdays are when they put the D team on the registers because this was ridiculous. We were in line for 25 minutes...
Summer, at one point, looks up at me, sighs heavily and asks me whats taking so long.
I beam proudly because she said it loud enough for everyone to hear. Well played Summer, that sassy side can be used for good apparently.
Another register opens. I thank Summer.
We FINALLY check out...
As a favor to the parents, I tell my coworkers that if they want their pictures they have to be good all night. In the morning, if CEO & CFO sign off on their behavior, I'll give them their toys.
They aren't a fan of my decision but I don't care. This isn't a democracy. Until they can grow facial hair I'm calling the shots.
So this morning we colored and colored and took a break because these cheap markers kept getting winded...
Needless to say, their pictures look awesome but every single marker is now dead...But, hell, what could I expect for a dollar??
And now I'm going to go figure out what we're going to do for lunch...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Day 33 - Summer Is Killing Me
She just told me that Ethan was talking about boobies...
I've been with all 3 of them the entire day...they literally have not left my sight...
I'm pretty sure she's trying to sabotage her brothers and is pulling out all the stops...and I have no idea how to handle it.
Can you put a kid in time out for snitching? Something tells me the message would be lost in the process...
And really, what red blooded American male doesn't talk about boobies?
I've been with all 3 of them the entire day...they literally have not left my sight...
I'm pretty sure she's trying to sabotage her brothers and is pulling out all the stops...and I have no idea how to handle it.
Can you put a kid in time out for snitching? Something tells me the message would be lost in the process...
And really, what red blooded American male doesn't talk about boobies?
Day 33 - L-O-V-E
Ethan, at multiple points today, has randomly thrown out this gem -
- While putting him in his car seat: "I LOVE you Bictor"
- As I'm buttoning up his pants after he took a pee: "Bictor, I love you..." followed by a big hug
- While coloring: "Hey Bictor...I love you"
- As I put on his movie again he says it, followed by the other two saying it...leading to a group hug...
He's definitely said it at least 6 times...
He came up again and said it which prompted Owen to say "I love you too Victor"
Summer goes "I dont!"
Ethan looks at me and goes "Summa's not gonna get a movie next time"
I laugh and ask him if the only reason he's telling me he loves me is so I give him stuff...
He looks up, shines his megawatt smile and says "yeaaaaa...." and then hugs my leg...
He's going to do JUST FINE with the ladies when he's older...
Update: He said it again...and then Owen said it...followed by Owen asking if we could have another group hug...
Fact: My job kills yours.
- While putting him in his car seat: "I LOVE you Bictor"
- As I'm buttoning up his pants after he took a pee: "Bictor, I love you..." followed by a big hug
- While coloring: "Hey Bictor...I love you"
- As I put on his movie again he says it, followed by the other two saying it...leading to a group hug...
He's definitely said it at least 6 times...
He came up again and said it which prompted Owen to say "I love you too Victor"
Summer goes "I dont!"
Ethan looks at me and goes "Summa's not gonna get a movie next time"
I laugh and ask him if the only reason he's telling me he loves me is so I give him stuff...
He looks up, shines his megawatt smile and says "yeaaaaa...." and then hugs my leg...
He's going to do JUST FINE with the ladies when he's older...
Update: He said it again...and then Owen said it...followed by Owen asking if we could have another group hug...
Fact: My job kills yours.
Day 33 - Tattle tattle
If this office were the ghetto Owen and Ethan would have shot Summer by now...Because she cannot stop being a snitch...
There have been at least 6-7 instances today where I've had to tell her not to tattle tale (tail?) on her siblings for things that don't matter...
I might need to rent her the Carmelo Anthony endorsed "Stop Snitching" video...
There have been at least 6-7 instances today where I've had to tell her not to tattle tale (tail?) on her siblings for things that don't matter...
I might need to rent her the Carmelo Anthony endorsed "Stop Snitching" video...
Day 33 - Ehhhh
I wanted to spice some things up so I asked the kids to try and draw me...
Turns out they weren't really feeling that because nothing they drew resembled a human...
So instead, we went to Blockbuster where once again I had a late fee...Dang.
Everyone picked their movie...Summer chose hers based on which Barbie looked the prettiest...
I have got to figure out something...I wish they were just a little bit older so we could go roller skating or something fun for all of us...I would chicken dance the hell out of this afternoon.
Turns out they weren't really feeling that because nothing they drew resembled a human...
So instead, we went to Blockbuster where once again I had a late fee...Dang.
Everyone picked their movie...Summer chose hers based on which Barbie looked the prettiest...
I have got to figure out something...I wish they were just a little bit older so we could go roller skating or something fun for all of us...I would chicken dance the hell out of this afternoon.
Day 33 - The Official NCAA Tournament Office Pool Winner
WOW...
This got way closer than I expected and you guys who voted were pretty spot on...
I beat Summer by 1 point.
Seriously.
Let me repeat that for extra effect: A 25 year old male beat a 3 year old female in an NCAA pool by 1 point.
To be honest, I don't feel good about it because she is the ONLY one of us to have picked the right team to win...
As I said from the get go scoring went like this:
First Round = 1 point for every correct pick
Second Round = 2 points
Sweet Sixteen - 5 points
Elite Eight - 10 points
Final Four - 15 points
Championship - 20 points
So, despite the fact Summer was able to correctly choose UNC as the National Champion I got a leg up on her by correctly picking 5 to her 4 in the Sweet Sixteen...
Final Tally -
Bictor: 109 points
Summer: 108 points
Ethan: 72 points
Owen: 51 points
Couple things:
- Ethan was rolling through the first two rounds and then he got derailed...but I'm still blown away by the fact he nailed 14 of the teams who made the Sweet Sixteen...Very impressive.
- One day in the future, Owen is going to be unbelievably ashamed of his performance in his first NCAA pool...
What did I learn? That girls ALWAYS do well because they have no idea what they are doing by and large...its ridiculous.
That being said, I'm still taking them to get a prize today...least I can do...
And yes...I will be wearing this when we go...
This got way closer than I expected and you guys who voted were pretty spot on...
I beat Summer by 1 point.
Seriously.
Let me repeat that for extra effect: A 25 year old male beat a 3 year old female in an NCAA pool by 1 point.
To be honest, I don't feel good about it because she is the ONLY one of us to have picked the right team to win...
As I said from the get go scoring went like this:
First Round = 1 point for every correct pick
Second Round = 2 points
Sweet Sixteen - 5 points
Elite Eight - 10 points
Final Four - 15 points
Championship - 20 points
So, despite the fact Summer was able to correctly choose UNC as the National Champion I got a leg up on her by correctly picking 5 to her 4 in the Sweet Sixteen...
Final Tally -
Bictor: 109 points
Summer: 108 points
Ethan: 72 points
Owen: 51 points
Couple things:
- Ethan was rolling through the first two rounds and then he got derailed...but I'm still blown away by the fact he nailed 14 of the teams who made the Sweet Sixteen...Very impressive.
- One day in the future, Owen is going to be unbelievably ashamed of his performance in his first NCAA pool...
What did I learn? That girls ALWAYS do well because they have no idea what they are doing by and large...its ridiculous.
That being said, I'm still taking them to get a prize today...least I can do...
And yes...I will be wearing this when we go...
Day 33 - How Come Noone Ever Told Me Medicine Works??
I feel like Ted DiBiase right now...
Apparently, I have (had?) an upper respiratory infection so they decided to fight it with antibiotics and codeine cough syrup...
I'm amazed at how quickly they worked because I feel amazing...
Anyway, I'm here and the kids were fairly happy to see me. They had a great day with Grandma yesterday so all is well...
Summer has been walking around with these Incredible Hulk soft foam hands that make noise when you hit stuff...which is killing me.
The boys are watching TV and waiting for me to finish drawing them some pictures.
Let's hope for some fun stuff today...
Apparently, I have (had?) an upper respiratory infection so they decided to fight it with antibiotics and codeine cough syrup...
I'm amazed at how quickly they worked because I feel amazing...
Anyway, I'm here and the kids were fairly happy to see me. They had a great day with Grandma yesterday so all is well...
Summer has been walking around with these Incredible Hulk soft foam hands that make noise when you hit stuff...which is killing me.
The boys are watching TV and waiting for me to finish drawing them some pictures.
Let's hope for some fun stuff today...
Monday, April 6, 2009
Day 32 - Saved By The Grandma
Thank whoever you want - God, Allah, Marvin Gaye etc - for my aunt, because I'm thanking them all right now...
A week ago, this saint of a woman had her appendix removed...Or, if you ask Summer, she had her "pennies" taken out...
Today, she came to my rescue to watch the kids...Now, I can go get in my bed and sweat profusely as my body shivers from being so cold...
Seriously though, this is why I don't ski: I have a fundamental issue with being cold and sweating...Well, that coupled with the fact I suck at skiing.
Have a good day folks...
A week ago, this saint of a woman had her appendix removed...Or, if you ask Summer, she had her "pennies" taken out...
Today, she came to my rescue to watch the kids...Now, I can go get in my bed and sweat profusely as my body shivers from being so cold...
Seriously though, this is why I don't ski: I have a fundamental issue with being cold and sweating...Well, that coupled with the fact I suck at skiing.
Have a good day folks...
Day 32 - Just So You Know
Posts will be few and far between today...I feel like absolute crap...Pretty sure I have, at the very least, bronchitis...
Sorry folks...you'll be OK.
Sorry folks...you'll be OK.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Day 31 - The Stand In
Because my sister was off work today - and because it was raining at the time - I called her to see if she would come hangout with Summer & Owen while I went to pick Ethan up from his doctors appointment.
However, to spice things up I decided to tell the kids we had forgotten to get Ethan...and that we couldn't get him back until Monday...
All hell broke loose.
Owen had a "Holy crap...OK let's figure this out" approach.
Summer went nuts and kept yelling "We gotta get him!"
Then Tica came in and I revealed the joke...
Fast Forward a bit and I pick up Ethan...Tawanda asks if I was taking a nap because I'm 7 minutes past 12...
Hilarious joke Tawanda. No, seriously I'm still laughing.
We get in the car before Ethan realizes the other two aren't with me...at which point he asks...and I act incredulous as I "realize" I left Summer & Owen at the house...
He's pretty calm but concerned and keeps asking different questions:
"H-H-H-Hey Bictor...did you close the doors?"
"OHHH man no I forgot...I left EVERY door open!"
"OH NO!"
I don't feel like this response is passionate enough so I start really selling the idea that Summer & Owen may have been abducted...
(And if you think this makes me a bad person...Sorry, deal with it...It's all in good fun)
So now I'm pushing how its highly likely the other two are gone...I'm asking him what he and his mom & dad will do now...Whether he'll move into a different room and play with their toys...Basically, anything to make him think
"Holy crap I might be living alone"
He's buying all of it...And then he drops the golden nugget:
"DAMNIT BICTOR!" as he slaps his knee.
I tried to be tough and tell him not to say that word...but I held it together like Jimmy Fallon used to do on SNL...so in other words I was laughing the whole time...
I don't know where he heard the word or how he knew when it was appropriate to use it...but the thought of his brother and sister being abducted led him to react like a grown man...
Fantastic stuff...
However, to spice things up I decided to tell the kids we had forgotten to get Ethan...and that we couldn't get him back until Monday...
All hell broke loose.
Owen had a "Holy crap...OK let's figure this out" approach.
Summer went nuts and kept yelling "We gotta get him!"
Then Tica came in and I revealed the joke...
Fast Forward a bit and I pick up Ethan...Tawanda asks if I was taking a nap because I'm 7 minutes past 12...
Hilarious joke Tawanda. No, seriously I'm still laughing.
We get in the car before Ethan realizes the other two aren't with me...at which point he asks...and I act incredulous as I "realize" I left Summer & Owen at the house...
He's pretty calm but concerned and keeps asking different questions:
"H-H-H-Hey Bictor...did you close the doors?"
"OHHH man no I forgot...I left EVERY door open!"
"OH NO!"
I don't feel like this response is passionate enough so I start really selling the idea that Summer & Owen may have been abducted...
(And if you think this makes me a bad person...Sorry, deal with it...It's all in good fun)
So now I'm pushing how its highly likely the other two are gone...I'm asking him what he and his mom & dad will do now...Whether he'll move into a different room and play with their toys...Basically, anything to make him think
"Holy crap I might be living alone"
He's buying all of it...And then he drops the golden nugget:
"DAMNIT BICTOR!" as he slaps his knee.
I tried to be tough and tell him not to say that word...but I held it together like Jimmy Fallon used to do on SNL...so in other words I was laughing the whole time...
I don't know where he heard the word or how he knew when it was appropriate to use it...but the thought of his brother and sister being abducted led him to react like a grown man...
Fantastic stuff...
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