THE EXPLANATION (Or How I Stopped Looking For A Job & Became a Nanny)

First off, I'd like to sincerely thank every single person who contacted me today saying they were enjoying this little blog.

Thank you. If not for that feedback (and my insatiable hunger for attention/the love of my parents) I may have quit by 10 AM.

That being said, people had a few questions that I feel I should address before I move on...

1) "Do the parents know you're writing this blog?"

Not only do they know...they both told me they loved it. I'm working with some cool people here...Which helps to explain why the kids are hilarious and easy to write about.

Here's a little secret: If your kids suck its cause you suck too. No offense.

Luckily, these kids are teetering on the edge of overdosing on cool. They even dress better than me. That's not hard but still...they can't even wipe their own asses. I'm consistently impressed.

2) "So, how did a 25 year old single male land a nanny job for three kids?"

I wish I could answer this with some cool story about an interview and how I sold out my dignity for a job...but I'm not in Hollywood or on Meth so here's the real story.

Nepotism. With a side of Convenient Unemployment.

Truth be told, I'm related to the kids. Although I am technically second cousins with them I prefer the term "Councle" (Cunk-ill) as it implies I'm more important than the average, distant cousin. And I am.

3) "What kind of self-respecting 25 year old takes a job as a nanny? What are you, a pedophile?"

No. I'm not. I love women. Some of them even like me from time to time.

However, rest assured, I follow the rules so if I were a pedophile I would alert everyone pursuant to Megan's Law...but I'm not and this will be the last joke I make about that topic because that sh*t is weird and I feel dirty just from that...

4) "You still didn't explain how you ended up in this position..."

OK...I guess if chronology is important I should explain that I started on my path sometime in the winter of 1983...But that story would take FOREVER...So we'll fast forward.

How did I end up a "Manny" basically can be boiled down to this single event:

I majored in Communications. I don't bring this up to suggest I have some love affair with all things Communication oriented...I don't. By and large, I found the theories to be of little ultimate importance...Hell, I got a "D" in Intro to Comm despite the fact I speak reasonably well and can write letters without pictures.

Anyways, every single friend of mine who pursued the same track of Communication studies would tell you I'm right - we're basically worthless. Honestly.We could have spent those 4 (fine, 5) years of college getting 3 associate degrees at ECPI and be way more attractive in the current economic landscape.

Now, I say none of that to be disrespectful to the 2 (maybe 3) Comm professors I enjoyed learning from...One of whom -APW (who I hope reads this) - was instrumental in my development. I say it so you understand that I came out of school with my writing ability as it was when I entered and that was about it (if anything my writing took a hit thanks to the fact everyone somehow found it reasonable to drink at least 4 nights a week while in college...).

Therefore, due to my lack of any useful knowledge (in things like finance, economics, veterinary sciences, etc) I've been fairly unattractive to potential employers. Well, unless they want me to break down water cooler conversations and illustrate what the Symbolic Convergence Theory states...Which would suck because, as previously stated, I struggled mightily in Intro to Communication (If Ms. Waggenspack is still teaching at Virginia Tech...May God have mercy on her students souls...Thanks to that woman, I now hope Ohio State loses every single time they play in any sporting event. Seriously.)

So, I was unemployed. I'm good with kids. The parents trusted me.

I wish it were cooler than that but its not...right place, right time...

5) "How long will you be doing this?"

Well...at least a few months...unless I get fired. That being said, I'm really hoping I don't get fired otherwise Thanksgiving would get awkward real quick.

6) "Can we meet up for a drink? I'm pretty sure you're the man of my dreams..."

This hasn't happened yet but I'm fully expecting it will...Please attach a picture of you to help me decide. (No men. Not that I have a problem with that...Its just not my cup of tea)

7) "So kids don't scare you?"

Not at all. Unless you think you're carrying my kid. In which case we should BOTH be terrified...

8) "Are these stories really true or do you embellish for the sake of entertainment?"

They are all 100% true. I wish I was that creative. Look, Aesop didn't write those fables...he wrote them down and probably pissed some poor storyteller off...I'm just writing the stories down. All credit from here on out goes to the kids - as Bill Cosby suggested and Haley Joel Osment confirmed: Kids say the damnedest things...

9) "Do you believe in spanking"

Not kids...

10) "You are awesome"

Thank you. Seriously. I'm flattered.